Avoiding Awkward

Everyone's Talking About It

Molly — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 03:52:11 +0000

Saw The Dark Knight, surprisingly enough. Obviously a great movie, but if it wouldn't have been for the way it ended I would have hated it. The whole entire movie was intense at all times, and most of the time it brought me close to breaking point mentally.

In other news, KidzCamp is coming this Thursday! I'm really excited.

But I'm also REALLY upset because my camera is still broken : /...

R.O.F. n' B.O.F.

Molly — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:32:19 +0000

R.O.F. n' B.O.F. (Rush of Fools and Band of Fun, which of course is us) was actually really really tight. I'm glad that I was non-freaked out for long enough to enjoy it.

Let this be my Desire, my Prayer.

Molly — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:11:15 +0000

"Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord.
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You.
For to die is to live!

To starve is to feast,
And less of me is more of Jesus.
Lord, I want it all,
Lord, I want it all.
If I lose my life,
I gain everything,
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting.
Lord, I want it all,
Lord, I want it all.

There is power in the blood,
There is victory in Jesus!
Come in power, wash me clean -
Overwhelm me with Your presence.
There is power in the blood,
There is victory in Jesus!
Help me glory in the cross,
Help me find my gain in loss!"

"I Want it All" by Shane Barnard, based on Philippians 1:21-23 and 3:7-11:

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.

...But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

Balance, Questions, and Thoughts.

Molly — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 04:11:04 +0000

It's very hard to find the fine line between two extremes. There are so many sides to everything, I've found it very difficult to understand what the Truth is so I can line up what I do and believe with it. There are so many different things to think about. So many parts to each argument, so many "only if"s and "but"s and "except when"s...if that makes sense.

How do you find the balance between putting all the effort you can into something and having God work through you and relying on Him to will and to work for His pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13)? How do you find that balance between practicing and working hard, for His glory, and preparing in the more important sense, spiritually? How do you know when it's done right, and when you aren't just using the latter to get out of actual time commitment?

How do you wait on Him without any answers and know what to do or how to improve a certain area of your life? But He is good to those who wait on Him. But how do you know? It's hard to tell when answers actually come.

"I will run when I cannot walk,
I will sing when there is no song;
I will pray when there is no prayer,
I will listen when I cannot hear.

Sitting in the waiting room of silence,
Waiting for that still soft voice I know.
Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
Trusting that this closet's where You are.

Lord, I know if I change my mind,
You will change my heart in time.
Sovereign Lord, this time's from You,
So I sit in the waiting room of silence.

Cause it´s all about You.

I will fight when I cannot feel,
I will trust when You don’t seem real;
I will tell when I cannot speak,
I will step when I cannot see."

I don't want to get so caught up in details that I miss the big picture. But I just want to get it right. There's so many things to think about, so many things to improve. With every freak out I feel less and less qualified. In His power...

10 Random Thoughts...You Know I Love Lists!

Molly — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 04:55:57 +0000

10. I've been getting into a routine for the past few weeks this summer...and it's been REALLY nice! I've gotten up early (like, 7:00 on average) to take the pops to the Park n' Ride, get home. At about 8 I go running, then freshen up, eat a bowl of cereal, and then do my quiet time at 9 ish (which I never really have done in the morning until now...it's different, but I like it). After that the sched is pretty much up for grabs, whether it's watching Gilmore Girls or taking an afternoon nap. I've been having band practice several times a week lately it seems, or at least I've been going up to the church like 5 days a week. I like it, definitely. Pretty much all I've done this summer is church and relax. And I've been getting to bed pretty early. Well, not today...but that's because at like 6 I took a 3 hour nap, haha. I'll get there.
9. I'm going to start saving money. I've resolved to be more thrifty. I'm going to attempt to only use half of my allowance (which I only really need for food), and with the other half save most and then set aside 10% of allowance for tithe. I find myself needing more money every once in a while for birthday presents, clothes, cellphone or whatever - and the normal money doesn't usually suffice. I don't know where all my money normally ends up going, but I know that about half of it is unnecessarily spent. We'll see how well this goes...
8. I like birthdays. I've said it so many times, but it never changes. I can only hope that I, through repeated efforts, can spread the joy I experience on birthdays to everyone else!
7. I know I need a job. I'll get one when I start my senior year and my schedule becomes more constant. Sigh...
6. I'm excited about senior year, but what I really want is just for this summer to never end. I'd be content with it because I have the satisfaction knowing that I'm a senior, but I don't actually have to start it quite yet. It's nice.
5. I can't wait to have a car for me alone to drive. A car always at my disposal. Sorry, Andrew... I'll miss you, but I can't wait to have that red car! : )
4. Opening for the Rush of Fools concert is going to be very good. I'm not as nervous about it as I was about two weeks ago. But come Sunday, I know I'll be this close to throwing up. For some reason, though, when I think about it right now all I can think of is what I'm going to wear. I still have no idea!
3. Me and Chloe have been emailing back and forth a few times now...it's pretty much awesome!
2. The Bastille Day cake was one for the books. Several people have said so : )
1. For some reason I've become obsessed with iCarly. It's on TeenNick pretty much all the time, and so me and Blake have been watching it every day. It's actually funny, like it's not just "cute". I find it very intriguing... Don't judge me ;).

