Three weeks, to the day, 'till I leave. Oh, how time flies!

In other news... I don't even know. Haha. I have so many thoughts swimming around, as always! Right now the Duggars are on my mind.  Danielle introduced me to them. They are this mega-family of, like, 20, and they are AWESOME! Go look them up. And I also read the "story" of the oldest one and his new wife (http://www.ja20.com/ourstory.html), and it made me cry. That's seriously how I want it to be! Sigh. Jehovah Jireh...

At about 9, I saw that the dishes needed to get done, so I put on some music and went at them. Usually when I do the dishes, I kind of end up cleaning the whole kitchen. This time was no different. So I spent about an hour in the kitchen, doing the dishes, deep-cleaning the counters, and sweeping/mopping the floor.

After I was done, I lit my Butter Vanilla candle, and sat down and continued uploading KidzCamp pictures.

For some reason I just really love to clean. You wouldn't guess that by looking at my room, of course. But, in any case, cleaning is very therapeutic. My mind is a cluttered sink full of dishes, but after I clean I feel just as cleared out as the sink. It's beautiful! I hear that women are either cookers or cleaners...I think that I've decided that I'm a cleaner. I just love making things look better and cleaner and neater!

Throughout this hour of cleaning, I couldn't help but imagine myself (hopefully) 10 years from now, alone in the kitchen at night while my husband is resting or reading, and after we've put our kids to sleep. I can see myself loving doing this in the kitchen by candlelight, with a little quiet music on in the background. Oh, bliss...

Last summer, on the way to church one Sunday, I felt the urge to memorize/repeat a verse I had read earlier that day.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand."
Proverbs 19:21

That day through the Spirit I knew that there would be many changes coming up, and that I would have to remember this verse and hold tight to the Word.

I humbly ask for prayer as I prepare to leave for college in less than a month (August 19). Today, I have felt the weight of suppressed worry and fear.

So, of course, I made a mix :) I'll share it with you guys. Title - Artist Lyric Snippet. Enjoy.

1. In The Shade - By The Tree Should I walk the way that has hurt me / Endless time and time before / Or should I take the hand of Someone who will give me more / I know You know me / And I understand all the promises You have made / But somehow I can't feel the sunshine / I am Lost in the Shade
2. Season - Jenny & Tyler You say ask and seek and knock and you will find / Why won't You calm the worries on my mind / Show me what this Season in my life is for / 'Cause I've been trying to seek You / It seems You are shutting every door / Show me what this Season in my life is for /  'Cause I want so much more / Work your renewal through my soul / Bring me through the fire as gold / Living Water come and pour over me / Wash me clean
3. Seasons - By The Tree Leaf falls / And the sky it fades to grey / Summer turns to Fall / Seasons, they change / Waves roll / And the sea changes tide / Everything goes / Time just passes us right on by / The rope you walk on now it will soon turn to dust / And the treasures in your house will they rust, will they rust? / Come to the hill where the Blood flows down / Will you be the thief that cursed Him / Or the other one who turned around / When the Blood flows down
4. All That I Can Do - Bethany Dillon When the waves begin to rise / And all my hope fails / In confidence, I'll close my eyes / Trusting You'll be there / All that I can do is hold on to You / And follow where You lead, where You're leading me / All that I can do is hold on to You / And let You bring me through / Is all that I can do
5. Arise - Shane & Shane Arise and awaken / He is King, He is King / Arise, my soul will awaken / All flesh is grass / Surely fading fast / Oh, soon it's all gone / Soon we'll fly away / Oh, soon it's gone / You are the Maker, the Life-Sustainer / Everything comes, everything goes / When You give the Word / Have mercy, oh Lord and satisfy
6. Grace Upon Grace - Sandra McCracken To Thee I run, now with great expectations / To honor you with trust like a child / My hopes and desires seek a new destination / And all that You ask, Your grace will provide / With grace upon grace, every sin repaired / Every void restored, You will find Him there / In every turning He will prepare You / With grace upon grace
7. The Answer - Shane & Shane Oh so satisfied / At the thought of You / Growing up in me / Covering everything / My happiness is found in less of me / And more of You / And I have found the Answer is to love You / And be loved by You alone / You crucify me and the world to me / And I will only boast in You
8. Faith My Eyes - Caedmon's Call But if I must go / The things I trust will be better off without me / And I don't want to know / 'Cause life is better off a mystery / So, keep on comin' / With these lines on the road / And keep me responsible / Be it a light or heavy load / To keep me guessin' / With these blessings in disguise / And I'll walk with grace my feet / And faith my eyes
9. It Is Well With My Soul - Lyrics by Horatio Spafford, Arrangement by Chris Rice When peace like a river attendeth my way / When sorrows like sea billows roll / Whatever my lot, You have taught me to say / It is well, it is well with my soul
10. Vision Of You - Shane & Shane Here we are, Lord / In this place / Crying out for Your embrace / To hear Your voice / More than songs / Oh, please come / Awaken what's inside of me / Tune my heart to all You are in me / Even though You're here / God, come / May the Vision of You be the death of me / And even though You've given everything / Jesus, Come
11. Be Thou My Vision - Lyrics by Saint Dallan Forgaill, Arrangement by Matthew Smith Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart / Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art / Thou my best Thought, by day or by night / Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light
12. Plans For Us - Jenny & Tyler We can make believe like we are satisfied / We want to taste and see the plans You have for our little lives / Plans for us to prosper, far away from harm / You will come and answer, when we pray to You our God / Plans to give us hope, a future in Your arms / You’ll be found by us when we seek You with all our hearts
13. I Want it All - Shane & Shane There is power in the blood / There is victory in Jesus / Help me glory in the cross / Help me find my gain in loss / To starve is to feast / Less of me is more of Jesus / Lord, I want it all / If I lose my life, I gain everything / And at the cross away with all death's sting / Lord, I want it all
14. Don't Waste Your Life - Lecrae Paul said if Christ aint resurrect / Then we wasted our lives / Well that implies that our life's built around Jesus being alive / Everyday I'm living tryin' show the world why / Christ is more than everything you'll ever try ... We created for Him outta the dust he made us for Him / Elects us and He saves us for Him / Jesus comes and raises for Him /Magnify the Father, why bother with something lesser / He made us so we could bless Him / And to the world we confess him
15. In Christ Alone - Stuart Townend In Christ Alone / My hope is found / He is my light, my strength, my song / This Cornerstone / This Solid Ground / Firm through the fiercest drought and storm / What heights of love, what depths of peace / When fears are stilled, when strivings cease / My Comforter, my All in All / Here in the Love of Christ I stand
16. Days of Elijah - Robin Mark And these are the days of the harvest / The fields are as white in Your world / And we are the laborers in Your vineyard / Declaring the Word of the the Lord / Behold, He comes / Ridin' on the clouds / Shinin' like the sun / At the trumpet call / Lift Your voice / It's the year of jubilee / Out of Zion's hill Salvation comes

