Okay, so I know that I've been posting a LOT lately, and I apologize if you just can't keep up ; )

But I totally forgot about this!

I had THE most weird dream that I've EVER had last night. Well, second to the monkey funeral one.

Basically, I dreamt that PALs were Losties. Except we were all underwater. I don't remember exactly how we got underwater, but we all plummeted underwater, and flashed into different periods of time. For example, I think that 3rd period (my period) went to the 70s...4th period went to more recent time...Chris Mills flashed to a whole nother time period by himself...and 6th period, I actually don't remember where they went. But what I remember most vividly about this dream is what Chris did whenever he was alone. He thought that he'd be productive and prepare a lot of food for the Losties who will catch up to his time at some point, so he went and killed a bunch of bears and such and hung them all up "to dry", I suppose, in a huge line in this elaborate laboratory. He was basically like a mad scientist or something. He was with all these computers, and in his spare time learned all about them and conducted all these experiments and such. The only thing that I really remember about what my period did while we were in our time period was hang out with fish. I mean, I remember seeing Juliet at some point...MAN, I'm so frustrated, because I remembered all of everything at some point! And it was really exciting too. I remember Jack and Kate...but mostly, right now I just remember fish.

But this is where it gets weird. I remember waking up and thinking about what I had just dreamed, then going to sleep again and dreaming that I was telling my dad about the dream. And I was recalling pretty much every detail about it, MUCH more than what I'm telling you now, which is why I know that there was a lot more to the dream and that I did remember it all at some point. I remember which time period each class period jumped to, and what each of them did whenever they were there and everything. I told the entire dream start to finish...in my DREAM! And then, I remember random things. Dad was starting a computer business in the middle of a neighborhood on a cul-de-sac street, and it was being built. It looked really cool, like black with yellow letters and such. But I was starting a business, too - a coffee shop, I do believe. And then I remember my dad recalling a time he was talking to Vanessa, one of the interns from last summer, and talking about me, that I wasn't in very good shape. So then I started to feel really self-conscious. And then mom gave me 20 dollars to go sunglasses shopping. And then I remember watching my mom play tennis....wow, it was all in all a weird dream, mostly because the last half of it seemed so real.


Speaking of LOST dreams, if I may quickly share one more quick dream - a few weeks ago I dreamt that me and some friends were in a forest, and that we came upon Jeremy Wilson's backyard from what in my dream was his house he had when he was younger (I've never seen it, but whatevs). Well, let me backtrack. We had just gone through a Lost-esque "flash", and were now wandering through the woods trying to find something. And so we went through a gate or something to Jeremy's backyard, and I just remember seeing this little boy, probably Blake's age, just standing there, staring at us. His mom came out and asked him who we were, and he just didn't say anything. So we split at that point. But the weird thing was that in my mind that's when I realized that we had flashed back in time because I knew that that was Jeremy Wilson for some reason. And then, we did more wandering, and more flashing happened. It must have happened three or four times; and we would always come back to the same spot in Jeremy's backyard, and he'd be standing in the same spot, but a different age each time. One time he was in college and was playing basketball with a friend. And then towards the end I swung on this huge vine above his backyard, but that part of it is irrelevant I suppose : ). In any case...WOAH!

So, side note, I went to Starbucks today to ask the guy at the counter if there is anything that they have that would help soothe my throat. And the guy said this certain kind of tea, and I was like, "Well, I don't really like tea" (duh!). But I got it, because he said that he doesn't like tea either, but he liked this kind. So I decided to give tea another chance.

So I got the tea (it was only $1.57, so I was feeling pretty good about it at this point), sat down to study for Economics, and waited while it cooled down. I felt a little queasy whenever I opened the lid and saw the tea bags still in there (I know, I know- you're thinking, what should you have expected? Well, when one drinks hot tea for pretty much the first time, one is typically going pretty surprised to see foreign objects in their drink. It's just a fact of life), and whenever I smelled it it kind of reminded me of the way organic bath salts and such smell. But I wasn't going to dismiss it right away (even though my nose always knows).

So, basically, I'll just cut to the end of this tragic story. I take the first sip - and, first of all, it burns my tongue it's so hot, even though it's been sitting there for like FIVE MINUTES, and I've been blowing on it constantly to get it to cool down; second of all, it has NO taste whatsoever, except for the smell. I mean, it tastes EXACTLY like it smells. It tastes like an aroma. How messed up is that?