Joyeux Quatorze Juillet!

Molly — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:39:43 +0000

Today is Bastille Day! You better believe I'm making a cake : )

To honor this jour de la prise de la Bastille - their hymne national, été composée par Claude-Joseph Rouget de Lisle en 1792, in French and then in English. Enjoy!

(Listen to it here)

La Marseillaise

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé!
Contre nous de la tyrannie
L'étendard sanglant est levé! (x2)
Entendez-vous dans les campagnes,
Mugir ces féroces soldats ?
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Égorger nos fils, nos compagnes !

Aux armes, citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons ! Marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!

Arise you children of our motherland,
Oh now is here our glorious day!
Over us the bloodstained banner
Of tyranny holds sway!
Of tyranny holds sway!
Oh, do you hear there in our fields
The roar of those fierce fighting men?
Who came right here into our midst
To slaughter sons, wives and kin.

To arms, oh citizens!
Form up in serried ranks!
March on, march on!
And drench our fields
With their tainted blood!

Good News

Molly — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:42:37 +0000

Church was extremely good today. It started out with me being a tad disoriented in my mind and such, but I feel refreshed now. All is well!

And, I got to celebrate a birthday! Today is Trey's 16th bday, so me and Katie decorated his part of the stage and I brought cupcakes : ). It was the epitome of tight.

Not Good News

Molly — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:01:01 +0000

My incredibly faithful and durable phone of two years has officially died, and the charger is rendered useless, especially after I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet at Target (though the charger was acting funny before that anyway). The phone, incidentally enough, actually worked the same even after it was completely submerged and then washed with soap. It is indestructible apparently.

This is sad on many levels.

I love that phone, so much. There's only one phone that I could stand to get besides the one that I have, and it's like 120$. Which, even if I did have that kind of money, is way too much for ANY phone.

My only other choice is to buy just a phone at Wal-Mart, but even that isn't looking promising because I just looked online at the prices of their phones and all of them were three digits. Mom says that if I actually go to the store they have cheaper, because Andrew had to get a phone from there a couple months ago, but even then his was 50 bucks.

Needless to say, if you need to reach me, you're going to have to call my home phone. I changed my voice-mail to say my home phone number and my mom's as well in case anyone needs to reach me.

So, until I can save enough money (which, judging by both the rising prices of phones and my awesome sense of thrift, will be never), I will be living a cellphone-less existence.

There are worse things, I suppose...

FEAR - It's Serious Stuff.

Molly — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:01:33 +0000

Fear is something I am well-acquainted with, though only the fear that is in the context of human fear. If that makes sense. There is a certain kind of fear that we are commanded to have - Fear of God - that I can't say I understand. But a week ago or so I was challenged to try to understand it more, because I think that as Christians, and especially as our culture is becoming less reverent, we miss that.

So I just wanted to share what I've found, as well as to ask if anyone has any input...

The Fear of the LORD is the beginning of Wisdom.

