Off to Jr. High camp at 7 in the morning! woop woop. Be praying! I'll (maybe) post about it when I get home! : )

Be back Tuesday. Try not to miss me too much.



And... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Bethany August 2nd, this Saturday!!!! Love you, sister : ). Thanks for all you do. You are one of the most responsible and joyful and loving people I know. Can't wait for our lunch date next week!

Me + Technology + the natural elements of the world = Disaster.

I'm THE most clumsy and careless person I know!

My camera, my phone, my watch, ... something else I can't even MENTION I feel so stupid about it... ugh.

It hit me today.

At band practice.

I'm not going to be here this weekend or next, and then the weekend after that is our last real Sunday to play together as a band.

And after the cruise, which is approaching quickly, we'll be sending Andrew off to college.

I'm not ready! I need more time. Summer is still here, but after July it goes by really fast.

I mean, even though this band won't really change except for no Amanda and then one new person (well, that's what I'm assuming. I don't exactly know the plan for this one), it's just...this year has been so AMAZING band-wise (or band-Weise...heh heh heh. That should be our name. I suppose B.O.F. will have to do for now). Even just this summer alone. And for it to be over...it's just another chapter in my life closing. It's weird and it has gone by quickly.


So, what I really mean is, August is going to basically just be a huge struggle to avoid the sad slump.

So, I just found out that I'm going to Jr. High camp on Thursday because the Jr. High band needs a bassist (details about why are not to be disclosed on internet). But WOAH! Such a shock. This will have been my 3rd camp to play at this summer. WOW. I'm really excited, but I also feel kind of not ready and like it's all so sudden. Praise God that I don't have a job or any other obligations for this specific weekend! It pays off to do nothing sometimes ; ). I guess God wants me to be there, so I'm excited to see what He has in store for me and for everyone else at good ol' Victory Camp in Alvin, TX! Be praying for me, as well as for Taylor, Zach, Allison, and John Michael.

"As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen."
-1 Peter 4:10-11
(emphasis mine)

On the March KidzCamp was AMAZING! I always love Kidz Camp, but this one especially was one for the books. Not sure why.



And now, I rest.

Saw The Dark Knight, surprisingly enough. Obviously a great movie, but if it wouldn't have been for the way it ended I would have hated it. The whole entire movie was intense at all times, and most of the time it brought me close to breaking point mentally.

In other news, KidzCamp is coming this Thursday! I'm really excited.

But I'm also REALLY upset because my camera is still broken : /...

R.O.F. n' B.O.F. (Rush of Fools and Band of Fun, which of course is us) was actually really really tight. I'm glad that I was non-freaked out for long enough to enjoy it.

"Use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord.
Ruin me, take me, waste me on You.
For to die is to live!

To starve is to feast,
And less of me is more of Jesus.
Lord, I want it all,
Lord, I want it all.
If I lose my life,
I gain everything,
And at the cross
Away with all death's sting.
Lord, I want it all,
Lord, I want it all.

There is power in the blood,
There is victory in Jesus!
Come in power, wash me clean -
Overwhelm me with Your presence.
There is power in the blood,
There is victory in Jesus!
Help me glory in the cross,
Help me find my gain in loss!"

"I Want it All" by Shane Barnard, based on Philippians 1:21-23 and 3:7-11:

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far.

...But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."

It's very hard to find the fine line between two extremes. There are so many sides to everything, I've found it very difficult to understand what the Truth is so I can line up what I do and believe with it. There are so many different things to think about. So many parts to each argument, so many "only if"s and "but"s and "except when"s...if that makes sense.

How do you find the balance between putting all the effort you can into something and having God work through you and relying on Him to will and to work for His pleasure (Philippians 2:12-13)? How do you find that balance between practicing and working hard, for His glory, and preparing in the more important sense, spiritually? How do you know when it's done right, and when you aren't just using the latter to get out of actual time commitment?

How do you wait on Him without any answers and know what to do or how to improve a certain area of your life? But He is good to those who wait on Him. But how do you know? It's hard to tell when answers actually come.

---

"I will run when I cannot walk,
I will sing when there is no song;
I will pray when there is no prayer,
I will listen when I cannot hear.