So, I hear that honey helps. So I dump a package of honey it in, stir it in, ready to give this thing another go. I take another sip. This time, I almost gag. And I'm NOT even being dramatic. I mean, it feels good, and I want to like it, but it made me want to THROW UP! And right now, just thinking about it, with it's lack of flavor and gross dirty tea-bags and aroma-taste...just makes me want to gag myself.

I'm sorry, Tea. I gave you a try. I even went to Teavana that one time with Zach and Candace and tried a supposedly "flavorful" tea that was okay with first taste and had the slightest hint of flavor but had an awful after-taste (or after-non-taste?). I guess it's not really your fault. It wasn't your idea to stick leaves in hot water and taste you. You were minding your own business when all the sudden humans decided that it would be a good idea to drink grass-flavored water. Okay, I'm sorry. "Grass-flavored" is a little too harsh. But I'm not afraid of hurting your feelings. You taste like dirty water. No matter how much sugar I put it in you, you still taste disgusting. Iced tea, sweet tea, green tea, Passion Fruit Tea from Starbucks...I've given you many chances, but you are too bland for me. I need a drink that stands up for itself and isn't afraid to be bold. I need a drink with personality and flavor. What I'm really trying to say is that you need to be more like Apple Juice. I would say "it's not you, it's me"...but this time, it really is just you. Sorry, man.

Church was really good today! I was extremely encouraged and reminded of some basic things that I often forget.

" My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.

When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne."
-The Solid Rock

I've been thinking a lot lately about what really pleases God. My friend Trey wrote a really good post on what is, for all intensive purposes, his blog on Facebook about this that I'd like to share an excerpt from (if it's alright with you, Trey? haha. I'm assuming it is, because you posted it for Facebook friends to see):

"The greatest sin we can commit isn't breaking any of the Ten Commandments, but rebelling against God and refusing to find our satisfaction in Him. So if any law should take precedence in our minds, it is not the Ten Commandments, but rather the Shema, which Jesus Himself calls the greatest of all commandments: “Hear, O Israel, the LORD is our God, the LORD alone. Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” And that includes our time, and our words, and our thoughts, and our emotions, and our very lives. God is a jealous God, and He will not settle for less than our entire being. But He does not leave us dry: in return for our mortal lives He gives us His Life eternal, and He gives us Himself, manifested in Jesus’ death on the cross. And so as for me, I am 'Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much [of this Life] as I possibly can, with all power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea, violence, that I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of', so help me God."

As a (let's just face it) perfectionist, I often struggle with and worry about whether or not I'm doing the right things. If I do something that I feel is "right", I feel good about myself; if I do something I feel is "wrong", I feel guilty and worry about it. I simply make it about me, and forget that it's about Him and pleasing Him, not about satisfying some kind of selfish desire to "have all my bases covered", if you will, and be perceived as someone who has it all down. Because of this, so often I gauge my "spiritual security", so to speak, off of this idea, and forget that His grace is sufficient for me (cue J-Knapp: "When I'm down, I search every mistake I'm looking for / New regrets; sometimes I forget, I forget / That His grace is sufficient for me and it's deeper and wider than  I can conceive / His grace is sufficient for me"), and that it's not really about what I "do"; God isn't interested in sacrifices of rote and ritual (cue Jon Foreman: "Instead, let there be a flood of justice / An endless procession of righteous living, living / Instead, let there be a flood of justice / I hate all your show"). He wants me to simply seek to glorify Him and please Him, in whatever I do.

BIN at FNL (Band Iceskating Night at Friday Night Live) was a total success!!! We went to James' house first, and he grilled us some burgers! They were good. And so we just chilled there, and then we all went to the Iceskaing Rink (minus James because he had to stay home and watch Hazel). In any case, it was so fun, and everyone enjoyed it! Man, I'm a great party planner - What are they going to do without me next year? ;)

As for today, plans are changing. Yesterday I kind of came down with a fever of sorts, and my ears and throat ache. So, basically, it's kind of hard for me to move, and so I'm not going to the community service thing anymore. Which kind of stinks because I really need the hours. But I just need to rest. My body is trying to tell me something. Then, hopefully it will still work out that me and Taylor will get to practice at my house for Tuesday night, and then Lauren Rice needs help with something she's doing for a friend involving the piano, and wants me to also play piano for her on Tuesday night. And I was planning on going to the CC Glow in the Dark dance...we'll see how I feel tonight.

