When I’m cold and alone all I want is my freedom
And a sudden gust of gravity
I stop wailing and kicking
Just to let this water cover me

Only if I rest my arms, rest my mind
You’ll overcome me and swell up around me
With my fighting so vain, with my vanity so fought
I’m rolling over

‘Cause in just the same way
That the stream becomes swollen
Swollen with cold up over the ground
When my heart draws close to the close of autumn
Your Love abounds

All the time I’m thinking
Wondering how would it be
To breathe in deep
I guess I need to be careful when I ask for a drink
(Just might get what I ask for)

And I know just what You’d say to me
That’s why I don’t ask You
What would I ask You?
I’m like a bullheaded boy these days
Crying my toy’s gone
You’re shiny and new

Guess I’ll drop my anger here
Before I float away
And the chains around me
An awful lot of talking
I don’t leave You much to say
You didn’t ever leave me

And my greatest fear
Was You’d leave me here
A long time back my feet
Could touch the bottom

 

I'll post later this week about World Mandate... I'm still processing. I will say these things about it:

1. It was very, very good (as I expected it to be); very challenging. Objectively, it was a great weekend

2. I was in a really weird place heart-wise Friday night, which was not expected

3. Some lies I am believing were exposed

4. I am very, very tired - physically, emotionally, spiritually. Today was one of those days I just came home and curled up in a ball in the bed to hide away from the world. Please be praying for me - my flesh has been rising up this weekend in ways I did not anticipate, and I believe there were even some spiritual attacks on me. All of this was pretty independent from the weekend itself, meaning it wasn't caused by World Mandate; it was kind of just a perfect storm of circumstances

 

 

And now I have a bit of homework to do for tommorrow. Seek His face, my friends.

Well, in a few hours I'm off to World Mandate with my LG/church. I'll let you know how it goes!

Other than that, just a few things:

1. Yoga is still difficult, but I think it's getting easier. Today we did lots of long, deep stretches. So I think I may be getting back to having the flexibility of an average person. We'll see

2. It's disgusting right now. Rain, rain, rain, AND cold. But it's the day the Lord has made even so...

3. I may get to see Andrew sometime this weekend (WM is in Waco). Holla!

4. I've been writing/receiving letters left and right this weekend. Danielle finally sent letter number one of the semester ;). If she's reading this, she should know that she should expect an epic package/letter combo in the next week or so. And don't worry, all, I still have some letters on queue to write.

5. "You alone are my strength, my shield / To You alone may my spirit yield" (As the Deer). My prayer for myself and you guys this weekend.

6. Facebook break is still going strong. I actually have gotten to the point where I don't even think about it. It's really nice. Life can go on without it. Gasp!

I'm in a little "nook" in the library. I go to the library to study/do homework maybe once every two weeks, so when I do it's a pretty special occasion and I stay for usually four or five hours. I really enjoy it, actually. The library atmosphere is extremely conducive to feeling like a college student and actually getting things done (as opposed to my room, whose atmosphere is conducive to taking a nap). Anyways, so I just finished a paper for Intro to Christian Ministry and am about to compile a review outline for my Philosophy test on Tuesday (dun dun dun...).

Anyways, I wanted to share this real quick - I listened to two Antioch podcasts and then a Matt Chandler one. All were good. I roughly typed up this quote from this podcast (that I highly recommend). It's paraphrased because some things spoken are really hard to convey written, but I think I got the heart of what he was saying:

"We have two options: we can retreat, or we can risk everything. There's no middle road. It's been throughout redemptive history that His people have had those two options. In Numbers 13 the people are on the brink of the Promised Land, and they start complaining and rebelling. They send out some spies and are gone for 40 days and came back with a favorable report. However, the other guys wanted to choose a leader and go back to Egypt, even though the land was RIGHT THERE. It's sad if you read this; Hopeful, but sad. Basically the people rebel and God is angry, so Moses intercedes on behalf of the people. He pardons them, and then He basically says this, "Everybody who's complaining, none of them shall see it. Nobody who retreated will see the Promised Land". So this is what I want to say: this is not a matter of salvation, of whether you are going to Heaven or Hell. It says the Lord pardoned them, and the Lord will pardon you if you choose to retreat. But the sad reality is He'll let you wander in the wilderness to die. There's a Promised Land, a massive inheritance just on the other side - it's within gazing distance. It's beautiful; and yet, here we are. We risk so little for the mission! We have our nice comfort zones, we have what we are willing to give up. But we still have two options: the option to retreat, and the option to risk everything."
-Caleb Gallifant (a guest speaker for Dwelling Place, the college service Wednesday nights at ACC Waco)

As I said in another post, I've been on this huge Caedmon's Call kick. I'm going to make a few CC  lists real quick. Except this time, the order is deliberate (I'm going to try my best!):

Favorite Albums
1. Caedmon's Call (self-titled)
2. 40 Acres
3. Long Line of Leavers
4. In the Company of Angels: A Call to Worship


Favorite Songs
1. There's Only One (Holy One) (Where my Shepherd leads / Where else can I go / Who else fills my cup til it overflows?)