Sitting in the waiting room of silence,
Waiting for that still soft voice I know.
Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
Trusting that this closet's where You are.

Lord, I know if I change my mind,
You will change my heart in time.
Sovereign Lord, this time's from You,
So I sit in the waiting room of silence.
 
Cause it´s all about You.
 
I will fight when I cannot feel,
I will trust when You don’t seem real;
I will tell when I cannot speak,
I will step when I cannot see."

---

I don't want to get so caught up in details that I miss the big picture. But I just want to get it right. There's so many things to think about, so many things to improve. With every freak out I feel less and less qualified. In His power...

10. I've been getting into a routine for the past few weeks this summer...and it's been REALLY nice! I've gotten up early (like, 7:00 on average) to take the pops to the Park n' Ride, get home. At about 8 I go running, then freshen up, eat a bowl of cereal, and then do my quiet time at 9 ish (which I never really have done in the morning until now...it's different, but I like it). After that the sched is pretty much up for grabs, whether it's watching Gilmore Girls or taking an afternoon nap. I've been having band practice several times a week lately it seems, or at least I've been going up to the church like 5 days a week. I like it, definitely. Pretty much all I've done this summer is church and relax. And I've been getting to bed pretty early. Well, not today...but that's because at like 6 I took a 3 hour nap, haha. I'll get there.
9. I'm going to start saving money. I've resolved to be more thrifty. I'm going to attempt to only use half of my allowance (which I only really need for food), and with the other half save most and then set aside 10% of allowance for tithe. I find myself needing more money every once in a while for birthday presents, clothes, cellphone or whatever - and the normal money doesn't usually suffice. I don't know where all my money normally ends up going, but I know that about half of it is unnecessarily spent. We'll see how well this goes...
8. I like birthdays. I've said it so many times, but it never changes. I can only hope that I, through repeated efforts, can spread the joy I experience on birthdays to everyone else!
7. I know I need a job. I'll get one when I start my senior year and my schedule becomes more constant. Sigh...
6. I'm excited about senior year, but what I really want is just for this summer to never end. I'd be content with it because I have the satisfaction knowing that I'm a senior, but I don't actually have to start it quite yet. It's nice.
5. I can't wait to have a car for me alone to drive. A car always at my disposal. Sorry, Andrew... I'll miss you, but I can't wait to have that red car! : )
4. Opening for the Rush of Fools concert is going to be very good. I'm not as nervous about it as I was about two weeks ago. But come Sunday, I know I'll be this close to throwing up. For some reason, though, when I think about it right now all I can think of is what I'm going to wear. I still have no idea!
3. Me and Chloe have been emailing back and forth a few times now...it's pretty much awesome!
2. The Bastille Day cake was one for the books. Several people have said so : )
1. For some reason I've become obsessed with iCarly. It's on TeenNick pretty much all the time, and so me and Blake have been watching it every day. It's actually funny, like it's not just "cute". I find it very intriguing... Don't judge me ;).

Today is Bastille Day! You better believe I'm making a cake : )

To honor this jour de la prise de la Bastille - their hymne national, été composée par Claude-Joseph Rouget de Lisle en 1792, in French and then in English. Enjoy!

(Listen to it here)

La Marseillaise

Allons enfants de la patrie,
Le jour de gloire est arrivé!
Contre nous de la tyrannie
L'étendard sanglant est levé! (x2)
Entendez-vous dans les campagnes,
Mugir ces féroces soldats ?
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Égorger nos fils, nos compagnes !

Aux armes, citoyens!
Formez vos bataillons!
Marchons ! Marchons!
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons!

---

Arise you children of our motherland,
Oh now is here our glorious day!
Over us the bloodstained banner
Of tyranny holds sway!
Of tyranny holds sway!
Oh, do you hear there in our fields
The roar of those fierce fighting men?
Who came right here into our midst
To slaughter sons, wives and kin.

To arms, oh citizens!
Form up in serried ranks!
March on, march on!
And drench our fields
With their tainted blood!

Church was extremely good today. It started out with me being a tad disoriented in my mind and such, but I feel refreshed now. All is well!