God is good, all the time....

So, it's Friday! Wooohoo!

Yesterday I got to spend 3 hours with Kate Weise! It was beautiful. I loooove that girl.

And today and tomorrow are going to be busy. Today, I have school, Work from 2-6, then BIN (Band Iceskating Night)!! We're meeting at James' house for burgers and stuff, and then going to the Iceskating rink at 8:00. I'm SO stoked! Tomorrow I have this event somewhere; it's for Community Service hours, with PALs. In any case, it's from like 9-12, and then me and Taylor are going to hash out what we are going to perform for Outback Night on Tuesday! Anyone who wants to come, let me know. It's going be tight. 12$ for a full, yummy Outback meal in the Cy-Fair Cafeteria, with entertainment. It's for PALs. And it's fun! Anyways, then Saturday night I'm going to the Glow-in-the-dark Cy Creek casual dance with Zach and Erin!! I'm so excited. It's going to be awesome!

So, right now I'm just kind of sitting here waiting for it to be time to get ready and go to school, bracing myself for these busy next few days. Just think - it's about to be April. How weird is that?

Oh, and update, I ended up working like four hours on my Till We Have Faces paper on Monday, and finishing it! Woohooo. Thank you Andrew for the help. Now all I have left to do is a little polishing, and then I can turn it in for real on Monday. And then I'm DONE with English, basically! Sweet.

Alright, have good weekends, everyone!


P.s. LOST?!?!?!?!!!!!!?! I'm just saying. I screamed at the end of it.

This morning I wandered over to the wonderful James and Emily Roberts' blog, and read Emily's post about Modesty, which is honestly something that I don't think about a lot - not to say that I'm not modest; what I mean is that it's not a conscious effort I have to make every day, because I naturally gravitate towards modest dress. Basically, it's never been that much of a struggle for me. In any case, it's good to be reminded every once in a while of why it's important to be modest, and to be reinforced in my decision, realizing that even the way I dress can glorify God.

In any case, I went to this link Emily posted (The Modesty Survey - sounds kind of cheesy, but it's really good. I recommend girls to read this), and I read all of the little sub-categories and such of the survey. It was really interesting, and honestly, surprising in some ways. Basically the concept is that guys responding to certain aspects of girls dress that causes them to "stumble" or whatev. I mean, most of it, I was like, uh, DUH. But some of it was rather surprising! There were quite a few specific topics that I would not have guessed would be big problems. I guess it's easy for girls to forget that even the littlest things can be damaging. Then again, there are also girls who consciously try to get guys to notice their bodies, but whatever. In any case, for me, it's always been one of those really uncomfortable subjects. Like, whenever a guy speaker at a camp or something goes into why girls should dress modestly, like when they do the whole, "You know, guys think a lot differently than girls..." thing, I always feel really awkward. I mean, it's obviously just a fact of life that girls should be aware of, but it's never been a pleasant thought - you know, the "statistics" they like to throw at us girls to scare us; for me, it's an "uncomfortable truth" that I'm aware of but don't like to dwell on. I usually just give guys around me at church and such the benefit of a doubt, but I suppose it's a bigger battle to fight than I think it is. From what I read it seems like it's more of an everyday, every second conscious effort kind of thing. Kind of scary, and something of course I can't relate to, but good to know, and something that girls shouldn't shy away from recognizing. 

Needless to say, I'd rather not get in a huge discussion in the commentary about male struggles concerning this topic. Hahaa. I more just posted this for girls to read. Guys (er, the one or two of you who are male and actually read my blog), you can read the link too, it's really interesting - but you should probably already know this stuff.

Oh, funny aside, one of the questions was whether or not girls wearing heels causes guys to stumble, and one of the guys said this, and it really made me laugh: "No, but I'm pretty sure it causes girls to stumble. I have no idea how they walk in those things." Hahaa : )

A new Shane and Shane song, take one, called "Everything is Different". I really like it - it's worth the listen, keeping in mind that it's a recording from a video camera and they don't fully have it down yet : )



In other news...everything is pretty good right now!

Well, yesterday was good. Today was rather discouraging : (. Not for a specific reason; I guess just as a result of observing people at my school. We all just need Jesus.