2. Faith My Eyes (Keep on comin' / With the lines on the road / And keep me responsible / Be it a light or heavy load / To keep me guessing / With these blessings in disguise / And I'll walk with Grace my Feet and Faith my eyes)

3. Thy Mercy (Thy Mercy, my God is the theme of my song / The joy of my heart and the boast of my tongue)

4. Thankful (What part can I play / In the work of Redemption / 'Cause I can't refuse and I cannot add a thing)

5. Hope to Carry On (I can see Peter put away his sword / He won't fight no more / 'Cause Love has Come / And it's given me hope to carry on)

6. Bus Driver (What would you say / If I told you that I won't be by today / Would you say that I'm just a bus driver, what do I know)

7. Coming Home (You say You want a living sacrifice / Well I am a burnt offering / Crawling off the altar and back into the fire)

8. Not Enough (I find direction in east-bound clouds / And long for what they have / but when I step into its mist / The substance I cannot grasp / So I paint a portrait of You / As if You had human disguise / With oil and canvas to be clay / To open up their eyes / Like You opened up my eyes)

9. God Who Saves (There is life in the blood of the lamb who was slain / There is power, there is power in His name)

10. The Danse (Jesus dansed into the world singing his heavenly song / He taught the danse to those who would listen and learn as He moved along / But the steps of His danse led to a cross / where He died as the haters mocked on / But he dansed through death’s arms and over hell’s gate / and in three days dansed forth from his tomb)


Favorite Abstract/Hard to Understand CC Songs
1. Close of Autumn (In just the same way / the stream becomes swollen / Swollen with cold over the ground / When my heart draws close / To the close of autumn / Your love abounds)

2. Not the Land (This is not the land that was promised me / Near or far as my eye can see / I'm so wound up, I can't even breathe / I don't want words, I just want some peace)

3. Standing Up for Nothing (Lack of interest leads to / Lack of knowledge leads to / Lack of perspective leads to / Lack of communication leads to / Lack of understanding leads to / Lack of concern leads to / This complacency denotes / This approval denies the Truth)

4. I Just Don't Want Coffee (Something's changed today / What it is, I just can't say / And if I don't seem okay / Well I'm okay / Sue me, sue me / If I just don't want coffee tonight)

5. Stupid Kid (Daddy, it's Saturday / But I don't want to go outside / And mow the grass today / Would you love me just as much if I was just your stupid kid?)


That's it for now.

Nothing major to report... sorry there hasn't been much "activity" on here lately!

Spring Weekend was WONDERFUL! I co-led a group of 10th grade girls. It was so much fun! I loooove them. And God did some amazing things in not only their hearts, but all of 249. I truly believe that God spoke powerfully through Luke Johnson and stirred in a lot of the hearts this weekend. Can't wait to see the fruits of this!

School's been going good. I have, like, so much time. It's pretty ridiculous. I mean, last semester I didn't feel busy, but I feel, like, the opposite of busy now. I guess school will escalate more, but I had my homework done for tomorrow all done on Monday. So I'm just trying to learn how to use my time wisely, and take advantage of this as time to spend more time with the Lord and pray more and be intentional with my time. Today I did take a little nap... but I think that naps every once in a while are okay ;).

Lifegroup tonight was SO GOOD!! I'm absolutely loving being more directly involved in LG. David, Sarah, Joey and I meet at their house on Monday nights and pray and worship together and then plan, and the planning meeting alone is always so good (and of course lots of fun :). And tonight, Kelly came (the one who we met randomly on campus and came to the Matthew Party last Tuesday)!! She seems so excited about all of this. It's super encouraging.

Anyways, nothing major to report :). World Mandate is this weekend; I'm really excited, but I totally don't know what to expect. Whenever I ask people, they always just say, "It's just AMAZING!!!!", haha. So it better be good ;). Just kidding. I'm sure it will be wonderful. I may even get to see Andrew a little (it's in Waco). :)

Alrighty, I'm going to try to go to bed right now so I can be ready to attack my "busy day" tomorrow! Later loves.

"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of Darkness,' has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."
2 Corinthians 4:6

I read this verse the other day, and I've been thinking about it ever since. Today I decided to study it and meditate on it more, and I want to share with you guys some of the revelation I got! It's pretty exciting :).

I'll just divide it up by phrase.

I. "For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,'

1. "The earth was without form and void; darkness was over the face of the deep"
   
2. "God said, 'let there be light' and there was light" (Gen 1:2-3)

II. has shone in our hearts

1. Our hearts being like the darkness, the lifeless chaos before the Light; He spoke light into our hearts just like Creation
2. He makes something out of nothing; light from darkness, life from death
   

III. to give the Light

1. Light - we are enlightened; this light is Life; saving Grace
2. "The true light came into the world" (John 1:9); the light is Jesus 
3. "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" (John 1:5)
4. Those who do not know God are described as having "foolish hearts" that are "darkened and exchange the glory of the immortal God" (Romans 1:23). Without God giving us this Light, we are darkened
5. Without Him giving us this light, we are veiled; "The gospel is veiled to those who are perishing"; "the minds of unbelievers are blinded" - can't see the "light of the gospel of the glory of Christ"! (2 Corinthians 4:3-4)
6. It is the free gift of God! (Ephesians 2:8-9)

IV. of the knowledge

1. "Desire without knowledge is not good" (Proverbs 19:2); not enough to desire - He must give the knowledge
2. "God chose to make KNOWN how great are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in me, the Hope of Glory" (Colossians 1:27). He makes it known!
   
3. But though we have this knowledge... "we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, then I shall know fully" (1 Corinthians 13:12)

V. of the Glory of God

1. We fall short of it (Romans 3:23)
2. "The ministry of death came with such glory that the Israelites could not gaze at Moses' face because of its glory"; "the ministry of the Spirit has even more glory!" (2 Corinthians 3:7-8)
   
3. "We all, with UNVEILED FACES, beholding the GLORY of the Lord..." [continued]
4. But what is His glory?
   