   

1. I am back from KidzCamp
2. KidzCamp was amazing
3. I have TDHD to the max
4. I have way too much to do before August 19
5. I am completely overwhelmed
6. I really
  
really
 
really

really

don't want to go to college

I'm going to be at KidzCamp from tomorrow to Sunday! So I'll see you guys on the flip side :)

Before I do, I just want to say that I went to the eye doctor today to get a new prescription and glasses, all by myself. After which I decided I never want to be independent, ever. You want to know why? To give a little context, read this "classic" post (as Jeremy puts it) from two summers ago. Tip: when you are reading it, imagine me talking really fast the whole time, and with my hands as well :). It made me laugh really hard reading it again.

Anyways, I think that I learned my lesson. I almost started cracking up whenever it was time to go pick out glasses (mom still wasn't there - she had to go do other stuff and promised to meet me whenever she was done. I was done a lot quicker than anticipated...), but thankfully it wasn't the same guy. This guy was asian, and a little less intimidating. The point is, though, that this time I was like, "I'm sorry, can we just wait until my mom gets here to pick some out?", and he was like, "Yeah, that's fine" and went back to his little chair. I lingered a little and looked at them more without the pressure of the guy standing right there. I felt bad, though, whenever he was trying to help me at first. I almost wanted to warn him, telling him that I'm really picky and terrible to shop with, and that if I reject the ones that he hands to me, that I'm not rejecting him, just the glasses. Because he handed me a lot that I was just like, "uh...no" to. Hahaha. In any case. AWKWAMETER...

The point of this story is actually to say that I'm going to end up getting the exact same glasses (because my old ones broke :/ ). I couldn't find them anywhere, but the guy at TSO like called the place to see if we could order them, and we can! I'm so glad that we are just going to coddle my aversion to change : ).

Okay, that's good for now.


Stuck in my head for all eternity...Here are some good lyrics. Enjoy. And get to it.

"So I know I got life / Matter fact, better, man I know I got Christ
If you don't see His ways in my days and nights
You can hit my brakes / You can stop my lights
Man, I lost my rights / I lost my life
Forget the money, cars / And toss that ice
The cost is Christ
And they could never offer me anything
   On the planet that'll cost that price

...Your money, your singleness, marriage, talent and time
They were loaned to you to show the world that Christ is Divine
That's why it's Christ in my rhymes / That's why it's Christ all the time
My whole world is built around Him / He's the life in my lines
I refuse to waste my life / He's too true to chase that ice
Here's my gifts and time 'cause I'm constantly
   Trying to be used to praise the Christ
If He's truly raised to life / Then this news should change your life
And by His grace you can put your faith
  In place that rules your days and nights"

-Don't Waste Your Life by Lecrae

Right now I'm playing Canasta with my family (well, actually I am not. Daddy and I have to sit out this round because it's only for four people to play :(. But it's cool. I was doing great just sitting there watching them the first round - the demonstration round - but during this "real" round I decided to cave and bring my laptop to entertain myself a little). I love game nights! This is grrrrr-eat.

I ROF n' BOF'd last night, the last time with BOF. It was wonderful. I was wrestling for a portion of it, wondering, Why July 19th?. But, everything in it's season. It is well with my soul. 

I'm going to post about this later (really incoherently, I'm sure - and I say "later" because it's about to be my turn to play) - we got in a good discussion yesterday (when I say "we", I mean mostly Riley, Trey, Zach, and I at church during down time - we were there the whole day) about license vs. legalism, and everything in between.

Wish me luck with my first time playing Canasta!

---

(30 minutes later)

In case you were wondering, I did terribly. But it's cool :). Sorry, mom (my partner)!

Okay, to continue...

And, just as a "disclaimer", there's going to be a lot of disclaiming in this post ;).

When I said that we discussed legalism vs. license and everything in between, I didn't mean that we discussed what each of them are, we more or less discussed where the "line" is. I suppose. What I'm trying to say is that we talked about "everything in between" more than we did the two extremes :).

What I want to do right now is just basically lay out what I think on this "issue" (even though right now there isn't even an "issue" to discuss, a question to answer, or a commonly held believe to challenge - not yet, at least. These things will come in time), for lack of better word. I'm going to try my best to get my thoughts out and think it through. As most of you know, I basically think by talking (or in this case, posting), so just be patient. If I really wanted to, I could write it all out in a Word document and attempt to string it all together to formulate some kind of thesis statement or something. But, as always, I'm basically Swiss, and am simply attempting to find a balance.