There are two verses that say that exact phrase -

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!"
Psalm 111:10

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."
Proverbs 9:10

So, in this context, it pretty much clearly says that fear leads to wisdom, understanding, and insight. This concept is one that I've always heard but have never really thought about deeply. I think it's great because it shows why fear of the Lord is important, and definitely shows how valuable it is to have such fear. However, it doesn't clearly say exactly what fear of the Lord really is, though it appears that the second verse correlates fear with knowledge of the Holy One (or at least it looks like that to me, because "wisdom" and "insight" are similar). Not only knowledge of God, but I think that this is saying that it is knowledge of God AS the Holy One, as someone who is holy (consecrated, entitled to worship or veneration, sacred, sacrosanct, etc. - Dictionary.com). I usually put this together in my head whenever I think of fear of the Lord, but I think that there is still more to it than that. There is something deep and complex about the fear of the Lord that has yet to be revealed to me...

Another verse has the same effect -

"The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm."
Proverbs 19:23

So, not only does the fear of the Lord lead to wisdom, understanding, and insight, but it leads to life, which is a broad statement - but it clarifies it more by saying that you will rest satisfied and will be protected, something that obviously people want.

From these three verses I can gather that the fear of the LORD, which includes the knowledge that God is the Holy One, is a very important part of a relationship with God, and that it yields desirable things that humans are constantly searching for - understanding, wisdom, satisfaction, and true LIFE in general. So, fear of the Lord should really be the one of the first things we seek to live out as Christians.

It is our DUTY to fear God.

"Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
Ecclesiastes 12:13

This is obviously a huge deal - not only is it very important to fear God, and in turn to keep His commandments (as a result of this fear? maybe), but it is our DUTY. That is a pretty big deal.

The verse right after that one further says WHY we should:

"For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."
Ecclesiastes 12:14

I think that this concept is what is supposed to be the beginning of this fear: God is the ultimate Judge, and He knows everything we do - good and evil.

So it is our duty to fear God, because God will be the Judge of all things, good and evil - and fearing Him leads to essential things.

But what does it really MEAN to fear God?

Ecclesiastes, I found, has a lot to say about this...

Chapter 5, verses 1-7 more describe what it looks like to fear God.

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words.

When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth (or flesh) lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger (or angel) that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity (or "For when dreams and vanities increase, words also grow many"); but God is the one you must fear."

(Italics is my emphasis or further explanation, with help of BibleGateway.com)

I'm not going to lie, there are many parts about this that I don't understand (for instance, when it talks about "dreams". What exactly does that mean? Like hopes, or actual dreams you have at night?). However, I can understand some of it.

What I gather from this is that God means business, and to approach Him in heaven is a big deal. We should draw near to simply LISTEN before we just offer sacrifices, unless we are serious about them, lest we be foolish. Also, we should not be too quick to just say a bunch of things and run our mouths to Him - it specifically says because God is in heaven and we are on earth. I think that this is also a huge thing to grasp when dealing with fearing Him. He is so much higher than we are, and in a holier place. We live on a sin-ridden earth, and when we approach Him, who is on His throne in Heaven, we need to think about that. I, if you couldn't guess : ), have trouble with just saying a bunch of things, and I think that a lot of the time I personally get carried away and a little too casual with my prayers. Obviously, He loves us and wants to hear everything we say, but when we approach Him we need to kind of put ourselves in our place and be reminded of His place. And it says that many words lead to vanity, which I think would be on the opposite spectrum of fearing Him.

So, when we fear God, we set aside time to listen and let our words be few. To me, this aspect of fearing Him is about humbling ourselves.

Another thing to gather is that making a promise to God is NOT a flippant activity, and it is not something to be taken lightly. If we give Him our word, we better keep it, and keep it fast. So much so that it would be better for us to just not make vows to Him at all if we aren't going to keep them. Also, our mouth can lead us into sin, and we can't just say, "oh, my bad". That's what I gather from this at least.

When we fear God, we are careful with what we say and what we promise Him.

Wow. There is a LOT about fearing God in the Bible.

My final and favorite example of fearing Him is from Joshua 24...