VI. in the face of Jesus Christ."

1. "...are being transformed into the same image, from one degree of glory to another" (2 Corinthians 3:18)
2. This image is JESUS CHRIST!
3. "He is the radiance of the GLORY OF GOD"! (Hebrews 1:3)
4. "We have seen His glory" (John 1:14)
5. The glory of God, in the face of Jesus Christ
6. Because the veil has been torn, we are now very BOLD (2 Corinthians 3:12)
7. If I want the knowledge of the glory of God, I must stare in Jesus' face

So even creation is a picture of the Gospel. Our hearts were darkened, without form or void; He spoke light into our hearts, light of the knowledge of the glory of God - nowhere else but in the face of Jesus Christ!

AND!

(This is the really cool part.)

The Lord saw that the Light was good (Genesis 1:3).

He sees the Light that He speaks into our hearts, and sees that it is good in spite of our flesh!


We have seen His glory. Stare nowhere else but in Jesus' face. Know Him. Fall in love with Him. "From His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:16). He's enough. But remember that this is a gift given to you; it is by grace we are saved, it is by grace that He has shone in our hearts to give us the Light. There are people everywhere whose hearts are darkened, whose faces are veiled. Pray fervently that the veil may be removed, that God may shine in their hearts!

"May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face to shine upon us,
that your way may be known on earth,
your saving power among all nations."
Psalm 67:1-2

"The Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up his countenance [or His face] upon you and give you peace."
Numbers 6:24-26

Thanks be to God for this inexpressible gift! (2 Corinthians 9:15)

Getting to hang out with Amanda this weekend was wonderful! :)

I don't have much to blog right now - I mainly wanted to ask for prayer for Lifegroup tomorrow night. We're having a "Matthew Party" (based on a passage in Matthew, that I wish I knew off the top of my head, but I don't... the one where Jesus has dinner with Matthew and other tax collectors and such) where we basically just hang out and eat food and stuff. The purpose of it, though, is to invite people who either don't know Jesus or who don't have a church home yet, to just hang out with them, get to know them, and make connections with people on campus (to follow up on). We'll also have one of us share the Gospel, and another one share their testimony about how going to Lifegroup really affected them and helped them grow. We're trying to get especially Freshman and Sophomores serious about getting plugged into a church (not necessarily ours, just a church) and a community and such.

For some reason I'm nervous, probably because I'm now more directly involved in the planning of the logistics and that kind of stuff. But I'm really, really excited! :) This past week I've challenged myself to step it up and talk to at least one person I've never talked to in one of my classes, and then to find someone in the cafeteria and such and invite them. And then of course there's people I already know. It's been hard, but so good. Every day I'm more convinced that this stuff really is that important, and thus am more propelled to just do it. I challenge you as well - just share the Gospel. If you see someone sitting by themselves in the cafeteria, sit by them, ask them about themselves, tell them your testimony. There's so much life in Jesus. Why shouldn't we tell other people about the abundant life we have?

Anyways, so pray for tomorrow night (at 6:00; we'll be grilling by the on-campus apartments. At 5 we're going and inviting people on campus), that God would really speak to students - that the Gospel will come in power in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction (1 Thess. 1:5) to see people come to Jesus and that UMHB students will realize more of the importance of Biblical community and hunger for more of His presence.

ALSO... Wednesday night at 7 is the first Refuge of the semester (the college/young singles service every other week at my church). I was asked to give a 5-10 minute testimony about how being involved in Lifegroup and serving in church and stuff grew me last year, and specifically how I came to understand more the love of God and fall more in love with Him. I'm nervous, of course. Not because I don't like talking in front of people (I honestly don't mind it), but I'm more nervous that I'll just talk really fast, go way over the time limit and ramble on, etc. (I'm sure you could guess that, as always, I have a lot to say!) Sarah encouraged me to make an outline or something. Last night, the Wahlquists helped me a little with it, so I feel better about it. Anyways, if you think about that, pray that I'll speak with clarity and...very... slow-ly ;).

Love you guys!

May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make His face to shine upon us,
that Your way may be known on earth,
Your saving power among all nations.
  Ps. 67:1-2

For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.
  2 Corinthians 4:6

Hey, friends!

Today has been splendid! :) I got to sleep in a little more than the past few days (9ish), and then went to Carly's at 10 and spent about an hour and a half over at her place. I am so blessed to have her in my life :).

After that, I went to Starbucks in Temple and got myself a Caramel Apple Spice and some coffee cake, and read a little bit and journaled while listening to Caedmon's Call (I'm telling you, I've been on a CC kick lately!). Then, I came back to my room and took a little nap.

Now, I'm just here cleaning up and awaiting the arrival of the magnificent Amanda Atkinson!!! :) She's staying with me until Monday. I am super excited. :)


Oh, and last night was a success - we watched Ever After and That Thing You Do!, and I'm proud to say that I had the pleasure of introducing TTYD to two more people, who loooved the movie! I love lonely nights at Burt, where the lobby is all open because everyone is either out or going home (yeah...most people went home this weekend, after we JUST GOT BACK. Granted, it's a three-day weekend... but still!). I got a lot done with my knitting, and just had a great time hanging out with Jamie (the roommate), Anna (the suitemate), and Brandi (a girl I met last semester via the cinnamon incident).

Later!

So, today I woke up at 7:51, only by the grace of God and through my roommate, for my 8:00 class. Man, it's been hard adjusting this week.

BUT... I arrived to class just on time*, and I got a pretty good sleep last night after a few nights of not-so-good sleep! So I say it's a win-win.

I made a friend-ish in my Intro to Christian Ministry class! Her name is Kendra. She's really sweet, and she's a freshman. I talked to her briefly after class on Wednesday because in all our little introductions she mentioned that she grew up in Glorietta, New Mexico at the camp, and basically that she's lived in church camps her whole life because her parents run them or something (isn't that awesome?). Anyways, this was particularly interesting to me, or at least at the time just interesting enough to mention, because as some of you know my parents met at Glorietta that fateful summer of ('85?). Her parents apparently met around the same time at that camp as well. Anyways, we both thought that was neat.