Now, for some either aggravatingly generic or painfully long-winded statements... :)

1. The conversation was spurred by Derek Webb's new song "What Matters More" (which is, of course, what he wants ;), concerning the popular "Tony Campolo quote" line. I do not wish to actually say it or imply it on this blog, to keep it innocent and clean:), but if you would like to look up the lyrics, they are online. In any case, this is what I think about that song/the use of that quote, officially: My disapproval of the use of the profanity in that song is almost purely matter of taste, without even addressing the "we've heard it all before" spiel or going into a discussion about why the Truth can't just speak for itself (like, why does using a curse word all the sudden make a statement more "powerful"?), though I certainly could. I'm still very sensitive to cursing, and yes, even to the "lesser" curse words (which many don't even consider to be cursing - I'm talking about words like "h e double-hockey-sticks" and the "d" word) that most Christians don't have qualms using when they think appropriate. Blame it on me growing up in a bubble (i.e. a home - which, by the way, I will never apologize for growing up in; nor will I ever wish that I had been more "exposed" as a child - where even the phrase "shut up" was tabboo until I was, like, in 7th grade, or a Christian school where using profanity of any sort was almost the most punishable/condemnable offense), or me simply just being naiive, but I still really dislike it whenever people say those words, and especially whenever men say them around ladies (guys reading this, please don't curse around ladies. Or, if I'm the only one who cares about it anymore, just not around me). Of course, there are very Biblical ways to say those two words I referenced up there - I have no problems, obviously, saying the word "hell" in reference to the actual place. But you guys know that that is not what I am talking about. There are even "lesser" ones that I am still sensitive to as well. What I'm trying to say is this: I don't think that cursing is ever in of itself necessary, edifying, or the most/only powerful way to get a point across.

(By the way, as another disclaimer: I realize that I could say a word that carries a harder punch and hurts a friend more because of it's implications than a curse word would, and that I should be very careful about what I say, whether considered a curse word by culture or not. I realize that the charge given in Ephesians 4:29 - a verse I see used a lot when arguing against cursing - pertains to anything that I say, whether "explicit" or "clean". But we could all talk about that all day, so I'll just get along with the point...)

With that said, I heard a few valid points about Derek's use of that word in the song, such as how the word in context of the quote makes it more powerful because it represents an entire idea that Campolo introduced whenever he originally said that (or at least, that's what I understood from the person who said this). I definitely understand that, and am never going to judge Webb for using it, or any Christian who curses for that matter (don't think that I won't keep my friends accountable, though). I even heard an interesting theory on who Derek was actually talking to when he said "Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?" in accordance with the quote, but that's for another post :).

Bottom line is that for me, it's mostly taste. Though this particular subject started this discussion, for me, everything that I say after this doesn't really actually have to do with it.

And now ends all you will hear from me about cursing on this blog, by the way :). I figured that I'd just get it all out in one fell swoop...


2. I believe that if you are asking the question "How far can I go?" that you are asking the wrong question, or perhaps are simply just in the wrong. As Christians, we should flee the opposite way of whatever "line" we are only avoiding crossing rather than avoiding approaching altogether. I hear that truth a lot in concerns to dating, but this goes for many things, in my opinion. This came to my mind because we started discussing beyond cursing and more in the realm of things such as smoking, drinking, getting tattoos, etc. that the Bible doesn't necessarily explicitly command for or against;  topics that Christians enjoy debating over periodically.

Anyway, the concepts of "license" and "legalism" came up here: "License", of course, follows the idea (or, rather, the Truth) that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1 - I'm not saying that this is the theme verse of this concept, though I suppose it could be - all I'm saying is that this is what I think of whenever I think of license), and interprets that whole idea to mean that they can basically do whatever they want (at least I think that this is what license means...I think that you get the idea. I'm being extreme here, but it's cool). Against that idea, I submit that the rest of Romans 8 explains what I hope to convey here pretty well - that living according to the Spirit as a Christian means setting our minds on things that are on the Spirit. Personally, I would question anyone who intends on "walking the line", proudly waving the banner of Freedom above why they are doing so - for the flesh, or in/of/for the Spirit? Is "freedom" (or "license" :) simply only a means of justifying feeding the flesh? Are you doing such and such because God has told you to do so, or because you simply want to do so? I am being painfully generic right now; I could go into specific examples, but that would take many, many blogs. I think that everyone reading this hopefully follows the general idea of both what I am saying and what I am implying.


Then, of course, there is "Legalism". I'm pretty sure everyone knows what this is. Legalism is seen as a graceless list of rules, living under Law rather than under grace. Within the context of the discussion we were having, I don't think that the concept of legalism is as important (or as necessary, as the subject of legalism has, in my opinion, been beaten to the ground) as discussing license. I will say this, though: I have been on the Legalistic side, and, Lord help me, still am at times. I will not attempt to blame this on anything (for instance, to say that it's because I grew up in a Christian home) or justify that. It's my flesh, the part of me that is a perfectionist and wants to please everyone and look squeaky clean (the passage where Jesus rebukes the Pharisees for cleaning their outsides while their insides were filth comes to mind). I say this because, as one who has swung more towards the Legalistic side of the "spectrum", I firmly believe that both extremes are equally disgusting to God. Just as "religion" (meaning what the culture sees as religion, definitely a negative term) is as dung to God, I think that there is a new equally extreme "religion" that is almost a response to legalism that is just as dung-ish. Sometimes I hear people say things and I think, They said that just to spite "religion" and just to make themselves seem more spiritual because they don't have to follow any rules to be a Christian (by the way - I'm not talking about any preacher or any popular group or anything like that, in case anyone is ready to tase me - I'm just being really generic and extreme right now, for all intents and purposes - notice, not for all intensive purposes, because that is definitely not the correct phrase, as I have just recently learned!). Not, of course, that I could judge anyone's heart; however, I can look at the fruit, and to me the "fruit" of a lot of that nonsense is just as prideful as nasty fruit that comes from "religion". I hope this makes sense. I've been thinking about this a lot, so you would think that my ideas would be organized a little better :).