I'm really super excited about the rest of this week, though! Thursday I get to see Kate Weise then go to band practice and Friday is BIN (Band Ice-skating Night; I didn't even have make up the acronym on that one! I'm so proud)!


Other than that, I'm convinced that they slowed down the clocks by a factor of, approximately, .44789. In all seriousness, school is going by SO slow. And the more I go, the less we do. And the less we do, the more tired I get of it. And the more tired I get of it, the slower time goes. And the slower time goes, well...the closer I am to burrowing a pen into my face.
:)

Okay, so, I apparently forgot how to write. This research paper thing is not floating my boat. I feel like I'm staring at a blank white wall trying to imagine colors and words on it. That doesn't make much sense, but it pretty much describes how this paper is going, to give you an idea.

And, as if my writer's block isn't enough, as of now I don't have a tangible copy of Till We Have Faces (the book I'm writing on) because it is temporarily misplaced (not entirely my fault, by the way). Perf.

Spring Break is over. This whole High School thing...not digging it. I'm ready for Summer.

I had a dream last night that the Jonas Brothers came to play for our English class in the auditorium. They just showed up, because Lauren had a connection with them apparently in the dream, haha. But it was really weird because I was so excited, and had my camera (of course!) and got like, REALLY close to the stage and tried taking discreetly pictures of them without seeming stalkerish. But the problem was that my pictures kept getting deleted. I mean, I must have taken like a hundred pictures, but I would go to look at them and they wouldn't be there! I was SO upset. AND, after they played, I went up to Nick and asked him if he would take a picture with me, but he said no : (. So I guess this dream was kind of depressing, hahaa. But oh well. I'm too good for him anyway! : P

I'm about to try (to start) to finish the rough draft of my research paper. I'm really nervous about it. But I'm very lucky to have my dad and my brother : ). It's just difficult because I don't really know how to go about writing it - there's just so much to talk about! But I'll hopefully get into the flow whenever I start it. Wish me luck!

Oh, and I got to eat lunch with Amanda today! It was awesome : ) We talked for almost 2 hours. I miss her lots! AND I get to see Kate Weise on Thursday! : ) It's going to be a good week.

The camping trip. Was. Amazing.

I'll post on that more later...

Right now, I just wanted to post on a particular part of the camping trip, possibly my favorite part - the hour-long horse ride all through the woods. It was just so beautiful. Even forgetting the fact that I was on a horse (named Patches, by the way), it was an amazing hour for me; a quiet hour accompanied faintly by birds, painted with the beautiful sunlight through the trees. It was all so perfect; I felt like I was in an imaginary setting out of a Tolkien book. Of course, I probably just romanticized it in my head, but the point was that it was so peaceful. As a fast-paced, mostly impatient person whose thoughts are often shaken with worry, I am easily captivated by nature; for me, it's God's peace on display.

And peace is really something that I need. The rest of this post bears much resemblance to the post mentioned below, from the summer. It's that same struggle for the right balance.

"I don't want to get so caught up in details that I miss the big picture. But I just want to get it right. There's so many things to think about, so many things to improve. With every freak out I feel less and less qualified. In His power..."
(July 2008)

Lately I've been wrestling with what to do. I mean, sometimes I wonder if I'm doing ANYTHING right. It crosses my mind often that I could be doing everything wrong; that my motives are selfish, my pursuits are worldly, my attempts at daily worship reek of flesh. Oh, Lord, is there anything that I ever offer that pleases You at all? I'm afraid, for my mind keeps thinking about those who Jesus says will approach Him in heaven, saying "Lord, Lord" ... to whom Jesus' only reply will be, "I never knew you". Is this a good fear to feel? How do I prevent being the one Jesus describes in that passage? Is there some kind of confirmation I should be looking for somewhere? If I cry out to God, should I not be getting a response? If I ask Him what to do, should He not show me?

But then I remember.

The Truth weighs down on me. Undeniable - The heights of His holiness; the depths of my depravity. But, Hallelujah! Christ has risen from the dead! "Oh we shall overcome, the Father gave the Son / to break the curse we are under / Oh the pain that no man can escape / Oh the sting of death, the empty grave" (Sandra McCracken, "Tie That Binds")

This is what I've escaped through the fulfillment of the law brought by Jesus' blood. This is the Truth; Jesus Christ raised from the dead is enough to save my sinful soul. "No guilt in life / No fear in death / This is the power of Christ in me / From life's first cry to final death / Jesus commands my destiny / No power of hell, no scheme of man / Can ever pluck me from His hand / Till He returns, or calls me home / Here in the power of Christ I stand"

What if God wants me to just stop doing things and start falling at His feet? What if what I do will NEVER be enough? My selfish heart would like to believe that if I could just try harder and word my prayers carefully enough and think the right thoughts that I could be who He wants me to be. Maybe my perfectionist attempts are the ultimate form of Selfishness.