British Literature was fine enough - we are reading Beowulf. I am really proud of myself; I actually have been keeping up with all the reading (it's not been that much so far - Tuesday, though, I read "The Story of Caedmon", so I FINALLY understand completely where the band name "Caedmon's Call" comes from!). I read Beowulf senior year...but those of you who have kept up with my blogs for that long know that that doesn't mean much. But I am understanding Beowulf pretty easily, am staying focused while reading it... and I'm even kind of enjoying it! Funny what being at college does to you.

Then I went to yoga. As the title of this blog suggests, we actually did some yoga today. We didn't even really do that much - just 15 or so minutes, after she spent the former half of the class explaining things and showing us step-by-step the positions that comprise the "sun salutation" that we'll be doing at the beginning of class (and, yes, it does involve "Namaste", or at least just the gesture). The yoga instructor (profile: her name is Fanny, she has short blonde hair, is by my best guess mid-to-late 20's, has probably 10 or so tattoos in various places, is tall and slender and has maybe 0.5% body fat. Oh, and you can actually SEE the muscles in her arms. It's ridiculous. This woman is INTENSE) made it look so, so easy, and as she was doing everything kept saying things like "don't be surprised if this hurts" and such. Of course, I was confused as to why she was taking so long to explain, and why she was warning us when it looked like all we would be doing was doing the "namaste" gesture, getting into a lunch pose, curving our back, touching our toes, etc.

But I was SO wrong.

Yoga is not for the faint of heart. After just five minutes of doing these seemingly elementary poses, my arms were sore and my heart was beating fast as pretty much every muscle in my body had been engaged. Granted, I'm not as in-shape as I should be right now, but it's usually not difficult for me to get back into aerobic/muscular activity. Thankfully, I was not the only one. Everyone else in the class was feeling the same. This should be a fun semester!

After yoga, I went to the Sub and got two tacos (in the Sub we have two little "restaurants": the generic one that doesn't even really have a name - serves burgers, grilled cheese, etc. - and Tierra Del Sol, which is pretty much heavenly. I usually get a burrito or two tacos. Delicious! It's like T-Bell... but it feels slightly more legit), and then met this sweet Taiwanese girl named Irene who came to UMHB straight from Taiwan to get her MBA just last semester! I love meeting the International Students here on campus.

Then I came back to my room, and since then have done laundry (even washed several items twice... washed some stuff with this new towel I got, and tiny pieces of towel got all over a few articles of clothing that are lint-prone. Sigh), painted my toe-nails, took a shower, etc.

Tonight, I'm going to one of the greatest places on earth, CVS, and then Jamie and I (and maybe Anna?) are going to watch That Thing You Do! downstairs in the lobby! Woohoo!

And tomorrow Amanda arrives. Sweeeet!


*Benefits of small schools. This also brings up the fun-fact that I've been meaning to blog on, that here at UMHB most people drive to class. This could come as a shock to people/make people angry for several reasons: 1) If you've ever been to UMHB, you know that there's no reason whatsoever why anyone should drive to class because it's so small; 2) People at larger schools, or even just slightly larger but more hilly schools such as DBU, don't get the same leisure as we do - our small student population + flat terrain + parking lots right by buildings = awesome, convenient parking spots; 3) Driving as opposed to walking/riding a bike is just plain lazy. But, today, for me this particular advantage was a life-saver. Go Cru!

Over the break, I read two books (well, one I just finished today) about how two churches came to be - Mars Hill in Seattle (Mark Driscoll) and Antioch Community Church in Waco (Jimmy Seibert).



(The Church Can Change the World by Jimmy Seibert and Confessions of a Reformission Rev. by Mark Driscoll)

Some excerpts from Seibert's:

"Sometimes I couldn't grasp Robert's [Robert Ewing] deep teaching, but there was something about his intimacy with God that drew me to him. I asked him, 'Robert, how do you love Jesus so much? How do you live such a pure life and carry the presence of the Lord so wonderfully?'

Robert replied, 'First of all, Jimmy, you need to know that it is not me, but God working in me. For the last thirty years, I have started off my days by meditating on Scripture about the cross ... I meditate on the cross every day and I identify with it. I roll off my concerns and anxieties into the person of Christ, and then I go into my day and I walk with the Lord. At the end of the day, I come to the cross again and I unburden the hurts and struggles of the day. I wake up in the cross and I sleep in the cross. That is how you live free in love. That is how you remain pure and holy before God.'"


"Christ must be the One consuming us, and out of that we do His bidding for His glory. We have found that intimacy with God is the hinge on which every issue in life turns. If we are connecting wholeheartedly with God, then we are able to live in His presence and accomplish what He has created us to do. Without Him, we are truly nothing."


"Love God. Love each other. Love the lost. Do you think these values aren't worth living out? Do you think it isn't worth laying it all down so that you can see lives changed? This is worth giving our lives for. There is no cost too great for all to hear and know, for all to see Jesus glorified. If we love Jesus and are obsessed with Him, if we love the church and have biblical conviction, then what else can we do but give our all?"


(by Carl Gulley...)
"But I refuse to be caught up in the small stories that seem brilliant at the moment, but soon become faded glory. I desire to be taken into His story. Into Your great plot for me and mankind. So I leap into the chariot of fire and ask for humillity and courage to leave it all behind: no matter the cost! Because You deserve it. And they need it. Because I love You. And they need You. And the Spirit and the Bride are still crying out, 'Come, Lord Jesus'. And You will. You always do."