By the way, I tried quoting this the other day, but failed incredibly...so, I looked it up and will properly quote it here: In his sermon "How Sharp the Edge?" (which I recommend to everyone), Mark Driscoll prays at the end, and says something that I respect a lot, that I think fits in this conversation: "I pray, Lord God, for myself, as I am prone to religion; I am prone to think of myself better than other people because I'm not religious, and being 'not religious' is my favorite 'religion'".

Bottom line: Instead of "what can I do/what can't I do" or "there's no condemnation in Christ, so stop judging me, you legalistic pigs" (hehe), why not, "God, what do YOU want me to do" or "what would please YOU most"? Why not instead of focusing on "shocking people" to get their attention or doing/saying things just to rub it in the religious people's faces or stick it to the Legalistic Man, why not just follow Christ? With following Christ comes these challenges/commands (of course, all from Romans:), ones that don't need foollish rambling about on my part:

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."
Romans 12:1

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."
Romans 12:9-10

"Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires."
Romans 13:13-14

"Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil.  For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding."
Romans 14:13-19
 


3. What I'm really trying to say (actually, what I'm always trying to say) is that there is a balance. As always, I'm speaking to myself, like, ten times as much as I would ever to anyone else. I am very imperfect and am guilty of many accusations concerning these two "extremes". God has been working in my heart so much this year concerning all of this, and has thankfully both brought conviction and profound reminders of His grace.



Alright, that's a lot. I apologize :). I would love to hear what you guys have to say, and again apologize for the excessive disclaiming/apologizing, incessant rambling, and incoherent, probably at times immature/baseless thought processes/ideas. I'm sure there are a thousand logical, and perhaps theological, fallacies in this that any/all of you could nitpick 'till the cows come home. Enjoy.

---

I just read this post to my brother, Andrew, before posting it to see if it's coherent enough, and to see what he thinks about all of it. We talked for about an hour after the fact.

Andrew, please boil down what you said to me in the commentary of this post. I love you very much, brother, and think the world of you. God has given you great insight and wisdom (though you may deny it) - you take the things of the Bible, and of God, very seriously, and I have always been so jealous of that. The way you talk about it all is so fluid and poetic, and I love seeing your passion for words translate into everything you talk about. I love talking with you so much and look forward to being only 40 minutes away from you in just a month.

I feel so relaxed right now, and feel compelled to list 26 simple things I am thankful for!

So, without further ado, Thank the Lord for...

Apple Juice
Burt's Bees (chapstick, shampoo/conditioner, lotion, sunscreen...)
Crying
Daddy dates
Eternity
Feet
Glockenspiel ("Remedy" just wouldn't have been the same without it!)
Houston weather (Stop. I love it)
Ice cream
Jeep Wranglers (one of these days...)
KidzCamp
Letters in the mail
Morning time
Natural things
Old book scent
Plastico Fantastico (which is apparently the name given years ago to my bass)
Questions
Redemption
Sunrises
Tamales
Unborn babies in mommies' tummies around the world!
Volleyball
Weddings
X-foliating scrubs
Your Jesus is Too Safe (finished it!)
Zero mistakes in His creation!

Now, really, bonsoir. :)

I don't know why I'm titling this "Blogathon", but I think that it might be because I've been blogging a lot lately. Whatevs! :)

These past two days have been quite peaceful.

After I posted yesterday, I cleaned for, like, two hours. It was nice. Cleaning for me is very therapeutic! Of course, you wouldn't guess that by looking at my room...ha. But whenever I'm by myself at home, I like to clean while enjoying the silence, or perhaps a little relaxing music.

One thing that I kind of noticed today is that I haven't watched TV pretty much all summer, at least not intentionally. Not that I watched TV a crazy amount in the first place, but I just remember last summer watching a lot more. That is partly because I have been super-busy this summer and there simply isn't time to, but I think that it's also partly because I haven't felt a need/desire to. When LOST is out of season, there just isn't a need to ;). In any case, I'm glad about all of this. It's so nice to not be dependent on any of that stuff. Not to say that time I would spend watching TV has not been at times replaced by things that waste my time about the same, such as Facebook and such, but you know. Baby steps :).

Anyways, after cleaning and such I went over to Kate's house, had a wonderful dinner and dessert with her family (well, 2/3 of it), and then she and I went back to my house to walk Cooper. Oh joy. And then we went to Ian's house and chilled with Jeremy, Ian, Ally, and Chris for a while and had some interesting conversation, most of which filled with trying to remember things that we can't remember. That sounds vague, but you know whenever you can't think of a word, and it's on the TIP of your tongue, and it bothers you a lot? Well, that happened for Jeremy and a song, and we spent about 45 minutes trying to figure out what it was (and it actually wasn't even on the tip of his tongue, so his hints were very vague. One of his hints even misled us - he said that he remembers there being something about a desert in there, but that turned out to be absolutely not true!). Thankfully, he remembered it later (it was "You set my feet on higher ground / I was lost, but now I'm here / With You, my refuge, my stronghold / Always with You...). In case you were wondering, he wanted to remember it because it always bothers him that those first few lines don't rhyme but totally could, and very easily if you just insert "found" for "here". In any case.