Oh, Lord, bring me to the end of myself once again. Fix my eyes on You and give me Jesus.


"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."
-Philippians 2:12-13 (ESV)

"My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought! / My sin, not in part, but the whole / was nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more / Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, oh my soul"
-"It Is Well With My Soul"

I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice? Only words, words; to be led out to battle against other words...

C.S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces

I don't usually really watch American Idol, but this season my family has been faithful in watching AI, so I've caught bits and pieces. All of them are obviously very talented, but I just have a few things to say after watching a certain performances.

Why is this all the sudden turning into "Musician Idol"? I mean, I think that it's awesome that this guy Scott MacIntyre can sing and play piano really well, as he is blind. But his voice isn't that impressive. I really do believe that the only reason that he's in right now is because he's blind but is still a beast at playing the piano. I think that they shouldn't let people play instruments and sing on American Idol because it is strictly about vocals, and it isn't fair to the people who can't play instruments. Playing an instrument doesn't make you sing any better or worse. It should be completely separated in this competition. And Paula tried saying that, and everyone was whipping out their tazers about to attack her! Well, she said it less bluntly - she basically said that he needs to shake it up a bit and get out from the piano. And he said that he spends all his time arranging the music. I say, Amanda shouldn't take any more of that. He needs to be focusing on his vocals so his vocal performance will improve each week and not just be "okay" performances masked by his piano playing.

But maybe that's just me : )

Now, Danny Gokey, I like him! And I just found out that he's a Worship Leader. Tight! He just sang a song, REALLY WELL. I like him. He's going to win, mark my words.

Alright, this has been the first time I've ever talked about AI on my blog, and it will most likely be the last. Enjoy while you can. : )

I've made my decision officially; no turning back!

Fall of 2009, I will be attending...

The University of Mary Hardin-Baylor :)

Here are my plans for the week...

1. Most importantly...I'm going to CHILL! I'm going to let my mind go to mush. Just kidding, but I'm going to try my best to just not think as much, because thinking leads to worrying. I'm just going to be calm and try my best to relax as much as I possibly can.

2. Tomorrow is Mom and Molly day! I think the plans are Pappasitos (yes?:), facials, and getting nails done! I'm really excited.

3. Tuesday I'm going to work. Besides that, I'll probably just rest.

4. Wednesday I'm working and then going to the Rodeo with some friends! Woohoo!

5. Thursday and Friday me and daddy are going CAMPING! I've never been camping. And there will be a horse ride. I am SO excited!!

6. Saturday I get to see Amanda Atkinson! It will really be the only day that I'll get to see her when she's back for Spring Break : (, but it will be very fun! I love that girl. And I miss her.


I guess that's really all that is planned. I'm up for spontaneous adventures, game nights, anyone wanting to come over and watch HSM3, etc...

:)

"I ran around the room again
I ran outside and ran back in
And I just couldn't get away from myself;
I don't care what tomorrow brings,
I won't back down for anything,
I want to think that I was made for something else.

I can't wait anymore
I'm ready to reach;
So I'm closing the door behind me.

All that I can do is hold onto You,
And follow where You lead,
Where You're leading me.
All that I can do is hold onto You,
And let You bring me through,
It's all that I can do.

There are days I think I don't need You,
There are days when I can't see the truth.
I need You to save me from the lies!
Because every thought that's in my head
And even when I draw my next breath
You knew it all before there was time.

When the waves begin to rise,
And all my hope fails...
In confidence I'll close my eyes
Trusting You'll be there."

-All That I Can Do, Bethany Dillon

Not much has been going on lately...I've been kind of a blur, it feels like, because I'm so busy. It's GO GO GO! all the time, with work and school and church and such; I feel really bad because I haven't gotten to see Andrew that much while he's here : (. But we'll hang out and talk this weekend or something.