The beginning of chapter 24 is Joshua talking to the Israelites on God's behalf, reminding them what God did for them when He brought His people out of Egypt, and of how they had to wander for forty years shortly after, then how He gave their enemies to their hand, then delivered them out of Balaam's hand, and then then Jericho episode (which was fresh on their minds). He rightly reminded them that "it was not by your sword or by your bow" (verse 12), and that He "gave [them] a land on which [they] had not labored and cities that [they] had not built, and [they] dwell in them. [They] eat the fruit of vineyards and olive orchards that [they] did not plant." (verse 13).

So, with all this in mind, Joshua charges the Israelites to "therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness" (24:14). He doesn't only say this, but He also says to put away the other gods and SERVE Him. This next part is cool - Joshua says "if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (24:15). So, basically, if you aren't going to serve God, you better choose who you are going to serve and stick with it - God doesn't like the flip-flop or lukewarm thing. That is tight. Shows us more how serious this fearing God business is.

So after that, the people are all, well of course we will serve Him, He did all this stuff for us, yada yada, and then said conclusively, "Therefore we also will serve the LORD, for he is our God" (24:18).

HOWEVER, Joshua knows whats up - so he says this: "You are not able to serve the LORD, for he is a holy God. He isa jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions or your sins. If you forsake the LORD and serve foreign gods, then he will turn and do you harm and consume you, after having done you good." (24:19-20). So basically, he's like, okay, SERIOUSLY, you have to understand something - God is JEALOUS, and if You forsake Him, You better have a plan B because He will TURN and do you HARM and CONSUME you.

We do not want to be in the business of saying we will serve God and then serving other things, because God is jealous and will turn His face and consume us. That is pretty heavy stuff.

So, further, the people then say, no seriously, we'll serve Him, hopefully with a lot of thought. Joshua then says, "You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen the LORD, to serve him" (24:22). That's so tight, because it's like, legit. You are a witness AGAINST yourself if you choose to serve the Lord. In turn, Joshua tells them then to "put away the foreign gods that are among you, and incline (to have a mental tendency, preference, etc.; be disposed - Dictionary.com) your heart to the LORD, the God of Israel" (24:23).

When we fear God, we incline our hearts to Him; we put Him above all else, and have a tendency to prefer Him over other things. This is also a very important part it looks like. As Christians we tend to, uh... de-cline our hearts away from Him, and choose other things over Him and such. This is serious stuff...

So, then, in verse 24, after the third time the Israelites said they'd serve the Lord, Joshua made a COVENANT (which, by the way, is like a SERIOUS and binding thing), and wrote it on a stone. He then said, finally... "Behold, this stone shall be a witness against us, for it has heard all the words of the LORD that he spoke to us. Therefore it shall be a witness against you, lest you deal falsely with your God" (24:27). Again with the witness AGAINST. That is pretty tight. And the last phrase should be daunting - lest you deal falsely with your God. It's kind of like, you better not deal with him falsely, 'cause you don't even want to know what happens if you do, and you can't turn back now because it's written in STONE! That's pretty cool.

In case you were wondering, this story ends happily - it says at the end of Joshua that "Israel served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua and had known all the work that the LORD did for Israel" (Joshua 24:30). Good thing, too... : )

So, to sum up what I learned from Joshua, we fear God not only because He is Holy and because He is greater than us, but also because He is jealous and, if we serve other gods after vowing to serve Him, there are punishments, and we are in danger of Him turning His face away...which is NOT cool or pleasant, as far as I can tell.

Whew. There is SO much more to be said about this I'm sure, but this is just a little about what I learned. Of course, I still, at most, know practically nothing of what it means to fear Him. I guess it's one of those things that I'll have to learn and attempt to practice for the rest of my life...

Too Funny to Not Post

Molly — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 03:58:34 +0000

The latest post on stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com (which, btw, if you don't read regularly, you should)...

#332. That dude with the guitar at camp.

Put it down dude. Seriously, you know who you are. I went to camp with you. I went on a lot of church retreats with you. And some how, you even ended up living on the same floor as me freshman year of college.

I get it, you own an acoustic guitar. You put stickers of bands I have never heard on the outside of your guitar case. You have an interesting guitar strap. You are moody and introspective and somehow when you combine that guitar with the three songs you know and a campfire, every girl on the planet wants to sit near you. Are you kidding me?