And, I got to celebrate a birthday! Today is Trey's 16th bday, so me and Katie decorated his part of the stage and I brought cupcakes : ). It was the epitome of tight.

My incredibly faithful and durable phone of two years has officially died, and the charger is rendered useless, especially after I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet at Target (though the charger was acting funny before that anyway). The phone, incidentally enough, actually worked the same even after it was completely submerged and then washed with soap. It is indestructible apparently.

This is sad on many levels.

I love that phone, so much. There's only one phone that I could stand to get besides the one that I have, and it's like 120$. Which, even if I did have that kind of money, is way too much for ANY phone.

My only other choice is to buy just a phone at Wal-Mart, but even that isn't looking promising because I just looked online at the prices of their phones and all of them were three digits. Mom says that if I actually go to the store they have cheaper, because Andrew had to get a phone from there a couple months ago, but even then his was 50 bucks.

Needless to say, if you need to reach me, you're going to have to call my home phone. I changed my voice-mail to say my home phone number and my mom's as well in case anyone needs to reach me.

So, until I can save enough money (which, judging by both the rising prices of phones and my awesome sense of thrift, will be never), I will be living a cellphone-less existence.

There are worse things, I suppose...

Fear is something I am well-acquainted with, though only the fear that is in the context of human fear. If that makes sense. There is a certain kind of fear that we are commanded to have - Fear of God - that I can't say I understand. But a week ago or so I was challenged to try to understand it more, because I think that as Christians, and especially as our culture is becoming less reverent, we miss that.

So I just wanted to share what I've found, as well as to ask if anyone has any input...


The Fear of the LORD is the beginning of Wisdom.

There are two verses that say that exact phrase -

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!"
Psalm 111:10

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight."
Proverbs 9:10

So, in this context, it pretty much clearly says that fear leads to wisdom, understanding, and insight. This concept is one that I've always heard but have never really thought about deeply. I think it's great because it shows why fear of the Lord is important, and definitely shows how valuable it is to have such fear. However, it doesn't clearly say exactly what fear of the Lord really is, though it appears that the second verse correlates fear with knowledge of the Holy One (or at least it looks like that to me, because "wisdom" and "insight" are similar). Not only knowledge of God, but I think that this is saying that it is knowledge of God AS the Holy One, as someone who is holy (consecrated, entitled to worship or veneration, sacred, sacrosanct, etc. - Dictionary.com). I usually put this together in my head whenever I think of fear of the Lord, but I think that there is still more to it than that. There is something deep and complex about the fear of the Lord that has yet to be revealed to me...

Another verse has the same effect -

"The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm."
Proverbs 19:23

So, not only does the fear of the Lord lead to wisdom, understanding, and insight, but it leads to life, which is a broad statement - but it clarifies it more by saying that you will rest satisfied and will be protected, something that obviously people want.

From these three verses I can gather that the fear of the LORD, which includes the knowledge that God is the Holy One, is a very important part of a relationship with God, and that it yields desirable things that humans are constantly searching for - understanding, wisdom, satisfaction, and true LIFE in general. So, fear of the Lord should really be the one of the first things we seek to live out as Christians.


It is our DUTY to fear God.

"Fear God and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."
Ecclesiastes 12:13

This is obviously a huge deal - not only is it very important to fear God, and in turn to keep His commandments (as a result of this fear? maybe), but it is our DUTY. That is a pretty big deal.

The verse right after that one further says WHY we should:

"For God will bring every deed into judgment, with every secret thing, whether good or evil."
Ecclesiastes 12:14

I think that this concept is what is supposed to be the beginning of this fear: God is the ultimate Judge, and He knows everything we do - good and evil.

So it is our duty to fear God, because God will be the Judge of all things, good and evil - and fearing Him leads to essential things.


But what does it really MEAN to fear God?

Ecclesiastes, I found, has a lot to say about this...

Chapter 5, verses 1-7 more describe what it looks like to fear God.

"Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. To draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools, for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes with much business, and a fool’s voice with many words.

