So, today I went to UMHB with my two favorite people (hint: their names rhyme. Oh, and one of them birthed me) for "Orientation" to register for classes and such.

I'm not going to lay out the whole day in detail; rather, I will zoom in and elaborate one particular event...

I want to discuss the Registration experience. I'll start off by saying that I was the very last one that registered for the day. And, for what it's worth, today was the second to last day for any UMHB student to register for classes.

The scene is set!

In regular-speak, and in chronological order...

Round One: After waiting for about an hour, my name was finally called. I followed this really nice lady into an office I presume to be hers filled with Dr. Seuss paraphernalia. We sit down, and she starts by looking through my file, after kindly introducing herself to me and my parents. I know exactly when she sees the word "Undecided" timidly written on the outside of the manila folder; she gives me "the look", a look which I most likely just perceive as a mirror of how I, myself, feel about my current educational status.

So, in my mind, I have just received "the look". She then proceeds to ask if I have any ideas whatsoever about what educational paths I would maybe like to start on. I make the unfortunate decision of saying, "No, everything is wide open!", which is, of course, a lie. My dad quickly, and rather nervously, begins to propose that this is not exactly true, that there are many majors with general subjects that I would most definitely not like to pursue. So, I list off a few, knocking out about 80% of UMHB's majors (you probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not!). I reluctantly attempt to put into words what I would like to study, trying my best to refrain from anything resembling an "MRS Degree with a Minor in Childbearing" joke. Uninspired by my specific-enough-to-study-it-in-college but generic-enough-to-still-be-Undecided apparent "aspiration", she commences an equally generic speech, telling me that I must take a Freshman Seminar course, the Old Testament Survey class, and probably an English and a History class, as well as chapel, mentioning nothing about any Honors courses, which UMHB told me that I will be able to take. This confuses me. Thankfully, I go with my instincts and politely inquire about this. She says something about me probably not yet qualifying. I'm extremely confused now, and I tell her that UMHB sent me confirmation in the mail after I applied for it.

She apologizes for the mistake, and then swiftly excuses herself out of the room to diagnose and fix the problem. About three minutes later she comes back in the room, telling me that I must see to a different advisor, but that she was happy to meet me anyway. I say the same.

Round Two: I wait another 20 or so minutes, making only slightly forced conversation with Christy, a tired Cru Worker. Finally my name is called once more, and I walk in with my parents to a table in the back, noticing that I am one of the two last students in this Registration room. My parents and I are introduced to Mr. Holcomb, a nice man in charge of the Honors Program.

I will now switch to Molly-speak, if I may...

Okay, so, PRAISE THE LORD (I must have said that about a thousand times today)! Apparently, with a combined effort of Dual Credit courses and AP tests, I have tested out of the core requirements of English, Social Sciences, AND Science - Yes, a 3 on the Chemistry II AP Test does satisfy the Science Lab requirement for UMHB!! When Mr. Holcomb told me this, I wanted to jump up and down and shout for JOY. NO MORE SCIENCE, EVER!!!

Apparently, this poses a problem for my schedule, as Freshmen's schedules are usually filled with the "Basics", as everyone has been reminding me lately (because I've been rather worried about this very day, not knowing what classes I'll take). So the next 30 minutes or so was basically filled with, "Oh, what about THIS class! ...Oh, sorry, it's full" and "Well, you'll have to wait until next semester to take that one", and occasionally a "Well, that class clashes with your Old Testament class". I promise you, I even considered taking Sign Language at one point. Hebrew. Art Appreciation. Music Apprecation. Japanese. ANYTHING! At this point, I am pretty amused.

So, we have filled up 9 hours with some legitmate, even required, stuff: Honors Old Testament (which, I might add, only had one spot left when I sat down with Mr. Holcomb), Chapel, Freshman Seminar, Public Speaking, and Design. It takes us about 10 minutes to find a class to fill those last three hours that isn't full, in need of a pre-requisite, or at least half-interesting. Finally, my mom ropes me in to taking Intro to Business. I concede, and we all breathe in one huge sigh of relief, as I will actually be eligible to attend UMHB in the Fall. Woohoo!

I'm sure you are all curious as to what my schedule looks like now. Let me just say, walking out of that Registration room, I was beaming!