After that, we went back to her house and watched Pride and Prejudice, both completely pooped. We went to bed soon after, and I woke up this morning, oddly enough, without my alarm at 7:50. I took advantage of it and ate some Raisin Bran, enjoyed the silence, and went home to walk Cooper, soon after leaving for marathon band practice.

Ahh, MBP (marathon band practice)...how much I love thee! Ha. It was interesting! We took a Balderas break at noon (Thank you, Mr. Stu!) thankfully :). In any case, practice as a whole went from 9:30 - about 3:30. Six hours. Woohoo! I have to say that that is a personal record.

And now, I am at Mama and Papa's house, enjoying a quiet night to myself! Well, Papa is here as well, but we are both tired and kind of mutually agreed to each do our own thing tonight. I think that I am going to start a book that I got the other night at Borders (the first of Francine Rivers' Mark of the Lion series), maybe watch a movie and eat popcorn, and take a relaxing bath...:) I'm excited!

ROF n' BOF tomorrow! As well as my very last Sunday, EVER EVER EVER EVER playing with a 249 band. All things must come to an end....

Bonsoir!

In case any of you are wondering, the original plan (to spend the night at Kate's house) did not fall through! Yay! :)

Today, I got my license renewed at the DMV. Someone, please remind me at some point to blog about my experience (running log: UMHB day, camp, review of Your Jesus Is Too Safe, DMV). I think that it will be an amusing story to tell :).

"Yet even now," declares the LORD,
   "return to me with all your heart,
 with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning;
 and rend your hearts and not your garments."
Return to the LORD your God,
    for he is gracious and merciful,
slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love;
   and he relents over disaster.
 Who knows whether he will not turn and relent,
   and leave a blessing behind him,
 a grain offering and a drink offering
   for the LORD your God?


I will restore to you the years
   that the swarming locust has eaten,
 the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
   my great army, which I sent among you. "You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
   and praise the name of the LORD your God,
   who has dealt wondrously with you.

Joel 2:12-14, 25-26

Adieu!

My "Fave Fives" for today. Enjoy!

Recent Purchases
1. Pride & Prejudice (movie; for myself to own, plus I don't know where the family copy is)
2. Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
3. A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers; first of the Mark of the Lion series, which has been heavily recommended for me to read
4. Of course, my "Birks" (sandals :)
5. New tennis shoes

Things That Should Stress Me Out But Currently Don't
1. Being warned twice about too many online transfers at WellsFargo.com; the Feds are gonna come after me if I don't comply! ;) Apparently it's a federal crime to make more than six online transfers a month. Lame. In any case, I've received two notices by mail and have effectively ignored them. My mother finally told me that this might be something that I should maybe pay attention to... :)
2. My bass being held together by duct-tape internally since camp (my dad's fixing that tomorrow)
3. Rof n' Bof (SUNDAY!:)
4. Not knowing exactly where I'm going to stay tomorrow night (I have a potential place of rest, but it's in the air right now. It will all work out though! My family and Papa are all going out of town, so I need to stay somewhere. I also apparently need to walk Cooper at 8 at night and then in the morning before band practice, which is at 9:30...Oh, Cooper)
5. Anything pertaining to college

Things That Shouldn't Stress Me Out But Currently Do
1. A band party that I'm not supposed to plan (it's for me and KT, the seniors)
2. The Talent Show this year at KidzCamp...Zach and I's must be epic since it's our last!
3. The crazy amount of laundry I still have to do
4.     (I actually am not stressing about
5.      anything else right now! Yay!)

Beautiful Songs
1. "Arlington" by the Wailin' Jennys (thank you Jeremy and Erin for introducing me to them!)
2. "Learning How to Die" by Jon Foreman (as you all know)
3. "Do Not Follow Your Heart" by Jenny & Tyler
4. "Tie That Binds" by Sandra McCracken
5. "Beloved" by Derek Webb

Strangely Addicting Songs
1. "Rebel Intro" by Lecrae
2. "Love Story" by Taylor Swift
3. "Halo" by Beyonce :)
4. "Goodbye George" by Sandra McCracken
5. "I Will Always Love You" by Dolly Parton (as some of you might know:)

Without Apology, Movies (For All Time, As Of Now)
1. A Walk to Remember
2. The LOTR Trilogy
3. Pride and Prejudice
4. That Thing You Do
5. The Emperor's New Groove

Books, For All Time (Besides the Bible)
1. Sense & Sensibility by Jane Austen
2. Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers
3. The LOTR Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien
4. Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen
5. The Scarlett Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Books Of the Bible, Right Now
1. Philippians
2. Hosea
3. John
4. Psalms
5. Romans

Things I Think Are Strange
1. The fact that I have taken barely any pictures this summer. I've even had several dreams lately about me trying to take pictures but not being able to. Weird...Oh, and if I never updated you guys, I definitely decided against buying a nice camera.
2. People's obsession with bacon
3. Close-toed shoes
4. The fact that "they" (you know, the people trying to ruin my life) changed the light for the left-hand turn into our neighborhood from a "Left Turn Yeild" light to a "Left Turn on Arrow Only" light. This happened many months ago, but I never properly and publicly let it be known that I think that that was the worst decision in the world. Completely unnecessary. Adds what seems like 5 minutes to my route home, all of which are spent thinking, "If it was the way it used to be, I could go NOW....and, NOW....and, NOW...", etc. Sigh...
5. The fact that when I turned on my shower the other day a bug the size of China ran out (it had a thousand legs, and five horns coming out of his head. I promise!;) from the drain. Scariest moment of my entire life. I'm not going to be able to shower in there for at least another week...