I am more convinced every day that the local church living out Kingdom values is the most exciting thing happening in the world today, and that I want to be a part of it! I mean, this is life-changing stuff. If you want to become more excited about this and read about what God is doing around the world through His Church, read one of these. It really does matter. God IS moving! If we all pray fervently for it, I believe He'll come like the rain. But are we praying for it? Do we even care?

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed.
-You'll Come by Brooke Fraser

So I asked Carly (a Senior nursing major) about my hands, and she said that I just have Excessive Dryness, partly due to the weather and partly due to lack of enough water. She said that I should just drink more water, and then she gave me this vaseline-like lotion for me to put on after I wash my hands. They are already getting better! :) It's so great being surrounded by a bunch of future nurses! haha.

So, Wednesdays are long. Class from 8-11, Chapel from 11-12, and then me and my friends go to the Methodist Church in Belton, which serves college students homemade lunch from 11-1 (yeah, it's pretty awesome :). I then go to class from 1-2:20. So today I was gone from 8-2:20, which I know doesn't seem very long (especially for you high-schoolers), but for me it's a change because I never had days like that last semester, and especially taking into account that it starts early.

These past few nights I have not been getting good sleep :(. I mean, it's not like I haven't been sleeping, but it's been the kind of sleep where you wake up feeling like you didn't actually really sleep. Very interrupted, long nights. So, last night was no exception. I slept through EMP (which I haven't done since I started going! I didn't even hear my alarm...), and then was pretty tired all day. AND, to make matters worse, I felt like I was in the beginning stages of getting my seasonal sickness (I can always tell!). So, to combat it, I came back to the room, took an Advil, drank some water, ate a coughdrop, and then Jamie gave me this stuff to dissolve in water that has vitamins and that kind of stuff (I think she said it was called "Airborn"). So I gulped that stuff down, got my pj's on and then read in my bed (I actually didn't have any homework today to do because I only have one class tomorrow and I've already done the homework for it :). Then, I took a quickie hour in a half nap (I made myself not take a super-long one). I feel so much better! Yay! :)

I think that's about it for today... school today was basically the same as Monday, but with Chapel in there. Chapel was pretty intense today - they had these two guys from "Team Impact" who go around and do crazy feats like tearing a phonebook in half and breaking really hard things with their hands and crushing full soda cans in their palms and then share the Gospel. It was really tight. The guy who spoke to us shared his testimony and then shared the full Gospel in a way that was understandable. You could really tell that everyone was actually listening (it was pretty quiet in there). I was just praying the whole time that God would speak to people in there and change lives forever. Let it be so!


Oh, Lifegroup last nght was really good :). It was so great getting back into it! I was a little nervous because it was my official week "interning"... but I think that it went well :).

Tonight I have band practice for Refuge... hope it goes well!


Oh, wait - Question: I will be doing a research paper towards the end of this semester for New Testament. He's giving us a choice of 6. Which one should I do?

1. The Role of Women in the Pauline Churches
2. Women in the World of Jesus
3. Marriage and Divorce
4. Charismatic Worship and Speaking in Tongues
5. Pseudepigraphy in the First Century
6. The Jesus Seminar

So, Tuesdays and Thursdays I have one class: Intro to Philosophy from 11-12:20 with Dr. Robinson. Pretty sweet gig.

Before I describe how that experience went (though I'm sure most of you could guess), I want to comment on a strange phenomenon that has emerged on my hands and wrists. In the past week or so, my knuckles specifically have been looking bruised and scraped. And if not that, then very dry. On my right hand especially. Then on my left wrist, there is an extremely dry spot that looks scraped and cracked. I mean, what is this? I'm actually having to moisturize every day so I don't look like I have some strange disease. What in the world?

Here are a few images I just took of my hand to give a visual. I tried to make them pretty contrasted, so they may or may not be slightly dramatized.


Doesn't it look like I just punched the lights out of someone?


Anyways, so Philosophy class. I really like the professor, of course. But it was really overwhelming whenever I walked into the class, because there are probably 50 or so students in there. Woah! And most of them are upperclassmen.

I can already tell that I'm going to have a lot of trouble in this class. Not necessarily academically, but more or less trouble not passing judgments. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes about 20 times today in class, and even more so than that thought, "Why in the world does this matter?".

Our first exercise was this: Rank in order from Most Real to Least Real (first of all - what the heck does that even mean?!): God, The desk I'm sitting in, The idea of the desk, the universe, love, and the atom.

I had to buy this homework packet, and the first assignment includes that question above (which we discussed at length in class - and of course I still have no idea what the "right" order is. We pretty much covered every pointless question imaginable; "Are thoughts physical or something more?", "Is it 'rational' to believe in God or say that He's "most real", or is that all faith?", "What does it mean to be?", "What is an 'idea'?", etc.). The other two questions are: What is one thing people do that you consider to be wrong and why, and then (the most annoying of all) - something along the lines of "Are you still in bed sleeping? How can you be sure?".

Well, the rest of the day will consist of getting all my class stuff organized, doing a little reading/homework, and then resting until Lifegroup! I'm super excited to get back into LG :). We're having brisket tonight, as well. Yum!

Before I go off to my last class today, a quick update on the previous four in a half hours, while it's all still fresh on my mind...

1. Woke up at 7:15. 'Nuff said.

2. Intro to Christian Ministry at 8 with Dr. Henderson. I really like the professor, and the people in the class seem nice enough. The class itself won't be very hard; it's not exactly as much of an academic class as it is an orientation of sorts into the ministry-ish majors. I even get to take a personality test ;). Now THAT's exciting!