Monday
9:00-10:50 Design
12:00-12:50 Intro to Business

Tuesday
1:00-2:20 Old Testament
2:30-3:50 Public Speaking

Wednesday
9:00-10:50 Design
11:00-11:50 Freshman Seminar
12:00-12:50 Intro to Business

Thursday
1:00-2:20 Old Testament
2:30-3:50 Public Speaking

Friday
11:00-11:50 Chapel
12:00-12:50 Intro to Business

Did you catch that?

My earliest class is at 9:00, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, my earliest class is at one o'clock. Does this ever happen in college?




Whew.

Though I feel better about this whole "college" thing after today (though slightly more nervous as well because, due to the fact that I'll pretty much be considered a Sophomore after first semester, I need to decide on a Major more quickly), I still kind of feel like I'm just a child playing pretend. I felt this way especially when deciding what class could possibly fill those last three hours. In my mind, at one point, I promise you I thought something along the lines of, "It doesn't matter, anyway!", as I think I have been tricking myself into thinking that this is all just a dream, or another one of me and Bethie's silly make-pretend episodes from way back when.



I promise you this - No matter how much I want for myself to accept this reality, it will not be real to me until I step onto the campus August 19th with boxed possessions in hand. And I pray to God that I will cling to Him with all my strength when this day comes.

Goodnight.

By the way, I've decided to make a new theme, to correspond with this new phase of my life, or at least to signify change. I'm thinking that it will play off of "avoiding awkward", making it rather "pursuing _____" or "approaching ______" or something. I don't know...all I know is that I'm not going to make it "embracing awkward", as some would like! :P

Ideas?

About 4 hours ago I had the strangest impulse to clean my room. I pretty much never have that impulse, so I've learned to just act on it when it comes. So, by the grace of God, my room is getting under control! Actually, it's not even just about cleaning right now, it's about throwing away a lot of pointless things, organizing papers and journals and books, etc., and just letting go in general. This is healthy for me, and something that I do about once a year (not often enough). I forget how freeing it is to just get rid of things. Of course, I'm still a certified pack-rat and am saving a bunch of things that normal people would not, but I'm getting better! :) I'm going to hopefully start scrap-booking soon and transfer a lot of those things onto paper. I'm excited!

Also - some of you would be proud of me; I actually listened to a recorded sermon! One by Mark Driscoll (MD!) was posted on the Thinklings via YouTube from the Desiring God Conference in 2008, and I just kind of started listening to it while I cleaned my room. It was very, very good - I encourage anyone who has the time to listen to it!

Today was a lot of fun (as was last night!); we had a pretty productive camp band practice, went to Chipotle, and then swam at KT's house! I tried my best to just enjoy being with them and not stress about camp or focus on how quickly this will all end. I know I've said this a thousand times (and a thousand more I shall), but, Lord, help me...

A quick list before I go off...I'm going to see Taylor at Chick-fil-A before she embarks on her crazy-long Nevada vacation, and then spending the night at Amanda's house. Of course, tomorrow there is VBS and camp band practice. Fun!

Things I've Been Enjoying About Summer
1. Beach Volleyball
2. Sun sun sun!
3. Birthday

Things I've Realized I Really Enjoy Talking/Debating About
1. Dating/Courting
2. Marriage
3. Modesty

Recent Purchases I'm Happy About
1. Necessary athletic apparel from Academy
2. Sandra McCracken's Live Lights and Wires Album
3. Other people's dinners

A Few Random, Silly Songs I've Enjoyed Lately :)
1. I Will Always Love You by Dolly Parton...classic!
2. Single Ladies by Beyonce. 'Nuff said.
3. That's All by Genesis. Sarah Madden has me hooked on PC...

Listening to...
1. Jenny & Tyler
2. Jon Foreman
3. Derek Webb (I don't really branch out often, do I? :)


Okay, that's enough for now. Later!

Rock of Ages

Rock of Ages, when the day seems long
From this labor and this heartache I have come
The skies will wear out, but You remain the same
Rock of Ages, I praise Your name.

Rock of Ages, You have brought me near
You have poured out Your life-blood, Your love, Your tears
To make this stone heart come alive again
Rock of Ages, forgive my sin

Rock of Ages, Rock of Ages
Bind your children til' your kingdom comes
Rock of Ages, Your will be done

Rock of Ages, when in want or rest
My desperate need for such a Savior I confess
Pull these idols out from my heart embrace
Rock of Ages, I need Your grace

Rock of Ages, broken, scorned for me
Who am I that You would die to make me free?
To give me glory, You took the death and pain
Rock of Ages, my offering

Rock of Ages, "It is done," You cried
The curtain's torn and I see justice satisfied
Now write your mercy here on my heart and hands
Rock of Ages, in faith I stand

Rock of Ages, my great hope secure
Your promise holds just like an anchor to my soul
Bind your children with cords of love and grace
Rock of Ages, we give You praise.

