Today (well, when I say "today" I mean Thursday, Feb. 25th) was Lucy's 2nd birthday (Sarah's daughter)!!! Went over and we went to this amazing park in Temple, and then I helped clean the house for the party Sunday :). Fun stuff!

After that I went to the Smith's (my pastor's family) house to babysit their three kids (Lincoln, 8; Libby, 5ish; Oakes, 4) while Tad and Sherry went to "Sing" (this event at Baylor every year). Just got back! Whew! It was fun, and I got paid, so that was nice. But interesting! New experiences every time. Maybe more on that later :). A little sneak peak: Mountain Dew and G-Force.

One thing I was thinking about today: I don't know if this is a universal thing - like, how God ordered the world - or if it's a feeling shared by most or only some, but hanging out with children all day today further confirmed not only that I LOVE kids and want to have my own so badly one day (likely, fairly soon after I get married), but also that kids' opinion of me matters to me the most. Or, to put it a little more eloquently, when a child remembers my name, smiles and gets excited when they see me, laughs at my jokes, and engages with me, showing they truly want to and enjoy being with me, it makes me way more happy and fulfilled than when almost any other "category of person" I can think of does these things. There's something about getting the approval of a child.

I noticed this first the other day whenever Jason and Anya Elliot (friends of Mama and Papa's we met in Ukraine) came over with Mama and Papa and the Elliot's children, Lilly (2 in a half) and Nathan (6 months). Lilly of course was adorable, and I conversed with her and hung out with her for a while. After the Elliot's had to leave, Mama and Papa were talking about how Lilly could not stop talking about Bethany. I asked them if Lilly mentioned me, and Mama said no. Of course, I have no reason to believe that Lilly didn't like me or anything like that, but for some reason I could feel myself tearing up a little in sadness. I began to think, "Why in the world is this bothering me?" But really, this has been a concern of mine for the past few years, especially from whenever I began to babysit. I just get so paranoid about babysitting, hoping the kids will like me and think I'm fun or cool or whatever. To a degree, I'm like this with everyone, but for some reason with kids it's amplified.

I thought about this more today. At the park, me and Sarah switched off watching/holding Maggie and playing with Lucy. When I played with Lucy, she said things like "Come on, Molly!"  to prompt me to follow her and was smiling and laughing and wanting me to push her on the swing and hold her and just be silly with her. I could not stop smiling! I mean, she's 2-years old. Why should her approval mean anything to me? Even so, I felt like the most loved person in the world, being the center of Lucy's focus, even if for just a split second.

Even just hearing children say my name (usually, it sounds like "Maw-wy") makes my heart completely melt. I can't even imagine how much more intense this gets whenever you are the parent of the child who is focusing their attention on you! As I have thought about this further, I've considered the lengths to which this concept could contribute to another analogy to help us more understand the love of God. Of course, all human analogies to describe God fail at some point, but let's see where it goes.

The Father/Child analogy is one I resonate well with, mostly because I have a wonderful earthy father - to think that my Heavenly Father is way more perfect and wonderful than my earthly father blows my mind! But, if I may, I submit the focus of the analogy could be reversed as well. If it melts our hearts to have the approval of children here on earth, do we have the ability to melt His heart? Can we melt the heart of the Mighty One who created the heavens, the One to whom every knee will bow and by whom every soul be judged? Could we really make Him smile? Does He care about our approval? I mean, it's not like He needs us or anything. We're just humans. We have little capacity to be able to even begin to understand, well, pretty much anything in comparison to all He knows. There's no reason why anything we do should make a difference in the heavens, much less in the very heart of Yahweh.

...But we have the mind of Christ. We were made in the very image of God. His ways are not our ways; though I don't understand it, I believe that what I have submitted is true. That's the beauty of His love - it goes way deeper and farther beyond our wildest dreams! Try, if you can, to imagine the pleasure our perfect, Heavenly Father feels - how much His heart melts - when a child of His says His name, focuses all their attention on Him, smiles at Him, hangs on His every word, and shows their deep affection towards Him! If this is true of image-bearers of Christ, though imperfect, to our children, how much more true is it of the Father to us?

Doesn't that make you want to pray more? Doesn't that make you want to focus all your attention on Him, make your sole passion in life to please Him? Make Him smile? Of course, it should be said that it's not as if God is on His throne, worrying like I do if His children don't remember Him (and many do not). I'm sure the analogy only goes so far until you get to the point of how it affects Him when this does not happen, if that makes sense. Even so, 2 Chronicles 16:9 says that His eyes are roaming to and fro the earth, looking for those who are fully devoted to Him. Though some are narrow concerning Song of Solomon, saying it is only to be applied to husband and wife (though I think that that is silly, if indeed every chapter in the Bible is teachable and points us to Jesus), I believe that on another level it lets us gaze more deeply into the riches of His love. One of my favorite verses now is Song of Solomon 4:9, which says, "You have captivated my heart, my sister, my bride; you have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes". Doesn't that make your heart sing? One glance to heaven, and we captivate Him. That alone makes me want to be with Him all the time, and seek His presence continually (Ps 105:4), which I believe is the goal in the first place.

Again and again... His love really is deeper than we think!

This post took a turn I did not expect. But personally, for me it's a good reminder! I'm tired and still have stuff to do. So for now, goodnight!