Things I Need To Do Tomorrow
1. Renew license
2. Practice KidzCamp stuff with Zach
3. Get my friend Julie a present (her birthday is on Sunday!)
4. Clean house a bit
5. Figure out where to stay

Alright, that's all for now!

I started in Joel this morning, and I am going to be honest and ask for help.

Basically, what I'm saying is that you should read Joel 1 right now and help me see what is happening. I've been thinking about it all day, and have been almost haunted by this picture of that dry, desolate, fruitless field he keeps talking about. There is some pretty heavy imagery in here, and I can't help but think that it's for a reason. Why is he calling the priests and leaders to lament and repent? Is it on behalf of their people, or for their own sins? Does the dry field represent the dryness and apathy of the Lord's people, or is it something the Lord alone has brought to teach them something?

I mean, obviously, I understand what the passage is literally saying (because, you know, BFND), but I'm really curious, and hunger to know what it means, whether the meaning is metaphorical, simply literal, or both. All these questions just keep popping into my mind!

"Lament like a virgin  wearing sackcloth
     for the bridegroom of her youth.
  The grain offering and the drink offering
         are cut off
    from the house of the Lord.
  The priests mourn,
       the ministers of the Lord.
  The fields are destroyed,
    the ground mourns,
  because the grain is destroyed,
           the wine dries up,
           the oil languishes."
Joel 1:8-10


"Alas for the day!
For the day of the LORD is near,
    and as destruction from the Almighty
       it comes.
Is not the food cut off
   before our eyes,
 joy and gladness
   from the house of our God?"
Joel 1:15-16

A few confessions I have to make...

1. I really don't like TOMs. Supposedly, that means that I don't love children in Africa or something, so I've always been hesitant to say that. But I think that they are a really weird shape, and don't think that they flatter anyone's feet (not to say that they don't look good on everyone, because I'm sure they do. I'm just crazy. Friends with TOMs, blessings. This is in no way a hit at you!). Before anyone pounces on me, I suppose that I should say that I generally hate close-toed shoes in general (besides tennis-shoes) and avoid them at all costs because I have weird insecurities about the way they make my feet look. In any case, I'm glad I got that one out in the open :)

2. Along the same lines (shoes, I mean), I don't understand why wearing boots is a fad right now. I just don't understand it. Whew. Before I go too far off the deep-end, I'll just say this blanket statement: I don't understand what the big deal about shoes is. I will wear basically 3 kinds of shoes: Flip-flops, sandals, and tennis-shoes. But spending money on shoes in general has never, EVER excited me (except for my Birk's, of course :) But the purchase was heavily pre-meditated, and I believe that it will be worth it), and I basically am okay with having one pair of heels, one pair of tennies, one pair of sturdy flip-flops, and one pair of sandals. I've had the heels that I wore at my piano recital for, like, 2 in a half years now. There's just no need! Haha. Sorry. I could talk about shoes for HOURS, and how much I don't understand why people love them.

3. I am the worst shopper in the world. So, please don't ever ask me to go shopping with you. I could post about this one all day as well, but I'll just leave it at that, as I'm sure most of you have heard the spiel :)

4. I hate bacon. Apparently, this is a punishable offense. Whatevs. Go fry yourself a pig and let it soak in grease while the stench stinks up your house. :) At least Amanda Atkinson is with me on this one!

5. I hate milk. Of course, I will put cereal in it, but if you ever ask me to drink it straight (any kind of milk), I will say no.

6. Basically, I'm really stubborn/picky when it comes to food. Numbers 4 and 5 also apply to a list of foods that include (but, of course, are not limited to): Sushi, Oriental food (besides fried rice), any kind of seafood, cookie dough, coffee, tea, cream soda, root beer, and most obscure meats (like duck or liver).

7. Sometimes I really dislike my personality. I kind of feel like if I were ever to meet myself, that I would really hate her and be so annoyed, and then of course she would get really hurt and cry, which would make me cry and go the whole, "let the flogging commence" rigamarole. But, God made me the way I am for a reason! Ha. :)

8. I didn't cry today (my very last Sunday playing with all the band on the High School side, ever), and I kind of wish that I could have just mad myself get it all out, and feel it in the moment. But there was nothing. I enjoy crying about something that is happening, because it means that I'm being affected by something and am living in the now, rather than in the past or future. There's something special to me about being able to just let myself feel and embrace emotion in the moment. When emotion is brought upon by longing or regret, it's just plain selfish. In any case, this confession is that I'm an emotional person, and I love crying, but I rarely let myself be emotional at the right times. In fact, sometimes I'm convinced that my emotions almost shut off at certain times. I'd like to think that perhaps this happens when I'm so overcome with it, but something tells me that most of the time I am just to busy frolicking in the "la la land" of my past or worrying about the future to allow myself to just feel. As much as people think that I'm emotional, I'm only this way a lot of the time to the extent of which I am empathetic and let my heart rule over head when making decisions and such, though my head usually catches up later and realizes what I actually decided, if that makes sense. I wish I was a different kind of emotional, a less high-maintenance kind, with more consistency and honesty, and vulnerability. I wish I was more the broken-hearted, meek, tender, and compassionate kind of emotional.