3. British Literature to 1785 with Mrs. Brown. She's probably in her 60's, and has kind of a bowl cut :). But she's really nice! Well, I don't know about "nice"... what I mean is she has a very quick wit, and kept us laughing. I think that I'll enjoy this class, even though there's, like, 40 people in there, none of whom I really know. I really wish that I could have taken this class Honors (less people), but it wasn't offered this semester. Should have done it last semester. D'oh! Oh, and the curriculum looks like the stuff that we (should have) read/studied Senior year. Shouldn't be too hard.

4. YOGA!!! Okay, so I'm really excited about this class :). There's about 16 of us in there (all girls, including my good friend Becca), and the "instructor"'s name is Fanny. She seems really cool! This class is going to be super fun. None of us have really done yoga before, so we'll all be learning together, which is good. We won't actually be doing yoga until next Wednesday, though. I'll let you guys know how it goes! The only thing I can see that I wouldn't like about this class is that it has the potential to get a little too "hippie" for my taste. I heard mention of candles and low-lighting. At least she said we'll try to stay away from "meditation". Oh, man. Ha!

5. Got my ID card "activated" (whatever that means), then went to lunch with Becca, Heather, Gracey, Jill, Katie, Meredith. It was kinda cool being back in Hardy. I mean, it's not like the food is amazing, but there's a lot of it. I'm down. I even topped the meal off with a bowl of Lucky Charms. Can't beat that! ;)

6. Waited in line for a while and bought my last two books I need. Also, I discovered that the UMHB Bookstore (which, before now, has not been anything spectacular) sells my favorite Pentel R.S.V.P. pens for 89 cents! Now THAT'S impressive. New favorite place! :) Any place that sells those pens has my utmost respect (because, of course, by their exquisite taste in ball-point pens they are marked with nothing less than high-class sophistication). I had to buy two more. I'm obsessed!

7. Talked to mom a little today, and tried to get some stressful money stuff figured out. I'm sure it's not very stressful, but it seemed so to me, mostly because I have no idea what any of it means. When I got my card activated, they informed me that "I" owe a balance of three thousand something (do they know who I am?!). I ended up calling my mom, of course, because the parents take care of that junk. But one of these days there really is going to be a money mistake or a misplaced balance or something, and they are going to strip me out of my room and throw me on the streets until I pay them back. At least that's what I fear in these situations (going to a college away from home, having no idea how or whether everything gets paid for). I feel like there's information that I'm supposed to be aware of, things I need to sign, someone I need to talk to, or whatever to make myself feel a little more "legit". Whatever. I guess I'm just content to go to class, not ask any questions, and try not to draw attention to myself. :) (This reminds me of the time I wrote you guys about when the "Feds" were threatening to go after me. I mean... what in the world?)

Or whatever you'd prefer me to call Belton. :)

A few things on move-in:

1. Before I officially launched off, on the way I stopped by Half-Price Books and found 2 Caedmon's Call CD's that I don't have my own copy of ("40 Acres" and their self-titled) as well as Jennifer Knapp's "Kansas" CD (which is still one of the greatest of that time, in my opinion). I was extremely pleased :).

2. After that, I stopped by the Swan house and FINALLY met Sarah and Sydney (their new twin babies :)! I'm telling you... they are precious! Agh... I have baby fever :). I wasn't able to stay long, but I got to talk to them and see Samantha and Jacob, for a good 15 minutes.  On my way out, of course, they gave me a coke and some cinnamon rolls :). I love them! So blessed to know this family.

3. The drive up to Belton was pretty amazing. The weather was SO beautiful - pristine blue, cloudless sky, and I got to watch the sun set out my window. It was perfect. I could have driven for several more hours; I still really like driving.

4. I arrived at the U of MHB at 6:30, and quickly checked in and got my key back.

5. About the actual move-in, I'll save you all the gory details and simply set the scene: 3rd floor. 5 doors total to open. 5 trips from car (in a less-than-convenient parking spot) to room. Aching muscles. Out of breath. Lots of sweat. Paaaain...

6. After finally getting all my stuff in the room, it took about an hour and half to put it all back.

7. I injured myself within 5 minutes of packing one of my boxes (I was taking out my razor and nicked my pinkie - lots of blood!). Thankfully, a care-package-ish thing with band-aids and wipes that mom sent along with me were right next to it in the box. Thanks, mom!

8. If anyone reading this needs any of these items, let me know, because I have enough to supply a small village of each of these: toothpaste, shampoo/conditioner, Advil (I rarely use this), chapstick, gum, toothbrushes (believe it or not), FLOSS.

9. Just in general, I came back with way more than I brought home (though it may have evened out slightly more than I would think because I brought a lot of books and cds and such back to sell). "Can't wait" for the move-out come May...


I have my first 8:00 class tomorrow morning... eek! I'm actually really nervous. I'll post tomorrow letting you guys know how Day 1 went!


Now, about the actual Break (I know this is kind of going backwards, chronologically... I hope you can handle it) - here are some highlights:

1. Job at the Mail Handler! What a blessing.

2. Helping out at Christmas On the Highway and hanging out with "the gang" at IHOP afterwards.

3. Being back at my home church, and having the opportunity to share my testimony of what God's done for me this past semester during the CYS service.

4. Pappasitos. I won't disclose how many times I got to eat there... that's between me and the Lord.

5. Chipotle/Starbucks with Kendall Timmons.

6. Sleepover with Danielle, Amanda, Kate and Kelsey at Mama's house.

7. Lots of Amanda time :).

8. LP at IHOP (to refresh you, LP refers to my PALs friends: Lauren, Sarah, Julie, Jenna, and Mary).

9. Giving gifts to everyone in the family (including extended) for the first time in my life. Fun stuff!

10. UT Snuggie.

11. CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!

12. The "Christmas Miracle" that was getting the living room, new TV, Christmas tree + decorations, etc. all pieced together on Christmas Eve. New tradition!