Back when I was in high school you knew the simple chords to Poison's song, "Every rose has it's thorn," and Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses." But I have to believe the newer version of you has updated the material. What are you singing now, Coldplay's "Yellow" or maybe Dashboard Confessional's "Screaming Infidelities?" Maybe you are doing something by the Jonas Brothers now or Maroon 5? What, you're actually singing U2's song, "One?" You are killing me.

I know what you are doing. You have brilliantly found a way to carry around the thing you are best at. (And I use the word "best" loosely.) I am very jealous. What if painting was the thing I was best at? Would it be OK if I just started carrying around a canvas and an easel and then when girls said, "Do you know how to paint?" I could casually reply, "Oh, this thing? I guess I forgot I had it with me." Or maybe I was really good at pottery and could carry around a kiln and a wheel like in the movie Ghost. Because that's what you do. You pretend that you just happened to have the guitar with you. Like the whole thing was just accidental. I know it's not though. I know.

Your instrument isn't even in tune but that doesn't matter does it dude with the guitar? Because it's more about the image, not the music. And what really gets me is that you're going to play a song at youth Sunday this year and people are going to tell you that you should be a worship leader. Hearing that is going to make you start wearing product in your hair and rocking a white belt and when I walk to class at college you'll be sitting on the steps of our dorm with a girl that is way too pretty to talk to me singing, "How great is our God." And when she asks you, "Where did you learn to play like that?" You'll respond by saying, "I just listen to my heart." You are my archenemy dude with the guitar at camp.

I am going to steal your guitar and replace it with those big hand bells and the white gloves that handbellers (or is it just 'bellers') wear. Let's see how easy it is to get girls to go on dates to Outback Steakhouse when all you have to play is a gigantic bell.

I've always wanted to post about "those guys", because they are hilariously huge targets.

What a Friend We Have in Jesus

Molly — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:01:33 +0000

"What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there."

Incredibly Encouraging

Molly — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:00:19 +0000

"But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul,
'therefore I will hope in him.'

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth."

Lamentations 3:19-27

10 Things I Love Most About Being in the Band

Molly — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 23:52:29 +0000

This is more or less a joke/for fun (I think there will be a lot more sarcasm in here than I have anticipated. I promise, it's all just a joke!), just something spur-of-the-moment I was thinking about and wanted to post. So enjoy.

10. Random Ice Cream parties. One practice me and Amanda were in a festive mood, and I joked and said, we should have an ice cream party! And everyone was all gung-ho about it, and Amanda was like, let's go to Kroger! And so Mr. Rick and Darren gave us a few bucks and we went and got like 2 gallons of mint chocolate chip ice cream and a little thing of sherbert for Kelsey. So that was fun...that is, until we came back and everyone got mad at us for getting ice cream. I swear, they all acted like we had just brought guns to band practice or something. It's funny thinking about how polar their initial reactions and ice-cream reactions were now, but at the time me and Amanda were utterly confused. And everyone was all, we don't even like mint chocolate chip ice cream, even though we asked them if they wanted another kind before hand and they said mint choco is okay. Sigh.
9. I get to show off my big mouth on a regular basis. Pretty much every practice I made it a ritual to go, "hey, Amanda, guess what? I can fit my mouth around the mic!", after which I would do so. She would go, "really? So can I!", and everyone got grossed out and we laughed. We had a pretty sweet gig going on for a while.
8. I've improved my attention-getting skills. It's only inevitable, after thousands of practices of me saying "hey, I've got a great idea, let's practice!" several times in a row at the beginning. We're a little hard to round-up. But I've learned how to bring down the hammer and light a fire.
7. I get to listen to Riley play the drums. I mean, he's so good. It's such an honor to be blessed with the sound of his awesome drumming. Every. Single. Minute. Of. Practice. But you know what they say, you don't realize how much you value something until it's gone. But lucky for me, I'll never have to experience that regret because he'll never...EVER... stop playing...
6. Prayer circles with Mr. Rick. "Who wants to pray?" *Mr. Rick looks at person who wants to pray*. Need I say more?
5. Band hugs. Our band hugs are interesting. Well, the thing is, that we actually don't really have them...they are more like band "huddles". Though, it's hard to do that when people in said huddle only slightly touch the shoulders of the people next to them...cough, Trey. Hey, but it's okay. I'm getting used to it. Maybe we should all do that so it would be less awkward.
4. Being the band secretary/social coordinator. That's right. There is nothing that I love more than to be the one on whom all social events within the band rest. Wait, I can think of something that I love more than that. What I REALLY love is planning an event and then people not being able to go, except I can't make everyone happy and so I just have to choose a night and it ends up being just me and Trey and the Jr. high band (that's right, I'm their secretary/social coordinator too). AND I love getting called by Mr. Rick asking me why I uninvited the Jr. High band even when that is the furthest thing from the truth, especially considering that if I were to have uninvited them, it would have been just me and Trey, which, I'm sorry, is not a party. Oh, but I can think of something that I don't love about it. I don't love when the plans seem to be going perfectly. It always seems...too perfect. Thankfully, the eeriness of that perfect situation is always squelched when I find out that the day that I planned the party happens to also be the day of some random church-wide event that we must go to. Perf. There are more things that I love about being the band secretary/social coordinator (which I thought I had fired myself from...but apparently not, because I planned the last one. I guess that job never really escapes me), but I'll spare you for now.
3. Getting my bass amp taken away from me against my will. Whew, I'm so glad that I had to go through that. Good thing I could always hear myself loud and clear, or else I would have been really annoyed, because the taking away of bass amp would have appeared pointless.