When you vow a vow to God, do not delay paying it, for he has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you vow. It is better that you should not vow than that you should vow and not pay. Let not your mouth (or flesh) lead you into sin, and do not say before the messenger (or angel) that it was a mistake. Why should God be angry at your voice and destroy the work of your hands? For when dreams increase and words grow many, there is vanity (or "For when dreams and vanities increase, words also grow many"); but God is the one you must fear."

(Italics is my emphasis or further explanation, with help of BibleGateway.com)

I'm not going to lie, there are many parts about this that I don't understand (for instance, when it talks about "dreams". What exactly does that mean? Like hopes, or actual dreams you have at night?). However, I can understand some of it.

What I gather from this is that God means business, and to approach Him in heaven is a big deal. We should draw near to simply LISTEN before we just offer sacrifices, unless we are serious about them, lest we be foolish. Also, we should not be too quick to just say a bunch of things and run our mouths to Him - it specifically says because God is in heaven and we are on earth. I think that this is also a huge thing to grasp when dealing with fearing Him. He is so much higher than we are, and in a holier place. We live on a sin-ridden earth, and when we approach Him, who is on His throne in Heaven, we need to think about that. I, if you couldn't guess : ), have trouble with just saying a bunch of things, and I think that a lot of the time I personally get carried away and a little too casual with my prayers. Obviously, He loves us and wants to hear everything we say, but when we approach Him we need to kind of put ourselves in our place and be reminded of His place. And it says that many words lead to vanity, which I think would be on the opposite spectrum of fearing Him.

So, when we fear God, we set aside time to listen and let our words be few. To me, this aspect of fearing Him is about humbling ourselves.


Another thing to gather is that making a promise to God is NOT a flippant activity, and it is not something to be taken lightly. If we give Him our word, we better keep it, and keep it fast. So much so that it would be better for us to just not make vows to Him at all if we aren't going to keep them. Also, our mouth can lead us into sin, and we can't just say, "oh, my bad". That's what I gather from this at least.

When we fear God, we are careful with what we say and what we promise Him.


Wow. There is a LOT about fearing God in the Bible.


My final and favorite example of fearing Him is from Joshua 24...

The beginning of chapter 24 is Joshua talking to the Israelites on God's behalf, reminding them what God did for them when He brought His people out of Egypt, and of how they had to wander for forty years shortly after, then how He gave their enemies to their hand, then delivered them out of Balaam's hand, and then then Jericho episode (which was fresh on their minds). He rightly reminded them that "it was not by your sword or by your bow" (verse 12), and that He "gave [them] a land on which [they] had not labored and cities that [they] had not built, and [they] dwell in them. [They] eat the fruit of vineyards and olive orchards that [they] did not plant." (verse 13).

So, with all this in mind, Joshua charges the Israelites to "therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness" (24:14). He doesn't only say this, but He also says to put away the other gods and SERVE Him. This next part is cool - Joshua says "if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD" (24:15). So, basically, if you aren't going to serve God, you better choose who you are going to serve and stick with it - God doesn't like the flip-flop or lukewarm thing. That is tight. Shows us more how serious this fearing God business is.

So after that, the people are all, well of course we will serve Him, He did all this stuff for us, yada yada, and then said conclusively, "Therefore we also will serve the LORD, for he is our God" (24:18).

HOWEVER, Joshua knows whats up - so he says this: "You are not able to serve the LORD, for he is a holy God. He is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions or your sins. If you forsake the LORD and serve foreign gods, then he will turn and do you harm and consume you, after having done you good." (24:19-20). So basically, he's like, okay, SERIOUSLY, you have to understand something - God is JEALOUS, and if You forsake Him, You better have a plan B because He will TURN and do you HARM and CONSUME you.

We do not want to be in the business of saying we will serve God and then serving other things, because God is jealous and will turn His face and consume us. That is pretty heavy stuff.

So, further, the people then say, no seriously, we'll serve Him, hopefully with a lot of thought. Joshua then says, "You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen the LORD, to serve him" (24:22). That's so tight, because it's like, legit. You are a witness AGAINST yourself if you choose to serve the Lord. In turn, Joshua tells them then to "put away the foreign gods that are among you, and incline (to have a mental tendency, preference, etc.; be disposed - Dictionary.com) your heart to the LORD, the God of Israel" (24:23).