The last Sunday will be spent at Kids Camp.



What in the world is wrong with me? Tonight, I feel the full weight of this terrible burden. I am trapped in a decaying human body, in a world where things fade. It burdens me right now to live within Time. Memories alone will never be enough. I look around me in my room, and all I see are things. Papers, journals, books, silly objects collecting dust that haven't left their place since 8th grade. I almost want to just throw it all away. I feel as if all I can do is just mope about it, about things coming to an end. I can't look ahead with anticipation or excitement, only dread and this ominous feeling that things will never be as good as how they "used to be". It's not like I particularly like being this sentimental or clutching to the past. Lately, it's almost as if I'm unable to enjoy what I experience any more because I know that it will end at some point. A few minutes ago, I was actually thinking of the concept of getting married with fear, dread, and something besides utter excitement and longing (which never happens) because I realized that I would have to, one day, say goodbye to that as well.

I know that "The best is yet to come", and that my real life (whatever that even means) is "about to begin". But right now I can't help but feel like everything good in my life is ending. Lord, help me.

So, yesterday was such a great day! (It was my 18th birthday, in case any of you didn't pick up that from the past 2 months of notifications and such:) I'm very thankful for everything, and for the precious time I got to spend with my family.

This isn't going to be a long post, but I will say that for some reason I was sad for a little increment of time yesterday. I can't exactly put my finger on why, but I guess it's just the whole growing-up thing. I know it sounds really cheesy and cliche, but time really does go by fast. I remember whenever I felt like 18 was SO far away - me and Bethie used to play "house", and I would pretend that I was 18, thinking that I would never be that old. But here I am!

I know that I'm being insanely sentimental, but you know me :).

Only five more Sundays playing with the band, and possibly playing with any worship band for a long time.

I'm debating whether or not I should have a birthday party. It kind of depends whether or not I want to tolerate people making fun at how long my birthday celebrations last :P. But I think that I will :), if not only because it's my 18th, and basically the last chance until 21 (though I guess for me my 21st will be like any other - I will have no desire to participate in my newly bestowed privileges), and then basically until the decade markers when it's okay to make a big deal out of your birthday. Not that that's going to stop me, but it's a good excuse for now ;).

Summer is wonderful. But I must say that this week is going to be one of the busiest so far. VBS is always so fun, but slightly exhausting. It'll be good, though!

Okay, signing off for now...

"Then I heard what seemed to  be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

'Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
   the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult
   and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has
      come,
   and his bride has made herself ready;
it was granted to her to clothe herself
   with fine linen, bright and pure' -

for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
      And the angel said to me, 'Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.' And he said to me, 'These are the true words of God.' Then I fell down at his feet to worship him, but he said to me, 'You must not do that! I am a fellow servant with you and your brothers who hold to the testimony of Jesus. Worship God.' For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy."

Revelation 19:6-10

As Jeremy Wilson said about three weeks ago in 249, if I may quote him, "We get to wear white on our wedding day because Christ is not ashamed of us!"

May I deeply long for this day abundantly more than I ever long for my marriage I hope to have one day on earth...

I have the best big brother in the world - Andrew got me a guitar for my birthday present! Like a week ago, Andrew said, "This year I'm actually getting you something". I assumed it was going to be like a book or a cd or something. But a GUITAR! So tight :):)

It's a Jasmine (which is by Takemine). So, of course, her name is Jasmine. Perfect. Reminds me of Aladdin. And don't worry, I'm not going to become a "guitar girl" now and pretend like I know everything (or even really anything) about guitars. I just wanted one for college, because it will be pretty hard not having a keyboard/piano to play whenever I want :(. In any case, I know how to play guitar, and I would even dare to say that I'm some-what comfortable playing one, but now I can start to actually really know what I'm doing and maybe get better. I'm excited!! And I was just talking about this with Andrew yesterday, too, haha. I was like, "I really want a guitar for my dorm room next year..." :) Love ya, bro!