9. I think that as much emphasis that is put on girls helping guys to not stumble (though, of course there is obviously not enough emphasis, since, in my opinion, it's getting worse. So many things are acceptable now, and it's just sad) should be put on girls guarding themselves (through monitoring what we read, watch, listen to, etc.) and guys helping girls not stumble. Sure, guys are "visual", but girls are stinkin' emotional (and crazy, too, might I add! And I'm not pointing fingers here - this is all from experience), and we don't get credit for being visual as well! We may not have the same kind of temptations or "stumble" the way guys do, but if you think about it, we all trip over basically the same things. Girls struggle with self-esteem and our image when we walk through the mall or see girls with nice bodies at the beach, and guys struggle with other things when they see the same stuff. And it's not like us girls don't notice when guys single us out or swim without a t-shirt and showcase their bodies. This may be an uncomfortable topic, but I don't want to avoid this one because I am very passionate about this, especially as of late. I wish that I could sit down with every Junior High and High School girl and knock some sense into them. I mean, I've needed someone to do that for me as well. Stop reading those fashion magazines because they are just going to make you depressed and wish you could change your appearance...

(This next one is merely a continuation of #9. I literally just split this huge paragraph in half to make it less intimidating, and hopefully slightly more readable:)

10. ...Stop reading all these romance novels and watching chick-flicks exclusively (I'm not doggin' them, because, hello, they are like my favorite, but I hadn't realized the effect that they actually have on me until just recently) because they give you unrealistic expectations. Stop letting guys charm you, and stop obsessing over them and putting them on pedestals. Guys in high school (for the most part) are just plain dumb. This guy who you Facebook Chat with every night is probably Facebook Chatting with 5 other girls at the same time as you. As hard as it is, don't analyze everything he says and fish for signals. Just WAIT. Wait for a man with a servant's heart who loves the Lord and who won't lead you on, but will rather make his intentions clear and not play these foolish games that look good in Hollywood but make for pretty baseless, shallow relationships in real life. One day you will be swept off your feet, and it's going to be the best experience of your life. But, most of all, it will mean something because you waited for it. The dating experience leading up to marriage may not be as butterfly-y if you save yourself COMPLETELY (not just in the big way) both physically and emotionally (yes, I do believe that you can - and should - save yourself emotionally!), but it will mean something when you are finally married because Love will all the sudden be a choice that you will make rather than a feeling. This guy may not meet all your requirements and expectations or look like the end solution to the silly formula you've been trying to calculate in your head all your life, but he'll love you and care for you and lead you. Your love story may not look like it could be the next A Walk to Remember (yes, I said it!), but you will grow in love for eachother each day by God's grace as you walk in Him together on an incredible journey ahead. Just wait. I guess this is where I should throw in the cliche phrase "True Love Waits", but right now all that that makes me want to say is something like "True Love Died For You On the Cross", and that if you want true love, look to Jesus. Like everything else, True Love comes through Jesus Christ. Seek Him with all your Heart, that you may find Him (Jeremiah 29.13). Don't sit around waiting all the time for Prince Charming. Wait on the Lord, and desire HIM above all else. If it's not in the Lord's plan to provide a husband for you, would you still love Him? Are you looking at Mr. Darcy when you should be looking to Jesus Christ, the only perfect man that ever walked this earth? Are you looking FOR love (usually in a bronzed, blond, and blue beach boy) or are you looking AT Love?

Basically, this confession is that I am speaking to myself in #9 and 10 above all. Lately God has really put this on my heart, and has been convicting me like crazy concerning this stuff. It's breaking me, and it hurts, but it's because He loves me. It may not seem like a big deal to you guys (because I tame it down on this blog:), but the extent to which my heart desires to get married consumes me at times. Of course, I believe that God has given me this desire for a reason. But would I honestly be able to say that if I never got married that I would be okay and still love and trust God? I'm getting there, but it's something I must wrestle with.

Sorry for the change of plans - I guess that stuff was kind of heavy :). But I've been needing to think-talk it out. I actually had some realizations up there! Thanks, reader, for experiencing this journey that is the avoiding awkward blog for all these years :). I've grown a lot, and it's such a joy to be able to share my struggles and lessons learned (and everything else in between) with the few who read this blog, all of whom I love dearly!

Hosea is one of the most beautiful books of the Bible, in my humble opinion. I read this the other day and have been chewing on it since...

 "¹Set the trumpet to your lips!
   One like a vulture is over the house of the LORD,
because they have transgressed my covenant
   and rebelled against my law.
²To me they cry,
    "My God, we—Israel—know you."
³Israel has spurned the good;
   the enemy shall pursue him.

 ⁴ They made kings, but not through me.
   They set up princes, but I knew it not.
With their silver and gold they made idols
   for their own destruction.
⁵ I have spurned your calf, O Samaria.
   My anger burns against them.
 How long will they be incapable of innocence?
⁶For it is from Israel;a craftsman made it;
   it is not God.
 The calf of Samaria
    shall be broken to pieces."

Hosea 8:1-6

I'm not exactly sure why, but that line in verse 5 (emphasis mine, of course) has been on my mind a lot since I read it (by the way, I encourage you to read the whole chapter. I would have posted all of it, but since this post mostly just revolves around verse 5, I figured it would suffice to just give a little context :). 

It reminds me that we are incapable of innocence, soiled since the Fall. 

But, even in this vile, fallen world, where we worship idols and self-destructively seek to spoil even our own precious innocence, and though we buy the cheap, quicksand promises the world makes of fame, power, and happiness, only to be left empty and bruised - despite this, and by the cleansing power of the Blood of Christ, I can't but think with joy that as His Bride, we are capable of innocence. And we will stand before Him one day White as Snow, because He is pleased by the Cross to pardon us and will sanctify us completely, for His glory.

If I were to not do a list right now, this blog would be even more incoherent. So here it goes! : )

1. I really like Sandra McCracken. I recommend everyone to buy (or at least sample) any of her albums, namely Red Balloon, Live Under Lights and Wires, or The Builder and the Architect. I've been listening to her almost exclusively as of late. I think you can get some of her songs for free at NoiseTrade.com.