When we fear God, we incline our hearts to Him; we put Him above all else, and have a tendency to prefer Him over other things. This is also a very important part it looks like. As Christians we tend to, uh... de-cline our hearts away from Him, and choose other things over Him and such. This is serious stuff...

So, then, in verse 24, after the third time the Israelites said they'd serve the Lord, Joshua made a COVENANT (which, by the way, is like a SERIOUS and binding thing), and wrote it on a stone. He then said, finally... "Behold, this stone shall be a witness against us, for it has heard all the words of the LORD that he spoke to us. Therefore it shall be a witness against you, lest you deal falsely with your God" (24:27). Again with the witness AGAINST. That is pretty tight. And the last phrase should be daunting - lest you deal falsely with your God. It's kind of like, you better not deal with him falsely, 'cause you don't even want to know what happens if you do, and you can't turn back now because it's written in STONE! That's pretty cool.

In case you were wondering, this story ends happily - it says at the end of Joshua that "Israel served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders who outlived Joshua and had known all the work that the LORD did for Israel" (Joshua 24:30). Good thing, too... : )

So, to sum up what I learned from Joshua, we fear God not only because He is Holy and because He is greater than us, but also because He is jealous and, if we serve other gods after vowing to serve Him, there are punishments, and we are in danger of Him turning His face away...which is NOT cool or pleasant, as far as I can tell.


Whew. There is SO much more to be said about this I'm sure, but this is just a little about what I learned. Of course, I still, at most, know practically nothing of what it means to fear Him. I guess it's one of those things that I'll have to learn and attempt to practice for the rest of my life...

The latest post on stuffchristianslike.blogspot.com (which, btw, if you don't read regularly, you should)...

#332. That dude with the guitar at camp.

Put it down dude. Seriously, you know who you are. I went to camp with you. I went on a lot of church retreats with you. And some how, you even ended up living on the same floor as me freshman year of college.

I get it, you own an acoustic guitar. You put stickers of bands I have never heard on the outside of your guitar case. You have an interesting guitar strap. You are moody and introspective and somehow when you combine that guitar with the three songs you know and a campfire, every girl on the planet wants to sit near you. Are you kidding me?

Back when I was in high school you knew the simple chords to Poison's song, "Every rose has it's thorn," and Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses." But I have to believe the newer version of you has updated the material. What are you singing now, Coldplay's "Yellow" or maybe Dashboard Confessional's "Screaming Infidelities?" Maybe you are doing something by the Jonas Brothers now or Maroon 5? What, you're actually singing U2's song, "One?" You are killing me.

I know what you are doing. You have brilliantly found a way to carry around the thing you are best at. (And I use the word "best" loosely.) I am very jealous. What if painting was the thing I was best at? Would it be OK if I just started carrying around a canvas and an easel and then when girls said, "Do you know how to paint?" I could casually reply, "Oh, this thing? I guess I forgot I had it with me." Or maybe I was really good at pottery and could carry around a kiln and a wheel like in the movie Ghost. Because that's what you do. You pretend that you just happened to have the guitar with you. Like the whole thing was just accidental. I know it's not though. I know.

Your instrument isn't even in tune but that doesn't matter does it dude with the guitar? Because it's more about the image, not the music. And what really gets me is that you're going to play a song at youth Sunday this year and people are going to tell you that you should be a worship leader. Hearing that is going to make you start wearing product in your hair and rocking a white belt and when I walk to class at college you'll be sitting on the steps of our dorm with a girl that is way too pretty to talk to me singing, "How great is our God." And when she asks you, "Where did you learn to play like that?" You'll respond by saying, "I just listen to my heart." You are my archenemy dude with the guitar at camp.

I am going to steal your guitar and replace it with those big hand bells and the white gloves that handbellers (or is it just 'bellers') wear. Let's see how easy it is to get girls to go on dates to Outback Steakhouse when all you have to play is a gigantic bell.

I've always wanted to post about "those guys", because they are hilariously huge targets.

"What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

"But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul,
'therefore I will hope in him.'

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth."

Lamentations 3:19-27