In other news...my birthday is on Saturday! :)

Right now I'm sitting in my bed, thankful for a laptop as I try to fight through some uncomfortable pain. Not sharp pain, just really uncomfortable pain in the lower abdomen and leg area. It's the kind that comes in waves. Between that and being just plain tired (see last post), I'm not sure what to do with myself, because I don't think that I'd be able to sleep right now, but all I want to do is just lay down! So I figured I'd get some obligatory post topics out of the way so I can stop being pestered for being "the worst blog moderator in the world" (thank you, Andrew Roberts) : ).

A while back I posted these 7 things I've learned, oh-so-sincerely promising to expand. To refresh you, they were these:

1. Starve the flesh, feed the spirit
2. Be intentional about my relationships
3. "Repent of judging by a law that even I can't keep" (Derek Webb)
4. Love others more than I want them to like me
5. Memorize scripture
6. Rid myself of vanities in disguise
7. Don't trust in man or value human opinion more than I place my identity and importance in Christ

So, let me expand.

---

1. I've been meaning to post on this one for quite some time. Basically, this prayer for myself has stemmed from the realization that I am not immune to the effects of things I allow myself to take in through the senses, no matter how much my "good little Christian self" would like to think I am. Things I watch, read, listen to, surround myself with, and spend my time on really do affect me. It took some waking up and growing up this year to realize that. It seems like a pretty elementary concept, but for someone who has grown up all her life doing "good things" and going to church events and gotten pretty good at "living like a Christian" (whatever that even means these days) no matter what my heart is like, it's hard to swallow. It's painful. Bottom line, a few months ago, for what seemed like the first time, I felt broken. Not just human, or that I needed the redeeming love of Jesus Christ, as I still firmly believe I did back in 1997; I felt truly, deeply, and painfully broken. Because no matter how good or holy I arranged my life to look on the outside, on the inside, for a lot of my Christian life so far I realized that I didn't really treasure Him, and I constantly fed my flesh without even realizing it. In any case, since then I've been praying, begging, trying, and of course failing, to starve my flesh and feed the Spirit. It's not about rules; I have finally learned somewhat to ask myself why I'm watching whatever I'm watching or reading whatever I'm reading, or doing whatever I'm doing - is it to feed the flesh, or the Spirit? This realization has completely altered some areas of my life, while of course there are a lot of areas I still need to work on.

With this new sense of brokenness also came a new sense of guilt, something that I've never really dealt with before. While conviction is of the Holy Spirit, I know that guilt is not. It's a trap, and a lie that at times I am fed, that Christ raised from the dead isn't enough to save my sinful soul. Praise the Lord for His mercy and grace, and unconditional love. He died for me while I was still a sinner, while I still hated Him and spat on His face. Oh man, I could post a thousand posts on this one. But I digress.

2. This one addresses the "Question" post I posted about a month ago (you can read it here). Thanks to wise family, friends, and leaders who gave their opinions and pointed me to Scripture, I think I've come to a peace (ish?) on this one, though of course I know I'll never have it perfectly, or even mostly right. In any case, I was kind of reminded in that time to look at people as Jesus sees people. Bottom line, Jesus didn't see "sinners" (well, he did - but you know what I mean); He saw people in need of His love. Towards the end of this year my eyes were really opened to this, and it really changed the way that I saw people! I started to like going to school and started talking to more people and respecting more people while also gaining respect of more people, and I think I was more open to let God use me through this. Not that God can't use me whenever He wants, but He really showed me towards the end of the year what He's done in people's lives around me through me, while at the same time working in ME through others! I think that I missed the point back at that post. It's not about making a list and keeping track of how many "lost people" I talk to/hang out with and how many Christians I talk to/hang out with, and making sure that they are of equal number or whatever - it's about simply loving people as Jesus has loved me, whoever God puts in my path. This year I was blessed with some really solid Christian friends in my PALs class, who I was able to pray with and laugh with and just fellowship with. I treasured that time with them so deeply, and thank the Lord so much for putting them in my path! They taught me so much and showed me more how to love people. But I also ended up sitting at lunch with an atheist (or agnostic, or nihilist, or whatever) and being around several others often in some of my classes who were the same way; of course, the first ended up hating me, while others I felt in the end really respected me. In any case, no matter who God puts in my life, I need to be intentional about my relationships; use every opportunity I am with them to show them Christ's love and speak Truth. It's probably wise to control the setting (i.e. calling up a friend and going to get dinner), in regards to the "how do I hang out with lost people" question. Bottom line...Love God, Love People. So simple, but so difficult sometimes!