I'm just looking forward to Spring Break so much. I'm only going to work 2 days, and just for the money; me and dad are going to go camping !!!! - I've actually never been, true story; I'll get to hang out with mom a lot because Beth and Blake will be in San Antonio; Sleep!

These past few days have been interesting at school. In English we were supposed to have turned in our rough draft of our research paper (which I'm doing on C.S. Lewis/Till We Have Faces) by tomorrow, but the laptops have been whack and so we haven't really been able to log on some of the days. So yesterday Mrs. Kessler had a very specific assignment for us. She split the class into two groups then gave us thirty minutes to come up with a song, rap, poem, dance, whatever to convince her to let us turn it on the Tuesday after Spring Break, and whichever side won got it! : ) (Of course, it ended up being a "tie".) So my group went out to the Senior Deck and made up this elaborate production. Sabeena was in my group, and she's on the step team...so Sabs, Amalie, Rachel, and I did a legit step she taught us at the beginning! And then we interpretive danced while Matt and Chris did this dramatic poem, while the "Research Paper Zombie" (Neda) came and touched us, making us fall on the ground and die. Then we all said, "Remix!" and got up and gave another guy a beat to rap to, and danced while he did this awesome rap! It was pretty legit. It was one of those days that reinforced my LOVE of Senior Year : ).

Today was kind of not as good. If you know me at all you could guess one of the reasons why just by walking outside. I had to walk from the school to my car (it's like a 2-3 minute walk, if I'm walking really fast) in the POURING RAIN, on top of it already being like 40 degrees : (. I don't think I'll ever recover. I mean, wasn't it just like 90 degrees or something yesterday? It's just not fair. Sigh.  But I listened to "Jefferson Aeroplane" by Relient K on the way home and felt better. That song is the best rainy day song, along with it being one of fave songs of all time. "And when I'm home, I think I'll go eat cereal and stare out the window..."

Another reason is because I experienced one of those moments when I really just wanted to say "Don't tase me bro!" but knew it was the wrong time and I'm sure I would have gotten in a lot of trouble (remind me to post a list of moments like that sometime). I'm pretty sure my Calculus teacher Mrs. Baldwin likes me; I sit front row and always ask questions to show I care, and I do well on the tests and do my homework, and she always says hi and smiles when I walk in. Today, though, she was just NOT in a good mood, and I didn't really realize the extent to which this was true initially, unfortunately. Today she was trying to explain to us why zero times infinity doesn't always equal zero and why one to the infinity power isn't always one, which apparently we need to know how to prove when we do the L'hopital limits on our test tomorrow. Apparently she's harbored quite a bit of bitterness when talking about this because people always whine and ask why and don't understand and have the, "this doesn't matter" attitude, and are just convinced that she's wrong. I mean, I would be frustrated, too. But after she did one of the really long, confusing examples, I honestly and innocently wanted to know whether or not there will be one like that one the test, because I would like to know what to study and such - I mean, I always ask that question, and sometimes she teaches us or shows us stuff that would just be good to know, not necessarily that will be on a test -, but apparently she took it as an abrasive, sarcastic, or whiny comment or something. So she took the Lord's name in vain (apparently Jesus's middle initial is "H."), was quiet for a moment, then yelled, "YES, Molly, the answer is YES! There WILL be a question like this on the test tomorrow, and I'm tired of everyone whining and complaining ..." and went off for like a minute about how mad she was at us and at how we better just "suck it up" because there's still a lot of stuff to cover and the AP test is in May. It got really quiet, and I was trying so hard not to laugh. All I had to do was look at Taylor from across the room, and I was practically cracking up (silently, thankfully). I have this disease where I always want to laugh at the wrong moments. But she was thankfully facing the board, so it wasn't noticed. But we were all like, "ooookay...", with hands raised, taking a step back. And at that moment, I so wanted to, ever so calmly, say under my breath, "Don't tase me, bro..." :)

Quick, short post to say that if you haven't checked out the Christian artist Phil Wickham, you should. Here are some excerpts from a few of my favorite songs of his...

"When we arrive at Eternity's shore / Where death is just a memory and tears are no more / We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring / Your Bride will come together and we'll sing / You're Beautiful"
-"You're Beautiful"

-"After Your heart, after Your heart / All of the walls now are breaking apart / Live like we see it, love like we mean it / This is the start, we're after Your heart / Oh, let's go higher and higher / Hear the sound of the free / Hallelujah, hallelujah / Lift your soul, join with the choir / Sing the song, let it ring / Hallelujah, hallelujah"
-"After Your Heart"

"I know You’ve heard this all before / When I’m down and crying on the floor / Saying I want You and nothing more / But I’m breaking in my heart tonight / I’ve tried to stand I’ve tried to fight / But I cannot see without Your light  / No I cannot breathe without You"
-"Home"

Go right now to philwickham.com and download his live album "Singalong" for free. It's beautiful!