13. A Muppet's Christmas Carol.

14. Hanging out briefly with the Wahquists at their Houston house.

15. Dropping gifts off at a few doors Christmas Eve (and freaking out later because it got really, really windy...).

16. Getting my poem book finally (a book of the poems my dad has written to me on each birthday from 0-18).

17. More pajama pants (my collection has grown exponentially).

18. That Thing You Do.

19. Christmas in San Antonio - lots of rest, food, and family.

20. Making a pen with Grandpa.

21. New Years at Zach's (5th Annual).

22. Going back to Belton briefly for Katie and Grant's wedding - Cracker Barrell, that silly peg game (I bought one), driving to Dallas, a bladder very near exploding, beautiful ceremony, kickin' reception, dancing with Lucy-Goose, sleepover with Mel at her apartment, ACC Sunday morning, Dead Fish Grill for the first time.

23. El Gallo with Liz.

24. College party at the (John) Roberts' house; brought friend Nikki and had long, fruitful conversation. Pray pray pray.

25. Settlers of Catan.

26. UT/Bama game (excluding most of the Facebook statuses that followed. People were de-friended) with my family, Mama and Papa, and Amanda.

27. Sleepover with Marie.

28. Lunch, Blake's basketball game, and Target with Sarah Madden, including another (hopefully) fruitful conversation. More prayer.

29. One of the most wonderful daddy dates Saturday night (of course, it was at El Gallo. I believe the best ones are held at that glorious place).

30. You've Got Mail with Amanda. I forgot how good that movie is.

31. (I forgot this one - it doesn't fit in with the flow, but I'm too lazy to go and insert it in there) The Wahlquists coming to CYS and then to Del Pueblo with us, and getting to lead worship at that service with Andrew.

32. CYS potluck after service.


Farewell, friends. It's been a good break! I'll most likely be seeing most of you soon (Spring Weekend is this month - I'll probably be coming back to help at it. If not that one, then the Jr. High one in February).

Oh, and I think that I'm going to take a 30-day break from Facebook. I could just monitor how much I get on it, but as I was thinking about it, in the back of my mind I thought, "Could you give up Facebook for a month?".  Of course, Yes. "Then do it!". So, I'm doing it, hoping to use the extra time wisely (ideally, in seeking the Lord, especially in this time). I'll most likely still be blogging, and I'll check email. You know where to reach me.

Before I go: I am officially going to start Interning at my Lifegroup this semester. What that basically means is I'll be in training, under Sarah, David, and Joey, to be a Lifegroup leader. Sarah asked me after Thanksgiving Break, and after prayer and lots of conversations about it I said yes. The goal of interning is to get to a place where our Lifegroup can multiply out. I'm really excited! This semester holds a LOT for me; be praying that God will continue to direct me, and most of all give me peace as I wait on Him.

This is my goal this semester...

1Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name;
make known his deeds among the peoples!

2 Sing to him, sing praises to him;
tell of all his wondrous works!

3 Glory in His holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice!

4 Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually!

Psalm 105:1-4

Marie is spending the night tonight, so I must clean my room/pack up for Belton... oh dear! This is going to be an interesting endeavor. Wish me luck!

In other news, UT did not win the big game last night. Sad story! BUT, the game was a lot better than we expected it would be after McCoy got injured. At one point (I think it was at 5 minutes left) it was 24-21, and we were sure that we could at least get a field goal to tie it up! But then came the fumbles. But I tip my hat to Garrett Gilbert (the freshman who subbed in for Colt), and of course to our brother Colt McCoy, who is "standing on the Rock"!

Alright, I better not stall anymore. Later!

Today has been... interesting! Quite emotional.

Dentist at 8:45 for a cleaning, and then was informed that I have FIVE cavities. I've only had like one cavity in my entire life, AND my last check up was in August, and the other dental place (we just recently changed) didn't inform me of this. In fact, since then, I've even been flossing once a day. Sigh. So, I just got back from an additional 2 hours in the dentist getting three fillings, and the entire left half of my mouth is completely numb, which is interesting. None of it hurt, obviously, but I just had no idea going on. It's interesting being awake, not being able to feel anything, and just closing your eyes while you hear all this whizzing and buzzing and feel all the vibrating. Every once in a while I would open my eyes and see, like, 10 metal gadgets sticking out of my mouth (okay, that's an exaggeration). Thankfully, they gave me this thing to listen to the radio on. (Which leads me to something else - I was only 96.5 for about 20-30 minutes, and, I promise you, there were 5 or 6 songs in a row that sounded like Nickelback. Not because of the content necessarily, but because of the generic sound. I'm assuming that 96.5 does not typically play 5 songs from the same band consecutively, which of course leads me to wonder why every alt rock band has to have a lead singer with that same scratchy, torturous voice. But I digress.)

In between my dentist experiences, mom, Andrew and I ate lunch at Campioni's, and then I went next door with my mom to the Potter's Wheel to paint some coasters for the living room.

While my mom was paying, one of the ladies asked me about college, which of course led to asking me what I'm going to do with my life - but only when the words "Christian", "ministry", "Bible" or what have you came out my mouth. Which led to a 5 minute lecture. Which, of course, led to an emotional meltdown in the car on the way home. Maybe I'll post more on that later... maybe when I can think a little more clearly. As of now, thinking about it still makes me want to cringe...


The chorus from a song off of Caedmon's "Long Line of Leavers" (the CD I got for $1 at Half-price - best dollar I've ever spent!)...