3. I have found myself more and more this year comparing myself to other people, whether postivitely or negatively. Comparing is EVIL, and something that gets me in traps over and over again, whether as a girl (comparing hair, height, teeth, eyes, body type, etc. with other girls) or as a Christian (well, more just about what I or others "do" or "do not do" as Christians). I find myself more often having to repent for judging by a Law (that even I can't keep) that has been fulfilled through Jesus Christ's death and resurrection. I forget that Mercy triumphs over judgment (James 2:1-13), and that, again, Christ died for me while I was still a sinner, not because of works done by me in righteousness, but by the washing of regneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:8 and Titus 3:5). We're all just people in need of Jesus' love.

4. This one stems from the people-pleaser in me. I have to constantly check my motives whenever I do things for other people or write them notes or say nice things or whatever; am I serving them out of love, or just because I want them to like me? This one is self-explanatory so I'll leave it at that.

5. I forgot how important memorizing Scripture was until I actually started doing it (thanks James R. for encouraging this habit!). It's something that all Christians need to practice regularly; we must abide in Christ, in His Word, that we might not sin against Him. I've realized more and more the importance of studying the Word and seeking to know it and memorize it and think about it. Psalm 119...whew! Love it : )

6. There are many corners of my heart filthy with vanity. I've never considered myself a "vain" person, but I've noticed lately many "vanities in disguise". Of course, as we all know, not just simply accepting a commplement is one of the most common of these. But it's also little things, like how messy my room is, cluttered with things I hold on to that don't matter and won't last. Self-consciousness, self-deprecation, self self self self. Excuse me while I go read Ecclesiastes for further conviction on this matter ; )

7. Of course, this is something I always struggle with. I care so much about what people think sometimes, and that combined with my lovely Worry I coddle I show that I simply don't trust the promises He laid out for me in His Word as truth. When will I learn?

---

Okay, I'm pooped. In case you just skipped to the end of this post (I wouldn't blame you), I'll sum it up: I'm imperfect, I've learned a lot this year, God has blessed me, I am tired and in pain right now.

Au revior, for now.

While this was probably not my wisest decision, I couldn't help it. At about 11:30 I was about to go to sleep, when I decided that I would check out the first few pages of this book Marie let me borrow called Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. Of course, a few pages turned into a few chapters, which eventually turned into all 500 pages. And here I am at 6 in the morning.

Oops, but SO WORTH IT!!!!!!

That is hands down the best book about love that I have ever read. It's based off of the book of Hosea, and is definitely the book (besides the Bible of course) that has most made me thankful for the Lord's love and has helped me see it more clearly thus far. WOW. I can't even describe how wonderful it was. I was completely lost in it, immersed in the characters and caught up in the story. Ahh!!!!

So, I have only two more things to say...

1) If you haven't read it yet, go buy it right now (I'm trying to decide if boys would like it...I think that boys would, but they probably wouldn't get as emotionally involved and attached to this book as girls would)

2) I am going to get a few hours of sleep. I'm not tired right now, but I can already tell that I'm going to hate myself later today. Oh well. So worth it :)

I got my Birkenstocks in the mail today (they aren't the original style - they are more feminine, and very cute and sandal-y!), and they are wonderful! However, they are just a touch too big. I ordered a 39, and I'm sending them back for a 38.

Usually I don't bother with this stuff, but I paid a lot for these shoes. So I'm okay with it.

1. Confession: iPhones/iTouches creep me out. Not the design or anything, just the fact that anyone can have that much knowledge accessible to them at all times.

2. Yesterday I made some pretty poor dietary choices - I didn't eat breakfast, had Taco Bell for lunch, Jack in the Box for dinner (2 deep-fried tacos and an Oreo Cookie Milkshake), and about a thousand Gummi Bears that my stomach is cursing even now. Today I've been paying for it - anything I've tried to eat has just made me feel even more acid-y and nauseous. I'm thinking this week I'm going to start better habits, if only for my own health. How I'll do this, I don't know. Eating healthy is not something I am well-acquainted to : ) And apparently a lot of things that seem healthy (like tomatoes?!?! My fave!) aren't as healthy for people as we'd like to think. I'll keep you updated!

3. Church today was really really good! 

4. My birthday is on Saturday : ) I don't know what I'm going to do for it yet, though, which is odd. I hope it's a good one...