In other news...I spent like two in a half hours on Calculus tonight, because I have a test Friday and I'm busy every other night this week. I need to understand this junk. I usually do fairly well in this class without having to put forth effort strenuously, but this stuff we are learning right now is, like, WOAH. Too much. But I feel better about it now after having gone through all the problems I didn't get initially on my homework (which was pretty much 3/4 of it). It's just bleh because I never even do my Calculus homework at home. Homework this year is pretty much foreign to me.

Me, dad, and Andrew went to Starbucks to discuss Till We Have Faces, because I'm doing my Senior Thesis on it. I'm really excited. I enjoy researching C.S. Lewis, and I really loved the book. I feel really good about it now because I know that I'll have a lot to talk about. Woohoo!

Lastly, what I was referring to a few posts ago was that I've decided that I'm going to not go to Prom. Well, assuming nothing changes in the next month and a half, a.k.a. unless someone asks me. I have been stressing WAY too much about it, and the terrible prom dress shopping experience on Saturday didn't help. The worry had come too far, to a point of obsession; it completely shifted my focus from basically everything that is important to a silly one-night event. After much thought and deliberation I decided that this is NOT the way that it's going to work; I'M not going to be the one stressing out about asking someone or having to pay for everything, and I'm most definitely not going to go by myself. It just wouldn't be fun unless someone who actually wanted to go with me and put thought into asking me escorted me. So, I mean, sure, it's a little bit of a bummer because me and my best friends had plans, but it's out of my control now, and I honestly feel so much better. It's not the end of the world. And thank goodness I never have to look at/wear/shop for another prom dress ever again.

Real quick, before I go to sleep, I want to share a verse that caught my eye and almost even took me by surprise initially...

"[Woe to those] who say: 'Let him be quick,
let him speed his work
that we may see it;
let the counsel of the Holy One of Israel draw near,
and let it come, that we may know it!'"
-Isaiah 5:19

I say this was surprising, especially because I had just been thinking about how much I just wanted to know why - how much I wanted for God to show me what He will do and what paths He wants me to follow in the future and how He wants to use me. I was basically saying, Uh, God, can You move up Your timetable? I'm getting impatient and want to know the answers right now. So, of course, whenever I saw that verse, I was like, uh? And so I looked online at commentaries and such to see what this verse really means (though of course it's pretty much self-explanatory), and then it was made clear. Apparently this is a pretty common complaint to the prophets in the OT - "...But when?"


In His perfect timing.

I also looked at this verse, which was shown as a kind of supplement to the other one on the site I was at...

"Being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, he answered them, “The kingdom of God is not coming with signs to be observed, nor will they say, ‘Look, here it is!’ or ‘There!’ for behold, the kingdom of God is in the midst of you.”
Luke 17:20-21

Though it's only slightly related, I like this one as well. The Work is done - tetelestai! -, and God is with me.

I pray peace will guard my heart and mind this week...

I feel like it should be Spring Break already...oh well, just one more week! : ) I'm excited.

Church was really good today! Dr. Howell is starting a series on David, which I am super stoked about because he's my favorite OT guy. I always really enjoyed learning about him as a kid in Sunday School. And Mark has such a good way of putting OT passages in a new light. I'm excited! And Jermy of course did well too! He talked about Worry. Of course, those messages always resonate with me especially because this seems to be a reoccurring problem with me. It was a message I definitely needed to hear.

For the moment I am at peace, by God's grace. It may just be emotion (actually, it's more than likely), but right now I've kind of just decided it would be better for me mentally and emotionally to just wash my hands of it. Something that causes this much stress and worry should just be purged from my life altogether. Whether or not this is the best way of going about it, I don't know. All I know is that the way I'm handling it right now isn't healthy, and is really putting me out of focus. When I feel more strongly about it I'll post what exactly I'm talking about later.

Thank You, Lord, for Your grace and never-ending, never ceasing in pursuit love for me, no matter how ungrateful I can be.