I think I've had enough fun with that for now : ).
Now seriously...

2. Being in the band has taught me a thing or two about "freaking out", and change. I've learned, as I mentioned a few posts before, that freaking out never helps anyone else in any situation. It helps me, of course ; ), but it gets rather obnoxious to others. But I've learned somewhat to compartmentalize when something is stressing me or when I'm pressed for time or anything else, especially in band situations. Usually, though, it works because it goes like this - Trey says "este vata" and makes me feel like I'm insane for freaking out, Katie calms me down with logic, Will's indifference doesn't affect my mood at all, and Amanda just makes light of everything (in a good way), though Riley is usually freaking out about something else, too...but it all ends up ironing out. In any case, things have been changing lately, from the stage set up to Amanda being gone throughout July to James Roberts in stead of Mr. Rick this summer. I've had to learn that change is not always bad. James has been completely awesome, and I'm glad that we've had the honor of him being with us. Obviously, he does things differently from Mr. Rick, but that's because a) they have vastly different personalities and methods, and b) Mr. Rick is probably almost twice his age ; ). I'm still struggling with change, of course, though, evidenced because not only did the band's efforts to explain to me why changing up the stage is necessary and not harmful fail, but I also still find myself saying "but that's not the way we've always done it" quite a bit, or at least thinking it. But I'm slowly getting over it. Change, I mean. In time...
1. Watching God use us in so many ways despite our incompetences. Obviously, this is the one that I value most (but notice, it's number one!). All joking aside, it's been so neat to watch how much this band has evolved musically, socially, and most importantly, spiritually. We got off to a very rocky start, but after Blind Spot, it was evident that it was all much greater than us. We definitely were not as prepared as we would have liked to have been (I recall having to calm Amanda down before hand because she thought we weren't well-prepared at all. She was the most freaked out I've ever seen her be!), but we ended up playing well, and God used us in so many ways. It was pretty awesome. Same with camp. It always ends up working perfectly - just two Sundays ago, we hadn't practiced really, and we just picked a random set and played it. The first couple songs weren't exactly up to par, but the second set songs went PERFECTLY with what Jeremy talked about, and we didn't even have any foreknowledge of the message! It was tight. I can't even explain it, though...how much I feel we have improved, and how much Trey and Katie and Amanda have risen up as leaders. We all have, really, but those are the ones that came to my mind first...Trey and Katie because they are the most obvious (Trey is the "defacto" leader as we all call him ; ). but all joking aside, he is a natural leader and has grown up and matured SO MUCH, even in just this year. I couldn't even describe!), and Katie because she leads vocals most of the time, but Amanda as well because I've been able to watch her become much more confident - not in her own abilities, but in God's ability to work through her. It's been really cool watching her do things without questioning and doing them really well - God has just completely shined through her this year. It's rocked. And of course, Riley has always been a leader. Will has kind of come out of his shell ; )...from what I understand, camp was a big step for him in some ways. I'm excited to get to know him more and watch him grow next year. As for me, I can only hope that I've risen up as more of a leader who doesn't rely on herself...who doesn't trust in chariots or weaponry or man's ability, as it says in the Bible, but in God and His power alone. I cannot tell you how rewarding being in the band is, if only because I get to see God equip who He calls, regardless of the level of talent or expertise (which in many cases is average, or at least nothing too extraordinary). To be a part of one of man's favorite and most expressive form of worship is so rewarding, not only personally, but also as a band. I can't wait to see what else is in store for us...