5. Summer is a lot more busy than I remember it to be.

6. I really hope I can try harder to be intentional this summer about relationships I've made this year outside of church.

7. Thanks to everyone who commented two posts ago - I'll post my formulated thoughts soon (I know you're thinking, "yeah, right". But we'll see :)

"I've trusted in what I thought would lead me right,
Discovered I was good at believing lies.
I end up exchanging life for that which disappoints,
And I can't seem to shake this tendency;
Oh, will you please,

Do not follow your heart,
If it means you're gonna settle
  When you know there's something better now
You'll be falling apart, don't you keep holding the lesser
  When you know it's gonna let you down
You are leaving your mark,
  What you want them to remember
  When you're gone and can't pretend anymore,
What you've loved and you've lived for."

"Do Not Follow Your Heart" by Jenny & Tyler

I have a few questions. Anyone can feel free to answer however they want. And I could spend a bunch of time placing disclaimers on this post, but I won't (or at least I'll try my best not to! :)

I've decided this summer to read simultaneously both from Daniel to Malachi and through the Gospels (in the order of Mark, John, Luke, then Matthew), starting today. Who knows if I'll actually be able to get through it all if I do a chapter from each segment a day - I haven't done the math yet, haha. In any case, all this is to say that I read Mark 1 today, and read a few things I don't think I've caught before. I could be over thinking all of this, or the answers could be extremely obvious. Either way, I have two humble questions :)

1) In Mark 1:4, it says that John the Baptist was "baptizing in the wilderness and proclaiming a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins". I don't know exactly how to word my question, besides simply asking how this is possible (the forgiving of sins part). What exactly did baptism mean back then before Jesus died on the cross? Was it simply symbolism, and something they had to do frequently, or was it kind of equivalent to sacrificing animals? Would God look upon someone being baptized and forgive them completely? I guess what I'm trying to figure out basically is what baptism meant prior to Jesus paying the price for our sins.

2) In Mark 1:14-15, it says that Jesus began His ministry, "proclaiming the gospel of God, and saying, 'The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe in the gospel'". Understanding that the word "gospel" simply means "good news", what does this word mean in this context? As is taught now, the gospel is the message of God being perfect, humans falling short of God's standards, Jesus dying on the cross to pay the price, and defeating death through the Resurrection (to put it simply). If the two last parts of that hadn't even happened yet, that couldn't have been what Jesus was saying, right? So my question (along similar lines of the last one) is simply asking what Jesus was proclaiming here; what was the "gospel of God" pre-crucifixion? What did "believe in the gospel" mean to people who were listening to him? Did they know what he was talking about?

Thanks for any input!

Okay, so I have a confession to make.

Like I've said, though I consider myself to be a pretty emotional human being, I don't usually cry in front of people, and my crying patterns are pretty unpredictable. For example, when it comes to movies, I cried in Brother Bear and Mulan II, but not in the Lord of the Rings Trilogy or the Passion of the Christ. With outside elements, it's always hard to predict whether or not something will make me cry (interpersonal situations are a different story, of course). I'm not a community crier (someone who cries automatically when other people around them are crying), and I rarely cry out of just pure joy or when witnessing something beautiful. All of this is to say that certain emotions I feel do not flip on the crying switch, but rather flip it off.

The confession comes with this; Anything having to do with old people (and most specifically, old married couples) makes me cry. Automatically. It's a DD (done deal). When I look at pictures of older people, look at old scrapbooks, etc., I can't take it. I post about this now because I just saw the new Pixar movie "Up" with my dad (and I recommend it to EVERYONE. On the Pixar scale of awesomeness, it's just below The Incredibles and just above, or maybe equal to, Wall-e). Someone had told me about that movie a week ago, and said that I would definitely start crying within the first 15 minutes. Of course I was like, no way!, because it takes a certain element for me to cry in movies. With that said, within the first five minutes, I was bawling. Like, the making-really-embarrassing-noises-and-causing-people-in-the-theater-to-laugh kind of bawling. It was pathetic! I don't want to ruin the movie of course, but saying that the crying started automatically whenever I saw old people won't ruin it. And so, of course, once I started it was really hard to stop, and I basically cried throughout the entire movie. The only other movie I've cried more in was Simon Birch (please spare yourself and do NOT see that movie, unless you have no soul) - and I should mention that my family left me at home by myself to watch it, and for the entire duration of the movie I was crumbled on the floor crying my eyes out -, or maybe I Am Sam (very very sad movie, but great soundtrack). And of course I cried for 10 minutes after Up as I reflected on it.