Give me Your hand to hold
‘Cause I can’t stand to love alone
And love alone is not enough to hold us up
We’ve got to touch Your robe
So swing Your robe down low

 

A couple verses on Giving (something I learn more about each day!):

"Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you."
Matthew 5:42

"Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you."
Luke 6:38


Yesterday, I had the wonderful privilege of being able to witness the wedding of (now) Grant and Katie Imbrock! They are a couple from my Lifegroup. It was so sweet. The wedding was in Dallas, so I drove to Belton yesterday, and a few of us (Sarah and the girls, Mel, Joey, and Ray) carpooled to Dallas (stopping at Cracker Barrel on the way, of course!), and made it just on time at 7! The ceremony was actually really short (15-20 minutes at most), but then the reception was SO much fun! Lots of dancing (mostly Swing :), and cake and punch and happiness :). I got to dance with Lucy lots (Sarah's oldest baby girl), and even convinced Mel to dance with me some! I do love dancing :). We stayed until almost 10! Drove back to Belton, stopped at DQ on the way. Yum!

It was SO encouraging and fun hanging out with Sarah and Mel again - we had really good talks on the 2-hr car rides, and me and Mel stayed up until 2 talking at her apartment (where I stayed the night). And then I got to go to ACC for church this morning and see the wonderful families I've missed (most of the college kids are still at home)! The message was really good (it was about harolding Vision, to condense it), and pretty much exactly what I needed to hear.

Afterwards, the Wahlquists, Mel and I went to Dead Fish Grill, which is a "Belton hot-spot" overlooking the lake - apparently, it's a MUST for Belton-ites, and I had never been before. It was actually pretty good (of course, I didn't eat seafood, just a cheeseburger). Great fun there, and then I had to drive back home. Good drive, but I got really tired. I was driving only from like 2:15-4:45, but I guess it was just the combination of having just eaten a lot, it being Sunday afternoon (there's something about Sunday afternoons...), and the fact that I had stayed up late the night before. Anyways, I got home safely :), took a nice long nap, and here I am! Great weekend.

I still have one more week of break, which is nice. I hope to get a lot done (my room, order books for school, do the painting for mom, etc.). The only things I have planned are possible annual sister-lunch with Bethie, Amanda and her sister Joy at Mac Grill, lunch with Liz on Tuesday, College NY party at the Roberts' Wednesday night, and then hopefully at some point hanging out with Marie, who comes in on Wednesday! :) Should be a fun weekend.

I must say, though - being back in Belton made me realize how much I am almost ready to get back into routine again! I can't believe it's almost been a month since I've been gone. Crazy! This semester is going to be very interesting... lots of challenges (not school-wise; I have another easy semester lined up for me, from what I can tell. But who knows), but it will all be good! I'm ready... I hope!

Later, loves...

Honestly, I'm just so ready to see Him move, to witness something amazing. To see prayers I've been praying for over a year answered. Not the minimum, but to witness in ABUNDANCE what He can do. I feel like it's been so long since I've seen that. Not that it's been long since I've seen Him move in my life or since He's answered prayers for me - I've seen a lot of that this semester! It's been wonderful, and I pray that He would continue. But as I was driving home from eating with my LP friends, it weighed extremely heavy on me. You know, when you want so badly to see something happen, that you almost even wish that you could forfeit your own personal experiences with Christ to see someone else experience His presence and be changed forever? I mean, I'd give anything to see certain situations turned around. To witness complete redemption in someone else's life. I mean, what does it take? More prayer and pleading? Lives are hanging in the balance. It will take a miracle! I'm only one person, though, and a very imperfect one at that. I refuse to accept that this is the way it simply has to be. I mean, if you step back and think about it, if Christ really rose from the dead (which, He did), then it matters. All my interactions with people hold eternal weight. Yet, I can't quite hammer that into my brain. My heart is not burdened enough, my conversations aren't enough sprinkled with salt, my faith is certainly not strong enough. Do I really believe that He changes lives? I've seen it in mine. But it's honestly been so long since I've seen salvation in the life of someone I had personally prayed for. When I read about people coming to know Christ and God working miracles, it's now almost becoming some sort of mythical, far-off idea - "that's so great that that happened to them, but I'll never see that", or "I wish God did that for the people in my life". I know that I'm not bold enough, full of enough faith, or passionate enough; but why do I feel like it depends on me? It's obviously in God's hands, but that doesn't mean that I can just sit around waiting for Him to do something! It's such an odd balance to find. There are SO many things that I long to see happen. Why WOULDN'T He want to save these people, change this ministry, reach that people group, show Himself to this person, demonstrate His power for His glory alone?

Oh, Father, continue to weigh this heavy on me, so much that it brings me to my knees more each day. Give me wisdom and perseverance in prayer, and through it all, give me more of Jesus. But, God... please move.

For some reason, I feel this hymn is appropriate for New Year's Day.

This is my Father’s world, and to my listening ears
All nature sings, and round me rings the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world: I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
His hand the wonders wrought.

This is my Father’s world, the birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white, declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world: He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass;
He speaks to me everywhere.

This is my Father’s world. O let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world: the battle is not done:
Jesus Who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.

This is my Father’s world, dreaming, I see His face.
I ope my eyes, and in glad surprise cry, “The Lord is in this place.”
This is my Father’s world, from the shining courts above,
The Beloved One, His Only Son,
Came—a pledge of deathless love.

This is my Father’s world, should my heart be ever sad?
The lord is King—let the heavens ring. God reigns—let the earth be glad.
This is my Father’s world. Now closer to Heaven bound,
For dear to God is the earth Christ trod.
No place but is holy ground.

This is my Father’s world. I walk a desert lone.
In a bush ablaze to my wondering gaze God makes His glory known.
This is my Father’s world, a wanderer I may roam
Whate’er my lot, it matters not,
My heart is still at home.