I've Been Reading My Old LJ

Molly — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:24:15 +0000

It's quite entertaining. My favorite so far has been this...

"I realllly want to drive! but guess what, I'm getting my permit by the end of feb. aka my license before the end of august, before junior year, before any of my freshman friends! and I am really excited. this is a little later than anticipated, but whatever. the point is that it's going to happen. and SIXTEEN, this summer! ah. I can't even believe it. at all. it's surreal, it's going to be amazing, it's going to be sad. sixteen is such a huge age. definitely the age I've been waiting for since I was 8 years old. it's been interesting to see how I've turned out....the younger 10 year old me who played house with her 8 year old sister bethany and pretended that she was sixteen and beautiful and quite the social butterfly with a cool car and a cool boyfriend...may be disappointed to see how the actual sixteen year old molly will be. but, I'm still me, and I definitely haven't changed much- whether that's for the worse or for the better. I'm thinking that sixteen isn't all that it's cracked up to be, though. not sure. of course, after sixteen I'll be craving 18 and after 18 I'll be craving 21 and after 21 I'll want to get married and then stay in my mid-twenties, and then when I get thirty I will pretend to want to be "thirty, flirty, and thriving" but I'll still be partially in denial, and then when I hit mid-thirties I'll realize that I'm in my thirties and approaching the forties fast, and when I'm forty I will learn to just lie about my age but be secretly satisfied with everything and just live my life and realize that I have at least half my life left. then commences the mid-life crisis, followed by a cute silver convertible and a "weekend with the girls", then I will cry all the time because my children are growing up so fast, and then my children will be grown up and I will be home alone around my 50s, but not really cause I'll have my husband. when we are finally "freed" of parenthood (though I'm sure it never ends), we'll travel the world and live off retirement money and spoil our grandchildren and make them cookies and I'll sit home and knit all day in my rocking chair. I'll play piano often, take long walks, be in a "bridge club" and play bingo with the folks, I'll always want to play cards, and I'll butt into my grandchildren's life too much. then all the sudden my grandchildren will be getting older, and as will I. around 70 I'll decide that I've lived a really good life and I'll finally be content with my age and I'll be the cute grandmotherly type who isn't afraid to die and is always teaching her grandchildren valuable lessons. one of my grandchildren will look like me, and another will have my personality, and I'll be able to finally see myself from the outside looking in. I will thank God daily for everything and always make sure that I am ready for when the day comes. when I get too old to where I have to walk slow and talk slow and say "what did you say?" repeatedly, I will still be happy and I will still have my husband by my side so everything will be okay. I'll die sometime around 90 peacefully, and my children, grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren will hopefully remember me as someone who finally learned to not live in the past or in the future, but to just live now but with ready feet, and as someone who taught and learned at the same time and who loved sincerely and who was pleasant and not bitter. and most importantly, I can only pray that they will remember me as someone who loved God and who radiated His love to others.
I can't wait!"

Something Valuable I've Learned This Summer

Molly — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 01:11:47 +0000

I've learned that me freaking out doesn't help ANYBODY, in ANY given situation.

Just figured you'd be happy to know that.

Starting to Realize

Molly — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 19:26:57 +0000

The more summer rolls on, the more I've been realizing how hard it will be for me when it ends.

The changes coming up on the beginning of my senior year, which I'm already feeling the sting of, are a prelude to the even huger changes that will happen a year from now.

"Just because everything's changing, doesn't mean it's never been this way before..."

"We've got a hot crustacean band!"