It's very pathetic, I will admit. So as I was driving home, I began to think about why this is true for me. What is it about that kind of thing that makes me lose it? Is it the beautiful true love old married couples portray, as they are a testimony to years and years of faithfulness? Or is it just another reminder of death (not to be insensitive)?

In any case, I think that I can guess what causes all of this, because it's not only with this stuff, but also with endings in general. The last few days I've really come to realize that! Endings are really hard for me to grasp, and it's always hard to let go and move on for me, as everyone I'm sure is aware - especially my family, who has the unfortunate distinction of being the only ones who are able to on a daily basis witness the not-always-pretty result of years of someone not being able to let go of things (that is, they see my room).

Once again, I must remind myself -

"Better is the end of a thing than its beginning ..."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

Goodnight.

So, it's been QUITE the couple of days!

Graduated yesterday, and had some very valuable, precious time with my family and some extended family (the Bains, Grandma and Grandpa, Johnny and Sheila, and of course Mama and Papa!) afterward. To describe it accurately, I will say these few things: El Gallo food, dancing to HSM3 music (I even waltzed with Blake!) with my cousins and Aunt Kim and daddy, played two songs with Andrew (well, he played the guitar and sang with me) - Grace Upon Grace and Faith My Eyes, lots of kind and wise words from family members, a little emotion :), and, of course, we watched High School Musical 3 (my Grandma for the first time! She thought it was cute, haha). It seemed appropriate :).

Today (and when I say "today", I mean June 7th) was pretty amazing. Had my big Senior Recital - FINALLY OVER!!!!! What a great feeling. And I didn't realize how tired I was from all the stuff until I took, like, a 5 hour nap this afternoon. Of course, I don't know what time I'll be getting to sleep tonight - I'm not tired anymore! Haha. But the recital went really well - thanks to those who came (and those who wished they could have come but weren't able to :)! It meant so much. Walking in and seeing all the smiling faces completely took away ALL my nerves - not even kidding! And for me that is a big deal. Thank the LORD, because usually my body responds pretty intensely physically to my nervousness, but this time my heart wasn't even pounding. My leg was shaking a little, but it was okay. I could also tell that my fingers were a little nervous because they were kind of reluctant in the first song. But it ended well, and I felt confident. I think that I just wanted to get it over with - I remember walking up to the piano and just thinking, "alright, Molly, let's give 'em a show!", and I think I did :). I had so much fun; it was just the perfect experience. The cake and company was all awesome. I even nailed the abrupt and stressful endings to the Albeniz and Maple Leaf Rag! I think that was the best I've ever played MLR, too. I was pretty proud. And Taylor did very good as well :). She's so talented! It was funny though because on that song my page-turner turned the page too early on the first page turn; I don't think many noticed. I just stopped playing for a few measures and picked up at the beginning of the next page. It was all gravy! And I really enjoyed playing In Christ Alone; usually that one is stressful for me because I have to think about it a lot (it was actually the last one that I had completely memorized - I got it all down just a couple weeks ago!) and there's a lot of opportunity for sloppiness and note erros, but I think it turned out great. Now, if I could only get these songs out of my HEAD...gahhh!

I will reflect on the year soon in a post. Part of me wants to wait a while to talk about the year and just enjoy the summer right now, because I've had enough "reflection" this weekend, haha. I just have so much that I want to say! This year has been above and beyond AMAZING. Nothing short of life-changing, challenging, inspiring, heart-breaking, and exciting. But I'll stop myself before I get cheesy (though I suppose that for me that ship has sailed :P).

Lately, I've Been...