2. Today was a really good day! I got to spend more time with family than I usually get to, which was a blessing. I ate Del Puebs with mom, Blake, and Papa, had a good day at work, got paid, ate at La Parmigiana with mom (we dined fine today!), came home, chilled, read some Your Jesus is Too Safe (came in today! It's really, really good so far), took a walk with Andrew and Cooper (our dog),and now am watching The Phantom of the Opera with mom while dad is off moot-ing.

3. I promise I will post some semi-coherent blogs at some point, blogging about things I've promised to blog about, such as the UMHB experience, Stockholm Syndrome, and camp.

4. Peace. Thank You, Lord.

5. I'm really excited about my roommate! More on that later.

6. I feel like there was something specific I wanted to blog on today...I can't remember what it was now. Oh well.

7. Interesting discussion I've weighed in on (very abstractly, and with many questions!) going on at Riley's blog...

8. I still have, like, 20 more Thank-You notes to write. The longer I wait, the more meaningful I feel they have to be. I already have so much to thank people for to begin with. And, apparently my Thank-You notes are famous - pressure! Eek! I'll get it done. Tonight I did 3 more. Baby steps...

9. My Birkenstocks FINALLY came in the mail today!! I'm excited :) They fit perfectly, and feel very comfortable. Oh, and they are super-cute, and as Jesus-shoe-y as ever! Well, maybe. They might actually be the most feminine sandals I've ever purchased.

10. Ma Sante Bible a venu dans le mail il y a une semaine. Je l'aime, et je suis tres espoir pour cela, que Dieu me utilisera avec cette Bible pour sauver le peuple francais...at least, ça c'est mon rêve :)

About to go to bed. A few things...

1. Camp was amazing
2. Psalm 20 and Psalm 34
3. I have purchased the much-anticipated Stockholm Syndrome by Derek Webb, and finally just sat down and listened to it all the way through so I can form an opinion; I will post on it later
4. Will finish posting on UMHB experience later
5. I got to hear my daddy teach at the College and Young Single's Wednesday night stuff due to no BITB. I enjoyed it! I love hearing my dad teach :)
6. Today was rather draining. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it was one of those days that made me really happy to just be home
7. Last normal Sunday with the band is this Sunday, July 12 - a lot sooner than I would ever have anticipated
8. In my opinion, the practice we had today was worth a thousand other practices we've had in the past. We've emerged from camp (by God's grace) a much more unified group, in purpose and in Spirit
9. "Really, I have been learning how to die"
10. I really am incredibly blessed

A few things:

1. I will post on the post-UMHB experience on Monday, meeting with the amazing Norvell family (Beth Bennett's fam, for any of you who remember her) at Fuddruckers. It actually got me excited about going to UMHB.

2. I'm going to camp tomorrow!

3. If any prayer warriors are reading this ; ), I'm going to make a list of things that you could pray for if you think of us while we are at camp (July 3-7) - and even one for each day, if that would make it easier :)...

• For the band (Me, Katie, Trey, Riley, Will, and Zach): That our hearts will be humbled as we lead worship. That we would as a group be unified in the Spirit, of same mind and judgment (1 Corinthians 1:10), offering up to Jesus not only music as an offering of gifts He's given us but also our pure love as we allow for Him to change our hearts. Pray that we'll learn what true Worship is more deeply throughout camp, whether on the stage or off of it, constantly humbling ourselves before Him. May we decide to know nothing but Christ crucified, leading worship in weakness, fear, and trembling, as the message of the music and the words we sing would not be words of wisdom but simple demonstration of the Spirit and of power that the faith those who listen and join in with us would not rest in the wisdom of men (or in the musical talent of teenagers, eloquence of speakers, wisdom of leaders, etc.) but in the power of God (1 Corinthians 2:2-5).
  
• For me, that I will be able to focus and that I would be sensitive to the Spirit and ready to listen to Him and soak in the Word. Pray that the Spirit would convict me of any hindrances that must be thrown off and that my heart would not be hardened. Praying Ephesians 1:15-23 over me, or anyone else you know specifically going to camp, would be awesome.
  
• For those who are going to camp who are lost, that there would be Salvation. Pray so, so deeply that God would soften their hearts, as He alone has the power to melt their hearts of stone. Pray that they would find Love, Grace, and Peace there at Camp Tejas and recognize everything that happens there as the work of the Lord. Pray that they would see in the lives of the saved around them God's Sovereignty, and most importantly be changed by the powerful message of the Gospel. Pray that it would be real to them, and that in response they would fall to their knees, broken and in need of Christ's love. Pray that Christ would become the power of God and wisdom of God (1 Corinthians 1:24) for them rather than folly, and that as a result they would confess with their mouths that Jesus is Lord that they may be saved (Romans 10:9) and be called Children of God (John 1:12).
  
• For the speaker, Luke Johnson, that the words he speaks will not be his, but the Lord's. Pray for his heart, that it would be humbled as well, and that he would rely on God and the power inside of him through Christ for all energy, patience, peace, words to say, etc. Pray Colossians 4:3-4 over him, that the Lord would open every door to declare the mystery of Christ, that he may make it clear.
  
• Simply that everything done there would be about Christ, for Christ, and in Christ; that the Gospel will be proclaimed in everything we do, whether during recreation, breakfast time, music time, speaking time, and everything in between. Pray Colossians 3:16-17 over us, that the word of Christ dwell in us richly, as we teach and admonish another in wisdom and sing songs, that it would be done with thankfulness to God. May whatever we do be in the name of the Lord Jesus. 

Alright...see you guys July 8! :)