Molly — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 04:32:25 +0000

Today was a really good day! I love VBS. But I'm sort of also glad it's over. I'm going to have "Outrigger Island" stuck in my head for the rest of my life.

I've learned that I judge people a lot more than I think I do. I need to remember what Jeremy talked about on Sunday. Mercy triumphs over judgment.

"Great Father of Mercies, Thy goodness I own, in the covenant Love of Thy crucified Son; All Praise to the Spirit whose Whisper divine seals mercy and pardon, and righteousness, mine..."

But I'm just really excited about Wall-e.

p.s., please be praying for Jeremy, Danielle Weghorst, and Danielle Ordonez. Today they fly off to S. Africa, where they will be serving God for a week!

SAT Scores!

Molly — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 18:10:15 +0000

Got my SAT scores today!! I got a 2180 out of 2400, which is so much better than I expected!! My composite score is 1380, out of 1600. So I guess I'm pretty pleased. I got a 800 on Writing (which is perfect!), and a 690 on both Reading and Math.

The perfectionist in me wants to take it again because I know I can do better. I'm right on the brink of being in the top top range of scores - the big scholarships, I've found (such as Brown Scholarship at Southwestern, which is basically full tuition!), want you to get like a 1400+ composite on the SAT. Same with the Scholars schools (such as Plan II at UT). So, I'm so close. I know that I could do it! So I'll take it again in October. We'll see what happens...

VBS is over...so weird! It was totally fun : )

Now, I'm just really excited about making this epic cake!

A Lull

Molly — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 04:27:11 +0000

My birthday was very amazing, and it ain't over yet (Friday bday party). I'm very excited about decorating the cake. It'll be great!

In other news, I've been in a lull. Right now I don't think I'll be able to make cohesive sentences to elaborate. I am just tired of trying to please everyone all the time. Yet I always do. And I dislike "groups". Especially when they are within the walls of my church, the place (besides my house) where I feel most at home. But I don't think I'll ever be able to escape them, so I'll just crawl back into my hole. Lately my free time has been spent in my room - in my pajamas, reading "I Am America (And So Can You!)", which is really funny, then napping while listening to soft music in the background. It's quite nice. I want it to be summer forever. But it won't be. I'm just kind of walking around though, aimlessly. I like it, but on the other hand I wish that I knew what I wanted to do at all times. I know what I like to do, but not what I want to do at any given time. That makes no sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've lost my sense of purpose lately. I'll get it back, don't worry.

VBS is great. Summer is great. God is great.

Everything's grrr-eat...

Chloe est ma nouveau meilleur amie :)

Molly — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 03:19:49 +0000

I'll post on my birthday later...

First things first, I met a girl from FRANCE who's a foreign exchange student with the Frost's on Thursday! Her name is Chloe. And she rocks. I met her at the Throwdown afterparty. We talked the entire time, haa. Mostly in English (hers is surprisingly very well), but I spoke in French some to practice. It was très intéressant.

One thing I keep thinking about, though, is something we talked about for little while. I asked her about the Christmas traditions in France, and they were pretty similar to ours.Then I told her ours, and included that we go to church Christmas Eve and sing songs and hear the story of Jesus, etc. And then I asked her if she goes to church. She says that she doesn't really anymore, because in France it is very boring. Of course, her family is Catholic, as most of France is. She not only said that, but she also said, while struggling to find the English word, that she "ne crois pas" - doesn't believe. She said that to people her age in France, God is not relevant and that they don't usually believe in Him. She said she'll probably go to church and do that stuff when she gets older because she'll feel like she must. I've been thinking about that a lot lately, and it's made me really sad. I've also read a little on the internet about France's "spiritual condition". It seems France's youth and the culture is becoming more and more separated from the church and from God, probably mostly because they don't see God or His love, only a boring church that is too caught up in tradition and legalism, and that their churches are becoming more separated from and seemingly irrelevant to the young people. I don't know...for some reason, I've been troubled by the thought that there is an evident need in France for people to go and reconnect the people and the culture to God, not the Catholic church or tradition, and to remind the French of Jesus' love and of all He has to offer each and every one of them as individuals...yet I imagine there aren't many who flock there to meet that need, possibly because on the surface it doesn't seem like a place that needs much help.

Just something I've been thinking about.