Listening to: Jenny & Tyler's "This Isn't a Dream" (I highly recommend that CD!), Jon Foreman's "Fall" and "Winter" EPs, and the song "The Danse" by Caedmon's Call
Looking forward to: An amazing summer ahead, and actually having time to do things now that the recital is over! And, of course, Beach Volleyball...  can I get an AMEN? : )
Thankful for: Warm Weather, Family, the gift of Music, Forgiveness
Trying not to think about: College next year, getting married (it's a disease!)
Eating: Leftover El Gallo, cakes at various celebratory events, Taco Bell, and M&M Sonic Blasts with my Sonic gift card
Thinking about: Whether or not I should buy a nice camera with some money I've earned/received...it's been a dream of mine for quite some time, and it's actually possible now. I don't know why I'm reluctant about it, but for some reason I feel kind of guiltly, or selfish for wanting to buy one...that probably sounds silly, but whatevs. I'll figure something out and let the blogosphere know what my decision is :)


OH, and I don't know how to put this in list form, but I found out my room assignment for next year! I just looked on MyCampus looking for ANY information, because everyone but me at UMHB already knows where they are staying and who their roommate is and everything! In any case, here it is:

Room Assignment	Main Campus-Burt Hall-317
Room Type Roommate	Double Room with private bath Jamie Dee Lorenz

Tight! Burt is the one Jeremy thought I should get. Their rooms are pretty nice. And thank the Lord for rooms with private bath at UMHB! I friend requested Jamie, of course. I'll be praying this summer for her, and that we will get along and coexist peacefully next year. We could maybe even be really good friends...that would be nice!

Alright, I'm going to attempt to go to bed now. Later!

For some reason I've been thinking about this one song by Jon Foreman lately, called "Equally Skilled", which is basically Micah 7, and wanted to post both parts of the actual passage and the song. So enjoy.

¹Woe is me! For I have become
    as when the summer fruit has been gathered,
   as when the grapes have been gleaned:
there is no cluster to eat,
   no first-ripe fig that my soul desires.
² The godly has perished from the earth,
   and there is no one upright among mankind;
 they all lie in wait for blood,
   and each hunts the other with a net.
³Their hands are on what is evil, to do it well;
    the prince and the judge ask for a bribe,
and the great man utters the evil desire of his soul;
   thus they weave it together.

 ⁸ Rejoice not over me, O my enemy;
    when I fall, I shall rise;
 when I sit in darkness,
   the LORD will be a light to me.
⁹ I will bear the indignation of the LORD
   because I have sinned against him,
until he pleads my cause
   and executes judgment for me.
 He will bring me out to the light;
   I shall look upon his vindication.

 ¹⁸ Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity
   and passing over transgression
    for the remnant of his inheritance?
He does not retain his anger forever,
   because he delights in steadfast love.
¹⁹He will again have compassion on us;
    he will tread our iniquities underfoot.
You will cast all our sins
   into the depths of the sea.
²⁰ You will show faithfulness to Jacob
   and steadfast love to Abraham,
 as you have sworn to our fathers
   from the days of old.

"How miserable I am, I feel like a fruit-picker who arrived here after the harvest.
There's nothing here at all, there's nothing at all here that could placate my hunger.
The godly people are all gone, there's not one honest soul left alive
Here on the planet; We're all murderers and thieves,
Setting traps here for even our brothers.

And both of our hands are Equally skilled,
At doing evil, equally skilled,
At bribing the judges, equally skilled,
At perverting justice, Both of our hands.

No, don't gloat over me!
For though I fall, though I fall, I will rise again!
Though I sit here in darkness, the Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light; I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs I've done against Him,
After that, He'll take my case, bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered.

And both of His hands are Equally skilled,
At ruining evil, Equally skilled;
At judging the judges, Equally skilled
Administering justice, Both of His hands
Both of His hands, are equally skilled
At showing me mercy, Equally skilled
At loving the loveless, Equally skilled
Administering justice, Both of His hands,
Both of His hands."

Thank the Lord.

I'm a high school graduate! :) Thanks to all my family, friends, and everyone in between who have supported me in this time, through your presence, gifts, love, financial support, etc. It means the world!

As a final reminder, the BIG DAY (you know, besides Graduation Day...:) is tomorrow! My big Senior Recital in W100, at 2:00. Anyone who has time to come and watch me (it will only be like 45 minutes or so, total) will be met by an infinite amount of gratitude on my part! There will be an intermission, and cake. I think (and hope, and pray...) that it will go well. I'll be nervous, no doubt. But I think that I'm ready. Eeek!

My heart is just so full right now...I love my family so much. Words can't even describe. Today has been perfect.

Anything I would say right now would make me burst into tears (the good kind - it's been an emotional night!), so I'll just leave you with this.

My dad, as tradition each year, wrote me my last birthday poem, this time given on graduation like he did with Andrew last year. He read it to me tonight.

Blah blah blah...I'll just leave you with the link.

So, I graduate tomorrow?

Molly's Graduation Poem